Just a Few Broken
by cbjen
Summary: When the Normandy and her crew come upon a mysterious ship thought to have vanished before first contact, they find an impossible girl aboard who sets them on a dangerous collision course with some old enemies. Set five years after ME3's "good" destroy ending.
1. Chapter 1: Magellan

"Joker, what's going on?"

"Uh, Captain, you're gonna wanna see this."

Shepard pushed herself away from the galaxy map and headed up to the front of the Normandy. This was supposed to be a routine mission.

Well, she had said that before.

"Joker, why have we stopped?" Shepard asked again, reaching the front of the bridge. Looking out the large windows that made up the ship's nose, she did not need a response. There, drifting among the asteroid belt, was a ship. A very old ship. An impossibly old ship.

It was huge but elegant, an early 22nd century design. But it was badly beaten, likely from being bombarded by rocks for the past half century. Along the side, in faint white lettering, was a name. Magellan.

"Whoa. The Magellan. Wasn't that the ship that disappeared on its way to Mars? To one of the first colonies?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah, but Shepard. Look at this," Joker said, pulling up some readings with a wave of his hand. "The Normandy's picking up a life sign aboard."

"Pirates?" the Commander asked, eyes narrowing warily.

"No. I mean, maybe _a_ pirate. But it's just one signal. And I don't see any other ships."

"Bring her in for a closer look, Joker." The Commander called out over her comm. "Get the shuttle ready. We're making an unscheduled stop. I'll fill you in on the way. Garrus? Kaidan? You there?"

"What's up, Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

"Get down to the shuttle. We've got a little mystery to take care of."

"Finally," Garrus said. "This whole being-normal-soldiers things was getting just a _little _bit old. Where's a Reaper when you need one?"

The Magellan still had power. Its old nuclear energy source was chugging along, and the Normandy was able to dock without incident. Before mass effect fields, those things were made to last.

The boarding party entered through the airlock. The derelict ship was absolutely silent, save their own breathing inside their helmets. Very few of the Magellan's core systems were functioning, including her life support and lighting. Not that there was much to see in the corridors. The Magellan was a cargo ship, not built for passengers to wander around.

Of course, her cargo had been people in cryostasis.

"Joker, any movement from that signal?" Shepard asked.

"Negative, Commander. I've updated your nav point. You're not far."

"Okay, everyone just keep alert," Shepard said, raising her assault rifle as she looked around in the harsh light of her torch beam. "Who knows what the hell we're dealing with."

"You know, with our luck, my credits are on a Rachni," Garrus joked. "It seems like every time a routine mission goes to hell, it's a damn spider."

"And here I was hoping that Shepard actually wiped them out last time," Kaidan laughed. "Man, remember that?"

"Which time? Noveria? Or when the reapers brought them back from the dead?" Garrus said. "You know, Shepard, I think that last one was just to get under your skin."

"Man, that was one hell of a fight," Kaidan said. "How's Grunt doing, by the way?"

"Quiet, both of you," Shepard said, rolling her eyes as she pressed against a doorway. Not that they could see under her visor. It was nice that the two of them had finally started getting along. It only took a decade. And even then, Shepard suspected she owed the peace to Liara.

"We're almost there," Shepard said. "The signal's coming from this main cargo hold."

"Last I heard," Garrus mock-whispered, "he got some poor Krogan girl pregnant."

"You're kidding!"

"Shh!" Shepard interrupted.

"Come on, Shepard. Whatever it is, there's only one of them," Garrus said.

"Yeah, and it's small. Like, human-sized. I don't think there's anything that size that could take on the great Commander Shepard in a fight," Joker added over the comm. "I mean, you took down a _yahg. _With your _fists._"

Shepard shook her head and flagged them through the doorway.

"You know, the Rachni weren't much bigger than humans. I still wouldn't want one of them to get the jump on me," the Commander said. They slowly moved through the room, until her Omni-tool indicated they were right next to the life sign.

"And, it's a wall," Shepard groaned. "Joker, check your systems again. Are you sure about this?"

"The signal's coming from inside some kind of container right in front of you," he said. "Wait. No, that can't be right."

"Joker?"

"That's a life pod, Commander. The signal is coming from inside."

* * *

><p><em>Author's note: This story is done and consists of 30 chapters slightly longer than this one. I'm in the process of uploading chapters between getting real life stuff done. There's already a sequel in progress as well. Thought I'd let any interested parties know.<em>


	2. Chapter 2: Blood

Everything was too bright. Kaya tried to open her eyes but immediately shut them against the blinding white light. She tried to remember where she was, but everything was in a haze. Her entire body felt heavy, like her cells themselves had been filled with lead. It stretched against her very membranes, protesting.

No one mentioned coming out of cryo felt like the world's worst hangover.

Cryo. That was it. She remembered.

The pod had just closed. It was warm, safe. Much more comfortable than she was expecting. Was it already time to wake up? Were they already there?

"Mom?"

Kaya was surprised at how weak her voice sounded. It hurt to speak. It hurt to move. To breathe.

Something was wrong. It was not supposed to hurt this much.

Kaya heard a woman say something, but her voice was difficult to make out. There was more discussion now. It was so loud. Too loud.

She tried to tell them all to shut up. But she could not breathe. Oh god, she couldn't breathe.

* * *

><p>"What the hell just happened, Miranda?"<p>

Miranda Lawson was checking vital signs, making sure the sedative was working properly. "It reminds me of the first time you woke up, Shepard. She isn't ready yet. Her tissues were extremely damaged. Not as much as yours, mind you. Still, she started going into shock. That life pod was never designed to sustain cryostasis for so long. This is going to take more time than I thought."

"But you can do it, right?" Shepard asked. "You can keep her alive?"

"Of course, Shepard. I brought _you_ back from the dead," Miranda said with a smile. "This isn't nearly as dramatic."

"Did you hear what she said?" Kaidan said quietly in the corner.

"Yeah," Shepard said sadly. "You know, I don't remember ever reading about kids being sent to the early colonies."

"They weren't," Miranda said. "At least, not officially. But, then again, the Magellan officially suffered a catastrophic hull breach and was salvaged six months after it set out from Earth."

"Any word from the Alliance on this, yet?" Kaidan asked.

"No," Liara said, pulling up some data on her Omni-tool. "I haven't found anything either. All of the records regarding the Magellan are heavily encrypted. Something doesn't add up."

"It all adds up," Shepard said darkly. "The question is, what messed up conspiracy does it add up to?"

"That is something most people in this room don't have the security clearance to know," a gruff voice said from the doorway. A thin older man in Alliance dress blues stood, a datapad in hand. He saluted the room. "Captain Shepard, I'm Lieutenant Hawking. The Alliance sent me over to discuss the package you recovered from the Magellan."

Shepard saluted back, though she was clearly annoyed. "The package?"

Hawking looked over at the teenager in the bed beside him. "I apologize, Captain. I don't mean to sound callous. However, at this time, the Alliance is not treating what you recovered as, well, alive."

"She's alive," Miranda said. "She just woke up a few moments ago."

Shock registered in Hawking's raised eyebrows. "I've seen the reports, Miss Lawson. The tissue damage sustained was extensive."

"Not nearly as extensive as what Shepard faced when she was spaced ten years ago. And, if you'll recall, I fixed that quite nicely."

"Yes, well, I have to say I'm impressed, Ma'am," Hawking said, turning back to his datapad. "But, you'll have to excuse us. The only people in this room with the Alliance security clearance necessary to further discuss this issue are Captain Shepard and Major Alenko."

After Miranda and Liara had left, following a _you-had-better-tell-me-everything_ look from the later, Shepard turned to the Lieutenant. "So, what exactly did the Alliance know when they sent me out?"

"We were aware that a signal was being broadcast from a ship identifying itself as the Magellan. We believed this was … unlikely."

"And?" Shepard said, crossing her arms and leaning against the large window that made up the back of the room.

"And the Magellan has, as you have no doubt guessed, a history outside of its very public disappearance. That young woman is Kaya Cole, an agent for the now defunct United States Central Intelligence Agency."

"_She's_ a secret agent? What the hell was a secret agent doing aboard a colonist ship? And what the hell was the CIA doing recruiting kids?" Kaidan asked, his normally gentle voice on edge.

"Investigating Drake's Point," Hawking said, ignoring Kaidan's tone. He turned his attention from Kaya to the view of the presidium for a moment, clearly hesitant. "There were reports that the colony was, well, not following international law. And, while Dr. Cole looks a fair bit younger than I was expecting, she is in fact 25 years old according to my dossier."

"Doctor?" Shepard asked.

"Yes, Dr. Cole had just graduated from medical school when she was recruited. The Corporate Congress - the party in charge of Drake's Point - hired her and her mother, a Dr. Cassandra Cole, to work as physicians on the colony," Hawkeye explained. "However, Cole - Kaya, that is - was already working for the government when she was contacted by Drake's Point."

"Why would a doctor work for an intelligence agency, Lieutenant?" Shepard asked.

"That is where we begin to get into _very _sensitive territory, Captain Shepard."

* * *

><p>It was still bright, but the pain was gone.<p>

"Miranda, she's awake."

There was a high ceiling above her and a bed beneath. She was in a small room. The left wall was a giant window, looking out over a beautiful view. The city outside was pristine white concrete and modern architecture, cut down the middle by a canal. The sky was a perfect, vibrant blue.

It sure as hell wasn't Mars. But it wasn't anywhere she recognized from Earth, either.

Kaya turned toward the voice that had awoken her, and then she screamed in shock.

"It's alright, it's alright!" A woman came into view as Kaya shot up in bed. _She_ was human, but the one on the right most certainly was not. "I know this must be a shock, but you need to just try and calm down."

"What the hell is going on?" Kaya yelled. She tried to yell, anyway. Her voice was hoarse and cracking.

She turned to look back at the _thing_ that had spoken before. It was shaped like a woman, but her skin was blue. Instead of hair, she had some kind of tentacles forming to her skull. It was like something out of a bad science fiction movie, just with better special effects.

"My name is Miranda," the human woman spoke. She was trying to sound reassuring. A for effort. "This is Liara. We've been helping you get better."

"Where the hell am I?" Kaya demanded, not taking her eyes off the blue woman. She could sense this _Liara _meant her no harm, but her presence was nevertheless disconcerting.

"You're on the Citadel. It's a space station," Miranda said. "Dr. Cole, I need you to calm down. If your vitals get much worse I'll have to sedate you again."

"This does not look like any space station I've ever heard of," Kaya said. She was surprised by the fear in her voice.

"Humanity did not know about it, not in your time," Miranda said. "There's a lot to explain. And we will explain. But I need you to calm down."

Kaya looked doubtfully between the both of them, but she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. The pain in her chest subsided, and Kaya realized that her heart had been pounding away at an alarming rate.

Miranda and Liara did explain. They explained that Liara was something called an Asari, a proud alien race from the other side of the galaxy. They explained that the Citadel was hundreds of thousands of years old, built by a now extinct civilization and used by an evil race of sentient AI to purge the galaxy of sentient life on occasion. The Reapers were dead, though. No need to worry about them now.

They explained that Kaya had been in cryostasis for sixty years. The ship that had been carrying her to a Martian colony malfunctioned, missing its target and drifting into the asteroid belt.

They explained that she was the only survivor, and that was when Kaya asked to be left alone.

* * *

><p>It was some time later – maybe minutes, maybe hours – that Commander Shepard entered the room. Miranda had mentioned her. The woman who destroyed the Reapers, saving the entire galaxy. She seemed strikingly ordinary.<p>

Kaya tried to wipe away all the evidence of her crying, but it did little good. Shepard was silent for a while, looking out onto the Presidium. Finally, she spoke.

"I'm sorry about your mother."

Kaya nodded. Even though she was new to it, she could recognize the pain in the voice of another orphan.

"Thanks," Kaya said softly, her throat raw. "And, um, thanks for saving my life, too."

Shepard smiled. For someone so undoubtedly badass, she had very gentle eyes.

"What happens now?" Kaya asked.

"We need to talk," Shepard said. "About Project Indigo."

"And here I was thinking no one knew about that."

Shepard indicated a glass tablet in her hand. "I have full access to Alliance reports on the project. It was shut down after, well, your death."

"The Alliance? The human government? Why would the Alliance have information on Indigo?"

"The Alliance has treaties with every major country on Earth, and it gives them access to almost all high level intel," Shepard explained. "When someone over there picked up on the Magellan's signal, someone else apparently realized it could be connected to Indigo."

"I'm assuming that's why they sent their most decorated soldier on a salvage mission?"

"Yeah, I was wondering what was up with that," Shepard said with a smile. "Nobody thought I would find a survivor, though."

"Yeah," Kaya sighed. _The Alliance is not treating what you recovered as, well, alive. _"So, what do you want to know?"

"Do you know what happened to the ship, Kaya?"

Kaya paused. Deep breaths. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.

"No. I went into cryo, then I woke up here. If I had to guess, I would say that the ship was sabotaged. The Congress must have suspected their _shipment _was compromised." Kaya's voice caught in her throat. All those people who died. Blood on her hands. "Incompetent bastards managed to kill everyone except their target."

"You can't blame yourself for this, Kaya," Shepard said, walking toward her bed. She spoke like someone who had gone down that particular road one too many times.

"I'm not," Kaya lied. Something in her tone caused Shepard to stop her slow pacing in front of the window, but the soldier said nothing. "What else do you know about Indigo?"

Commander Shepard knew all too well when someone was deflecting from talking about their own guilt, but she dropped the issue.

"You were sent to investigate Drake's Point. There was intel suggesting indentured servitude was running rampant. There was even some evidence of illegal human experiments. Those allegations turned out to be true, although none of it was ever made public. The official story is that Drake's Point collapsed during the Depression, as the corporations that funded it went bankrupt. The colonists evacuated to other outposts on the planet."

"And the real story?" Kaya asked.

"The real story is that civil war broke out. Drake's Point was a pile of rubble at the end," Shepard said. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not. The things I heard went on there," Kaya said bitterly.

Drake's Point had publically recruited the best and the brightest. It was such an incredible opportunity, to be among the first civilians to colonize another planet. Kaya remembered how her mother had been practically bouncing when she got the news.

But someone had to actually build the colony. That was where Drake's Point began to take its dark turn. There were never any arrangements to get people off world, even after the construction was complete. Slums popped up in maintenance tunnels. Illegal trafficking started. Drugs. People.

And then there were the other, even more insidious reports. The ones that indicated that Drake's Point was a front for something dark. For experimentation that would have been beyond illegal on Earth. It would have been a war crime. What the hell were they doing that was so horrible they would go to another planet just to try?

"Anyway," Shepard said. "Technically you're in my custody for the moment, since my ship brought you in. But the Alliance wants me to transfer you over to a handler, someone who can help you, well, adjust."

"Wait, so that's all you know about Indigo?" Kaya asked, brow furrowed.

"Yeah. Is there something else I should know?"

"No," Kaya said, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Okay then. I just wanted to come talk to you. We're setting out on another mission soon, and it isn't every day you wake someone out of a sixty year slumber," Shepard said. "If you ever need to talk to someone. Well, I mean, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to have Miranda bring you back to life. I know what it's like to lose at least a couple years of your life. So, yeah."

Kaya smiled at Shepard's awkwardness. She was trying to hard to be kind, to reach out to this poor time traveler. But Shepard didn't know what it was like. She _couldn't. _Nobody could.

"Thanks, Commander. For everything."


	3. Chapter 3: Abduction

"Hey, Commander." Joker's voice came over the comm, interrupting Shepard's review of mission reports in her cabin aboard the Normandy. "We've got an incoming urgent communication from C-Sec."

"Patch them through, Joker."

"Captain, it's Bailey," the head of C-Sec said over the comm. "I thought you'd want to know that something has happened to that girl you brought to the Citadel."

"Dr. Cole? Is she okay?" Shepard asked, setting down the datapad.

"Shepard, she was abducted last night."

* * *

><p>"You!" Shepard shouted, marching up to Lieutenant Hawking in the middle of the hospital lobby. She pointed a finger at his chest, feeling quite ready to punch something. "What the hell is going on?"<p>

"Captain Shepard, what are you doing here?" the Lieutenant asked, crossing his arms defensively. He eyed her companions – Spectres Vakarian and Alenko – suspiciously. "This matter doesn't concern you."

"Like hell it doesn't. You want to tell me why, not even ten hours after I chart a course out of here, the woman I brought out of cryo was kidnapped? You want to tell me how?"

Some of the bystanders who had not yet been ushered from the hospital floor were looking on curiously, leading Hawking to try and hush Shepard. She shot him a look that ended the notion quite quickly.

"What are you even doing here? I thought you were supposed to be brokering some Turian-Krogan peace summit. It was all over the vids."

"Cancelled," Shepard said. "I'm on shore leave."

"Then I suggest you go enjoy yourself, Captain," Hawking said tersely. Then, the lieutenant seemed to realize that he had in fact just lashed out at the woman who saved the whole damn galaxy. The woman who outranked him. By a lot. His tone softened as he continued, "Look, my hands are tied. You're not cleared to have any further intel about Dr. Cole. I'm sorry, but I need to do my job."

Hawking walked away, over to a couple of C-Sec agents near the front desk.

"So, is this the part where we use our combined Spectre powers to apply a little pressure?" Garrus asked. "Because I always enjoy that part."

"No need," a familiar voice said from behind them. "This is the part where you get recruited to help."

"Jack?" Shepard exclaimed, turning around. Sure enough, there she was, standing in the lobby looking more professional than Shepard had ever seen her. She wasn't even showing any skin between her collarbone and knees.

"Miss, who are you?" Hawking interrupted, marching back over with exasperation.

"I'm a professor at Grissom Academy, and Hackett put me on this mission," Jack said. She sighed, apparently hating the formality as she added, "I'm sending you the access codes now."

Lieutenant Hawking looked at his Omni-tool. "Hackett? The admiral's involved?"

"For something this big, yeah. Of course he's involved," Jack said, turning to Shepard. "Come on, let's get to the Normandy. I'll fill you in once we're on board."

* * *

><p>"We've cleared all our pre-flight checks, Commander," Joker called out. "So, Jack, you want to tell us where we're going?"<p>

"Omega. The Alliance thinks that's where the bastard is holding her," Jack spat out.

"Whoa, Jack, slow down," Shepard said, leaning against the conference table. They were standing in the conference room between the CIC and the war room. Most of the crew did not have security clearance for this particular mission, leaving Shepard to wonder what the hell she had gotten herself into.

"I'll explain on the way, but we need to go. Now."

"Alright, Joker. Take us to Omega," Shepard said. "Now, Jack, who's holding Dr. Cole?"

"One of the scientists that experimented on me. Turns out the Illusive Man and I weren't able to finish them off," Jack said bitterly. There might have been a tinge of excitement, too. She was looking forward to this. "Kaya's a telepath, Shepard. She got exposed to some experimental chemical when a factory near her home blew up. Pretty much everyone that was exposed died. She almost did."

"Wait, telepath? Not biotic? Psychic?" Kaidan asked. "That's not possible."

"I just told you it is. I don't mince words, Alenko," Jack said. "Project Indigo is still active. Cole was the first and only psychic any human government ever identified, until Eezo showed up. Turns out a very, very small percentage of the population don't just become biotics. They get abilities like that Prothean friend of your had. These kids don't read someone's thoughts, per se, but they _know_ things."

"Kids?" Liara interrupted. "You mean there are psychic children at Grissom Academy?"

"Yep. Eleven of them. The entirety of Project Indigo, except for a couple of field agents. That's what Kaya was. I mean, can you imagine the power? You just have to send one of these kids into a room with your target, and bam! Instant espionage."

"So why send humanity's only known psychic to a small colony?" Garrus asked. "That doesn't make any sense."

"A few major governments sponsored Drake's Point. They actively encouraged recruitment. So when they started getting evidence of experiments that would make the fuckers who held me prisoner blush, they panicked."

"Cole could get in and get information, without getting close enough to get caught," Shepard said.

"Exactly. They were screening everyone coming onto that colony for the tiniest reason to reject them. A traditional government operative probably never would have made it onto a ship. But Cole had no obvious government ties. She was recruited while still in high school, and the whole thing had been kept crazy top secret. Even Liara wouldn't have known about it. I mean, you didn't know about it." Jack said with a smile, getting a pointed look from Liara in return. "They're not fucking around.

"Cole's mother was also a pretty famous doctor. She had standing, money, intelligence, and needed skills. The corporations reached out to _her. _And Cole Jr. never would have needed to actually get into a lab. She just needed to meet one of those motherfucking scientists. It was a pretty perfect plan, until someone apparently figured it out and tried to blow the Magellan to hell."

"And now that bastard who experimented on biotic kids wants to experiment on her," Kaidan said, disgusted.

"And the rest of my kids," Jack said angrily. "No fucking way I'm letting that happen."

"We'll take him down, Jack," Shepard reassured her. "I promise."


	4. Chapter 4: Omega

Son of a bitch.

The pain stopped, leaving behind an emptiness. Until the soreness set in. If Kaya had thought she was in pain after waking up from cryo, she was sadly mistaken. Everything hurt. She just wanted to make it stop. She would have done _anything _to make it stop.

She understood now why torture was so damn effective. Her convictions had been completely obliterated. There was only the pain.

But this Dr. Marcus had not given her a way out. He was not after information. He was after power. And he seemed convinced that the only way to get it was to force it out of her.

The pain started up again in earnest as electricity crackled through the air. She screamed as visions flashed through her head, the memories of other people. Most were mundane. Some were horrific. She saw Dr. Marcus lording over a young girl strapped to a table, injecting her with something.

Subject Zero, he called her. This bastard had been playing the game for a while.

The pain subsided again. Kaya tried to find relief in the emptiness, but there was only fear. Fear of the next wave of agony.

"You can end this, Cole. Just make me stop."

She had tried telling him it didn't work like that. She could not control someone else. It was not possible.

It didn't matter. The pain started again.

* * *

><p>It was hours later that Marcus seemed to tire of his pursuit. He left her there, in a fucking dentist's chair with restraints. She just wanted to sleep, but they had pumped her with so much adrenaline. Kaya was amazed that her heart had not given out yet.<p>

These bastards had their sick game down to a science. They were professionals, otherwise this level of sustained torture would have killed her hours ago.

Shepard.

Kaya felt her, somewhere close by. She was with that blue alien, the Asari. And they had a small army right behind them.

But the squad did not know where to look. Well, fuck, Kaya had to try.

* * *

><p><em>Shepard.<em>

Commander Shepard stopped in her tracks and looked frantically around Afterlife. They had come to see Aria, hoping that the Queen of Omega might have some hint as to where crazy unethical experiments on a "biotic" were being performed.

If she had more than a hint, Shepard would probably have to kill her. Or at least really mess up that pretty purple face. Actually, she would probably just need to restrain Jack in time, or risk something damn close to a diplomatic incident.

But, Shepard could have sworn she heard Dr. Cole.

"Lola, what's up?" James asked, looking around as well.

"I heard her. I swear I just heard Cole."

_Guys, it's me. Help._

This time the entire squad froze, looking at each other with a whole mix of expressions. James and Kaidan looked freaked out. Jack looked impressed.

"Kaya," Shepard said slowly, quietly. How was one supposed to _talk _to someone inside your head? "Can you, er, hear me?"

_Yeah. Oh my god. I am so, so happy to see you. You're here, right? This isn't a hallucination? Look, I don't know where I am. It kind of looks like an old defunct doctors office or something. I'm going to try something._

The thoughts came frantic and hard, but the images were even more jarring. It felt almost exactly like a Prothean beacon.

"Mordin's clinic," Shepard said. "Kaya, I know where you are. Just hold on."

* * *

><p>They ran out of Afterlife, hanging a hard left and a quick right as they headed for a familiar part of town she had hoped to never see again. Shepard and Garrus had once fought through these streets when it was under quarantine, with Jacob at their side. She had brought Garrus against her better judgement, even when their was a turian-infecting plague afoot. One of her worst calls, yet. But she was just so <em>happy <em>to have him back.

"Just the other day I was reminiscing about spilling merc blood on Omega. It's good to be back," Garrus said as the first shots were fired.

The team took cover as some Blood Pack attempted to flank them right outside the clinic. Against a team of six heroes who had very literally saved the galaxy, a few merc bastards were no match. Shepard used Reave to blow the last one, suspended by Liara's singularity, out of the air, and the team marched forward.

After the assault outside, the clinic was eerily quiet. A few dead in white lab coats were scattered on the floor, recently deceased. Gunshot wounds to the back of the head.

_Shepard!_

Shepard could feel her fear, her pain. It coarsed through her like it was her own. They ran through the clinic's abandoned lobby and into a makeshift dentist's office. Dr. Marcus was there, holding a gun to Dr. Cole's head. She was sitting in a chair, restrained, tears streaming down her face. Her body was heavily scarred where the son of a bitch had cut into her.

"Drop it!" Shepard yelled, pointing her pistol at the Doctor. "You don't have to do this."

"So, what? I drop the gun, and you let me go free?" Marcus said. "I don't think so."

"You drop the gun, and I don't shoot you in the head right now," Shepard said.

"I was thinking of starting with the balls," Jack interrupted. "You sick son of a bitch."

"There's only one way this ends, Shepard. I might as well stop the Alliance from getting what it wants," Marcus said.

His finger moved to the trigger. He was going to shoot. Kaya could feel it. His anger, his fear, his crazy. They flowed through her very veins, finding her own fear. She didn't survive sixty years in cryo just to die at the hands of some psychopath now.

Marcus turned the gun to his own temple and pulled the trigger.

He fell beside Kaya. Dead. She could feel it. Or, rather, she could feel his total absence from the world.

She had just killed a man. There should have been guilt. Or pain. Or maybe even relief. But there was just total numbness as Shepard moved forward to undo the restraints.

They were talking to her. She could hear their voices, a slow and distant cacaphony of concern. But, whatever they were trying to say was lost on her.

* * *

><p>"She's in shock," Liara said, as Garrus cradled Dr. Cole in his arms.<p>

Kaya wasn't responding. Her eyes stared blankly ahead. Her teeth were clenched together.

At least she was alive.

"We need to get her back to the ship," Shepard said. "Dr. Chakwas may be able to help."

"Do you see that?" Kaidan asked as they jogged back into the clinic lobby. "Her scars?"

"Biotic implants," Jack confirmed. "But, why? None of the other Indigo kids have biotic abilities. It doesn't make sense."

"_Something_ he did worked," Garrus said quietly as they turned a corner. "Did she just indoctrinate Marcus? Looks like he got what he was after, after all."

They made it to the ship, after garnering a few looks, though not as many as one would expect. This was Omega, after all. A Turian running through the streets with a half-naked, visibly scarred girl managed to blend pretty well into the background.

Dr. Chakwas ran a diagnostic and gave Dr. Cole a sedative. She drifted off to sleep almost instantly, her glassy, distant eyes closing. The resolution left a painful, silent void. The crew stared at each other, a few mouths agape, as Karin asked what the hell had happened.

The crew of the Normandy had seen some bad stuff, but rescuing a tortured young woman who had recently lost everyone and everything she cared about was still pretty jarring.

"Captain?" Dr. Chakwas asked softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What did they do to her?"

"They tortured her," Jack said, her voice trying to figure out if it was angry or pained. Looking at Kaya had to be like looking in a mirror.

Dr. Chakwas returned to applying Medi-Gel to Kaya's wounds. "But what on Earth for?" she asked, with a worn voice that indicated she had seen damage like this before.

"Marcus was trying to force her to expand her telepathic abilities," Shepard said slowly, pressing her fingers to her eyes in exhaustion. She placed a finger to her ear. "Joker. We need to get back to the Citadel."

"Shepard, no," Jack interrupted. "Someone there was working for Marcus. That's the only way they could have found out about Cole. Everything related to Project Indigo is way too classified. The safest place for her right now is the Normandy. I'll call the Academy. They'll be okay with this. I mean, as long as you are."

There was never a question.


	5. Chapter 5: Normandy

Kaya woke with a start on the med bay table. The room itself was dark and quiet, but there was light coming from behind her. She sat up and turned around, looking out the window onto a kitchen of some sort. She had no idea where she was, but it was a strange place. It felt a bit like the hull of her father's houseboat, with its low ceilings and curved walls.

A ship. That made sense. Shepard and her team had rescued Kaya. They must have brought her to the Normandy.

There were a lot of people on board. Kaya could feel them, more sharply than she was used to, even though there was no one in sight. Whatever Marcus had done to her had made everything more vivid.

_I'm Frankenstein's fucking monster. Well, serves him right._

Kaya had never felt this angry before. She had come close, when she learned of the experiments on Mars. Going through those files in the hospital had left her infuriated.

She should have been able to stop it.

But this anger was completely new in its scope, in its strength. She had a face to put to the violence. She wanted vengeance. Kaya had to remind herself that the bastard was already dead. She knew that the relief and even happiness she felt at the thought was wrong.

But, it could not be helped. She was happy Marcus was dead. She was happy she had pulled the trigger, in her own way. There was no time, no emotional energy to spend yet on what exactly had happened.

Hell, Kaya doubted anyone could ever really cope with the ability to get inside a man's head and make him commit suicide.

Kaya realized that there was not much pain. Her scars were almost fully healed – even old ones were more faded than before – and she was only left with a dull ache in her muscles. Kaya wondered if she should be contributing her fast recovery to modern medicine, time, or both.

She carefully placed her bare feet onto the cold, white tile floor below and tried to stand. To her surprise, her legs supported her weight. She walked toward the door and began searching for something or someone familiar. At the elevator she turned left, toward that telekinetic man who had been with Shepard.

Kaya walked into the room he occupied, this one with a large window right opposite the door. And there, outside, was open space. Kaya's breath caught in her throat.

All her life, she had wanted to see the stars like this. Now Kaya wished she had never left Earth.

"Dr. Cole!" Kaidan said, standing up and tossing aside a tablet in a haphazard way that caused Kaya to flinch. "You're awake."

Before Kaya had a chance to correct him – Dr. Cole was her mother – Kaidan was calling Shepard on his communication device. He forced Kaya to sit on one of the sofas in the lounge. He and Kaya had never even spoken, but Kaidan was taking the whole ordeal rather personally. Kaya supposed she _was_ kind of like a biotic, but without the awesome move-things-with-your-mind part.

Kaidan Alenko's history was laid out in front of her, much clearer than she was used to. Human biotics. The turian he accidentally killed. His squads of biotic students.

Shepard jogged into the room, bringing with her a whole new history so complicated and grandiose it was distracting. "Are you okay?"

"No," Kaya said, trying to get her head on straight. The room felt loud. It was hard to explain. There were not really words in the English language to describe being psychic on a normal day. But now, with everyone's life stories buzzing though her head at once, it was damn near impossible to put into words.

Kaya continued slowly, "But, I think you would need to be more worried if I _was_ okay after all that.

"I like her," Jack said, walking into the room. Kaya turned around and raised an eyebrow. While Kaiden and Shepard were wearing military uniforms, generally exuding a certain presence that matched them, Jack was dressed in a skin-tight red jumpsuit and a cropped, black leather jacket. The sides of her head were shaved and tattooed. She was tough and angry, but also worried underneath that emotional armor.

Her empathy was far more tangible than the others. She had _been _there. The little girl Marcus was lording over in her vision.

"She keeps it real," Jack continued. "Don't worry, Cole. You're safe now."

Kaya tried, unsuccessfully, to crack a small smile. It was like her muscles had forgotten how.

"I suppose I need to thank you all again for saving my life," Kaya said quietly. She turned her head to look up a Shepard and winced as a sharp pain in her neck. It sent jolts of electricity through her body, making her hair stand on end.

"Take it easy," Kaidan said softly, moving to sit down beside her. "The implants take some time to get used to."

"Implants?" Kaya whispered, scanning the room. _Biotics. Modified L5. Son of a bitch._ "Why would Marcus give me biotic implants?"

"That chemical you were exposed to, back when you were a kid," Jack explained. "It was a kind of synthetic Eezo."

Element zero. Not really an element. A chemical compound capable of generating mass effect fields. Humans exposed to high amounts in utero developed biotic powers. Well, some did. Most died of pediatric cancer. Eezo modules in the body produced mass effect fields when activated by the nervous system.

"But, I'm not a biotic," Kaya said.

"No. In fact, if world about what you or the other kids in the Academy can do got out, it would really hurt the image of the rest of us," Jack said, walking over and sitting on the sofa across from her.

"Yeah. Plenty of crazy people already think we can read minds and control people's thoughts," Kaidan added. "They were just starting to realize that's impossible, and then you show up."

Kaya sat up straighter, trying to shake away some of her confusion. "Wait, other kids? There are other people who can do what I can?"

"A handful. Thirteen have been identified by Indigo, as far as I know," Jack said.

"I was told Indigo was shut down after I was listed as MIA. That guy – that stuffy Alliance twat – he believed he was telling the truth."

"Yeah, well. That's probably what the brass told him. Not even everyone aboard this ship is even allowed to know about Indigo," Jack said. "What you can do, Cole, it's really rare. About one in ten kids exposed to high enough eezo levels becomes biotic. We think the rate's about one in a hundred thousand for what you can do. Or, you know, that's the going rate for telepaths, anyway. You're in a league of your own."

"Can I meet them?" Kaya asked.

"Not yet," Shepard said, frowning. "We don't know if Marcus was working alone. Grissom Academy is pretty close to a fortress these days, but we still don't want to lead anyone right to them. My orders are to keep you aboard this ship as we do some routine missions. In the meantime, we'll try to gather intel about Marcus."

Kaya nodded and sat back, slouching against the leather. This, at least, was familiar. Taking orders. Waiting for action.

"Okay. Just one thing. You keep calling me Cole. My mother was the _famous _Dr. Cole. I'm just Kaya, professionalism be damned," Kaya said. She bit at the inside of her lip, considering. "Hey, Kaidan? Shepard? Can you give me a minute alone to talk to Jack?"

They left the room, and Kaya could feel Jack's discomfort. The biotic prodigy did not think she was good at this kind of thing. There was an awkward silence between them for a while, as Kaya twisted on the couch and turned to look out at the stars.

"Do you ever get over it?" Kaya whispered, wrapping her arms around her knees. She had not meant to sound so young and helpless and _scared_, but there it was.

"Yes," Jack said. Kaya was surprised to find the woman across from her was telling the truth. "It will take a long time. But, well, I'm here for you, okay?"

Jack leaned forward and thought about taking Kaya's hand. She hesitated.

"Thanks," Kaya said, forcing a small smile. "That means a lot. You know … I'm actually not ready to talk about this right now. I will be. In time. I think."

"Yeah. Well, I'm here when you are," Jack said, standing up. "Fuck, you're still wearing a hospital gown. Let me get you some clothes."

Kaya let out a little laugh. She had not even noticed what she was wearing. "Just none of that military crap, okay?"

"A girl after my own heart."


	6. Chapter 6: Garrus

Kaya rolled up the sleeves on her black hoodie. Jack had brought her a few different variations on the same skin-tight suit, none of which Kaya was remotely comfortable with. Apparently, in the future, everyone was very at ease with their bodies.

Finally, Jack recruited Shepard and they found Kaya a black tracksuit with red piping. Shepard explained that it was military gear, issued to soldiers in some special program. But, it was the most casual outfit she had seen anyone wear. Hell, people were walking around the ship in full armor.

Shepard had given Kaya control of the observation deck, a small room with a huge window looking out to space. Kaya appreciated it, even though the gesture also hurt some. Everyone was trying to be so damn careful around her, like they could break her if they crowded around too much. What was worse was how right they were. She was still adjusting to all the voices in her head, much louder than before

Kaya turned away from the window and headed out into the hallway. Shepard, Alenko, Jack. Vakarian, Vega, T'Soni. Moreau. She listed off the names of the people on this ship she could completely trust, the people who knew what she was.

The rest of the crew eyed her with general indifference. That was kind of them. A few had seen her come aboard, and they were a little more curious. But, Kaya got the impression that the Normandy frequently hosted odd guests. It was a relief, only having a few people on the ship eyeing her with worry all the time.

Kaya walked across the Mess Hall and up some stairs, into the gun battery and toward one of those trustworthy but overly concerned individuals. She set her jaw, resolving to at least talk to the few people on this ship that she could. That had saved her life. Twice.

"So who needs their ass kicked now?" Garrus said, not looking up from the control panel in front of him.

Kaya had to smile a little. He thought she was Shepard, and his emotional response to just thinking the Commander was in the room was damn near touching. She suddenly felt a little intrusive, though. Apparently the battery was a place traveled by few.

"No one that I know of, Vakarian," Kaya said. "I'm just, er, introducing myself."

Garrus quickly turned around, and Kaya could not help carefully studying his appearance. Turians were unlike anything she had seen before. The Asari were essentially blue humans with tentacle heads. Salarians looked kind of like frogs. Hanar were like jellyfish. But Turians? There wasn't really an Earth-based equivalent of their slightly metallic armored faces. They had three long fingers, impossibly narrow waists, and legs that jointed like a dog's. Kaya had spent all of her time – the entire twenty four hours of it – in the hospital reading up on this brave new world she found herself in. The Turians were a damn interesting people.

"Oh, well, hi," Garrus said, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Oh, god, sorry. I don't mean to be, um, checking you out," Kaya said nervously. "You're just the first turian I've seen up close before."

Garrus let out a little breath, his mandibles flaring. Kaya thought he was smiling, although it was hard to tell.

"This all has to be a bit much to take in, huh?" Garrus asked. "It's not enough to wake up out of cryostasis after sixty years. Oh no. You also have to find out that humans aren't alone in the galaxy."

"And there were artifacts from an ancient civilization buried on Mars," Kaya pointed out. "And mass effect fields exist. And, oh yeah, there's some crazy mad scientist out there who wanted to turn me into his personal weapon. It's great."

Kaya realized her voice had gotten a little high and strangled, so she quickly added, "And one of the races helping run the galaxy are ugly space-Romans."

"Romans? I think my translator glitched out, Dr. Cole."

"Please, call me Kaya. Or _maybe _Cole. But I'm not really a doctor. Not anymore. You can't stay licensed if you don't practice for sixty years. And I never actually completed my medical residency," Kaya explained. "Also, translators. That's another thing. Cybernetic implants that translate both the verbal and written word instantaneously. I mean, we only dreamed of something so awesome back in my day."

"Yeah, they're pretty handy," Garrus admitted. "You know, after Shepard took down the Reapers, all of our cybernetics got fried. Biotic amps, translators, Omni-tools. So, diplomatic communications were a mess for months."

_And I couldn't hold a conversation with my own girlfriend when she woke up in the hospital, broken and burned and crying._

"Oh yeah, Reapers," Kaya said loudly, hoping he didn't catch the slight change in her inflection. "There's a whole other crazy thing. I mean, seriously? Ancient, all-powerful AI robots that wipe out all space-faring civilizations every fifty thousand years? If I went back in time now and tried to warn people, they would lock me up somewhere with padded white walls."

"Oh, I can imagine," Garrus said in a sardonic tone. "Our people didn't even believe Shepard until the Reapers were attacking earth. Even then some people didn't believe the reports coming in."

Kaya could feel his anger, after all these years. Shepard still felt guilt about the events that had transpired. Garrus was just pissed.

"You know, this might be a weird or even offensive thing to say," Kaya started, "but there's something very human about how in denial everyone was. All the other races, you reacted the way humans have when countless wars were at their doorstep. Our psychologies are so similar. It's really weird actually, from an evolutionary perspective, than our emotional and logical responses would be so alike."

"This is what you want to talk about after waking up from a sixty year coma? Comparative xenobiology?" Garrus laughed.

"Yeah. I'm weird like that," Kaya said with a smile. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to work."

As she left the gun battery, Kaya realized she was genuinely smiling for the first time in, well, sixty years.


	7. Chapter 7: Liara

Kaya took a moment to look through the fridge before continuing on her quest to meet all of her guardians. She was surprised to realize that she probably had not eaten in over a day, even though all she could bring herself to eat at the moment was an apple.

She leaned against the kitchen countertop and bit into the crisp flesh, looking around the fairly empty mess hall. There were a couple of crew members chatting in the corner by a water cooler, paying no attention to Kaya. She smiled a little at the realization that they were flirting. It was comforting to see something so familiar.

Kaya finished her apple and headed over to Liara's cabin. Immediately, a glowing white orb flew around her in a disorienting fashion.

"Welcome, Dr. Cole."

"Kaya," Liara said in surprise, looking up from her console. Kaya looked around, wide-eyed, at the room. It was some kind of mobile command center, with screens and computing equipment everywhere. She found herself being careful not to trip on the thick cables running across the floor.

"What's a shadow broker?" Kaya asked, finding the word in Liara's own consciousness.

"An information trader," Liara answered. "And it's _the _Shadow Broker, actually. Did you just read my thoughts?"

"Oh, god, sorry," Kaya said, wincing. "I try not to do that. But, I can't really help it. Trying to block out people's thoughts is like … keeping your eyes open but not seeing every color. It's just part of how I perceive the world. And now it's stronger. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Liara said softy. Kaya could tell she was a little disturbed at the idea of all of her secrets being laid bare. More than a little, actually. But, there was empathy, too. "It's fascinating, really. Can you explain a little about how it works?"

"You lot seem to know more than me. Nobody knew what eezo was, back before … well … you know. Apparently whatever I was exposed to is almost chemically identical, although not quite. So, my pseudo-eezo nodules don't impart biotic abilities. Instead I … read people."

"We knew someone else who could do that," Liara said. "A prothean."

"Wait, what? I thought the Proteans were extinct. Wiped out by the Reapers."

"They were," Liara said. "But there was one who survived in a life pod. Javik."

"Why didn't anyone tell me about this?" Kaya said, cracking her knuckles nervously.

The reason came to her before Liara could vocalize it.

"He's gone. He left to find the graves of his comrades, and he made it very clear he was not coming back," Liara said. "I'm sorry. I suppose you two would have had a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, seriously," Kaya sighed. "Oh well. Can you tell me about him?"

They talked about Javik, and the Protheans in general. It was nice, getting engrossed in this semi-academic conversation. Kaya kept prodding Liara with questions after she turned out to be an expert on the Protheans. But, she also avoided asking about Javik's psychic abilities, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the asari.

Eventually, the two were completely engrossed in conversation and had moved over to the couch in the corner of the room. They were interrupted an hour later by the whoosh of the automatic door to Liara's cabin opening. Kaiden was standing in the doorway with a bottle of wine.

"Oh, sorry. Is now a bad time?"

Kaya smirked as the room buzzed with their nervous energy. Watching the very beginnings of a relationship always amused her. There was so much tension and fear, but there was bliss, too. There was excitement. Kaya had never actually felt that way herself, but feeling the emotions of friends and strangers sufficed. It reminded her how beautifully unpredictable life could be.

"I should go," Kaya said, standing up quickly. "I'll catch you two later."


	8. Chapter 8: Blue

The cargo bay was huge. Up until now, Kaya had not really felt like she was on a military frigate. She had not actually seen the Normandy from the outside, but she imagined was gigantic. It was impossible to tell though. The whole ship was small rooms and narrow corridors.

It reminded her of when she was a child, of her family vacation to Hawaii. A good friend had been a Commander in the U.S. Navy. He had given them a tour of one of the fleet's submarines. The Normandy was a fair bit more stylish with slightly higher ceilings, but the claustrophobia was similar when she was outside the observation deck. Kaya remembered briefly thinking about joining the military during that trip. Of course, she had dismissed the idea when she realized how many rules military life involved.

Now, here she was, on an Alliance Frigate. A freaking star ship. If she had been born twenty years ago instead of eighty, Kaya figured she would have given the military a real shot. She had been willing to put everything on the line just to go to one other planet, not all that far away. These soldiers had seen _hundreds _of new worlds.

"Hey, Blue."

Kaya blinked, turning her head from the high ceiling to see James Vega walking toward her. Without her psychic abilities, Kaya supposed she would find his massive frame intimidating. As it was, she could feel a kind of big brother vibe coming off of him.

"Blue?"

"You know, for your eyes," James said with a shrug.

"Most people who can't handle two syllables just call me Kai."

"Yeah, no. Not doing that," James said, suddenly clenching his teeth.

"Why - oh. Kai Leng."

"Did you just-"

"Yeah. Sorry. I can't really help it," Kaya said sheepishly.

She honed in a bit on the memories of an assassin, ignoring a errant thought at the back of her mind that said _maybe don't use the enhanced minding reading powers that a mad scientist imparted you with. Just a thought_.

Kai Leng had killed one of their friends and tried to kill the rest of them on a couple of occasions. James's memories on the subject – on the entirety of those incredibly events five years ago – were more open than most. She saw Cerberus and the Illusive Man. The attack on the Citadel. Cerberus headquarters.

"Uh, Blue? You okay there?" James said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She immediately flinched away, taking a few steps back. James threw his hands up in deference, and Kaya took a sharp breath.

"Sorry," she said, massaging her temple. "I … I guess with everything that's happened, I'm not in a real touchy-feely place."

"Yeah, okay. I get that," James said. "So, uh, what brings you down here?"

"Right," Kaya said, trying to smile. "I just wanted to thank you for helping get me off Omega."

"Just doing my job, Blue."

"Yeah. Still," Kaya said, genuinely smiling this time. "You know, it's kind of nice. I really am not some crazy strange freak here. You guys have handled a lot weirder things. I mean, Liara was telling me about Javik. He definitely had me beat."

James laughed. "Oh, yeah. All his talk about us being 'primatives.' Drove me up a wall, at first. Now I kind of miss Buggy."

"Buggy?" Kaya laughed. "You have a thing for nicknames, huh? What do you call the rest of the crew?"

"Heh. Yeah. Well, the Commander's Lola-"

"She _lets _you call her Lola?"

"My rugged good looks help me get away with a lot," James said.

Kaya laughed and rolled her eyes. If she had met a guy like Jimmy Vega in college, Kaya probably would have tossed him aside as an arrogant jock. In medical school, she would have pegged the marine for a future surgeon and left him a wide berth. But Vega clearly wasn't like that. His confidence was not born of arrogance or superficiality. It was just his way. Kaya found it endearing.

"Anyway," James continued, "Garrus is Scars. Alenko's L2, although he doesn't really like that one. Liara is Doc."

"Shouldn't Liara be Blue? Or is that racist?"

"Hah! No. I don't think so, anyway. I'm not exactly the guy to ask about political correctness. Anyway, she's Doc. I suppose I could call her Blue and you - what? - Peaches?"

"Oh hell no," Kaya barked defensively, regretting ever putting the idea in his head. "That sounds like a damned stripper."

"Hah! Okay, I won't call you that. To your face."

Kaya crossed her arms and glared at him.

"If you even _think _the name Peaches again, I'll know. Remember?"

"Damn," James said, mimicking the five-foot-two girl before him by crossing his own arms. They both had to laugh and how ridiculous they probably looked.

"Anyway," James continued. "I don't have a nickname for Jack. Pretty sure she'd blast me across the room if I tried. And Joker doesn't need another nickname."

"Joker? Who's he?"

"Our pilot. Real name's Jeff, or something. Everyone calls him Joker, though. He's a cool guy."

"Gotcha. He's the last person on my list," Kaya said.

"List?"

"Yeah, sorry. That sounds weird. I'm just trying to introduce myself to everyone who actually knows about the whole woke-up-from-cryo-with-psychic-powers thing."

"Well, don't let me keep you, Blue. It's nice to actually meet you."

"Yeah, you too, Jimmy. I'll see you around."


	9. Chapter 9: Joker

Kaya stopped with a gasp when the elevator door opened in the CIC. Damn, she was really on a spaceship. _A military spaceship. _A holographic projection of the Normandy took up the center of the room as various crew members buzzed around. She stepped out of their way as a couple of enlisted got on the elevator, and she started carefully studying the model of the ship that dominated the room. The rest of the Normandy was pretty quiet, but the CIC was electric.

It was also a bit much. There were so many people. Their lives were just a little too loud, making her own thoughts seem like shouts and her hair stand on end.

Kaya started walking quickly up to the front of the ship, where things were quieter. The view through the cockpit doors was incredible. From here, she could actually _see _that they were flying through space.

_"Mars?" Mom said, voice breaking. She was smiling so big, tears welling in her eyes. "Oh, sweetie, I've dreamed of something like this since I was a little girl."_

_Kaya tried to act surprised, and she gave her mother a big hug. Cain had already told her about this. Drake's Point wanted to the recruit her mother, but they were also interested in the younger Dr. Cole. Play her cards right, and she could get planetside. Find out what the hell was really going on down there._

_Surely it couldn't be as bad as the intel said. _

_"Traveling through space with my daughter," Mom said, pulling away, bringing her daughter back into the moment. "Living on another planet. Oh, Kai, isn't it wonderful?"_

"Dr. Cole?"

Kaya blinked and looked around. Joker Moreau was facing her, having turned his pilot's chair around.

"Sorry. Hi. I was just … remembering something. It's quite a view you've got there," Kaya said. "I'm just giving myself a tour of the ship."

"Knock yourself out," Joker said, turning back around. "Let me know if you have any questions. I know this ship better than anyone."

"Oh, I wouldn't even know where to start. This technology here goes so far past anything people in my time would have dreamed of," Kaya said, gazing back out to space.

"Huh."

"What?" Kaya said carefully.

"It's just … you talk so matter-of-factly about it, Ma'am."

"Ma'am? You did not just call me Ma'am."

"Sorry, Doctor."

"It's just Kaya, okay?" she said with exasperation, growing tired of explaining this. She would need to figure out that Omni-tool thing so she could send around a memo. "All you damned military kids need to calm down."

Joker let out a bark of a laugh. "Roger that. I've been trying to tell everyone that for years. Word of advice. They won't."

Kaya laughed a bit herself before sighing pensively. "As to your comment. It just hasn't … set in yet. There's just way too much information to process. There's the time travel. The mass relays. The Council. The Citadel. The other sentient fucking races that we happen to share a galaxy with. And, oh yeah, a psychopath mad scientist kidnapped and tortured me. That was fun."

An uncomfortable silence filled the cabin, although Kaya felt it strangely emanated more from her end of the bridge.

"Sorry," Kaya said, her voice strained. "That was unnecessary."

"No need to apologize to me," Joker said. "You _should _be making angry jokes. I happen to believe angry jokes are always helpful."

"That why they call you Joker?"

"Actually, my old C.O. called me Joker because I never smiled. During flight school, I had a real stick up my ass trying to _prove myself._"

"I can relate. I was a lot like that in medical school," Kaya said. "My mom was a doctor herself. Kind of a big deal. She worked in the Senate for a while, knew the President, all kinds of crazy stuff. And then I was her daughter. I resented her so much for my first couple of years of med school. All my professors knew her. Respected her. She was the idol of some of my classmates. It was too much."

"So you had a stick up your ass trying to live up to everyone's expectations. I was trying to prove them all wrong," Joker said. "Your struggles were probably more noble."

"What were you trying to prove?"

"That I could do it. I could be a pilot. I, uh, have a medical condition that makes me unfit for active combat situations."

_Vrolik syndrome._

"Whoa. Back in my day, there's no way you could enlist. Even desk jockeys had to pass a fitness test. That's part of why I never joined up," Kaya said, wincing as she realized what had just happened. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"Did you just read my mind?"

He wasn't offended. He was ... surprised? Impressed? Intrigued? It was hard to read the more subtle distinctions between emotions in someone still deciding where he stood.

"Yeah," Kaya said quietly. "I am so, so sorry. Normally, I'm really good at kind of ignoring people's thoughts. But, whatever that fucker Marcus did to me really turned things up to eleven. What people think and what they say, it's all blending together."

"Don't worry about it," Joker said, although – Kaya realized with disquiet – his eyes seemed to have settled on the emotion of _concern_. "I guess I was probably going to tell you anyway. You're a doctor, after all. Maybe someone else besides Chakwas can worry about me."

"I'm not really a doctor. Not right now," Kaya sighed. "I wish people would stop saying it. There's no way I could practice now. I bet eighty percent of what I know is out of date. I wouldn't even know where to start with brittle bone disease. I mean, I never even did a residency. I was supposed to on Drake's Point. Or, really, I was supposed to after getting back from Drake's Point. Not that I could ever say that. It was supposed to be a one-way trip."

"Wait, really? Space flight didn't take _that _long before FTL."

"Sure, but it was just how things were done. If you went to the colonies, you were going for life. It was about establishing an actual population on another planet," Kaya explained. "Curious how that never actually happened with Mars. I looked it up on the extranet. They never really terraformed it."

"After they found the archives and the mass relays, I guess things changed," Joker said. "Huh. So, you really picked up your whole life? You were going to move to Mars and die there?"

"No. I was there for a mission, to gather intel on the colony. But … if I wasn't the world's only psychic and Drake's Point had actually turned out to be a decent place … yeah, I would have. It would have been me and my mom, playing space cowboy doctors," Kaya laughed.

"You have to realize what it was like back then," she continued, trying to put that feeling – that rush of excitement at the very idea of space flight – into words. "Traveling to other planets was still a pretty novel thing. I was just a kid when the first Martian research base was established. It was an adventure. And getting selected to go was a huge honor. Yeah, we would have died on Mars. But we would have been some of the first people to do that."

Joker let out a low whistle. "Wow, I can't even imagine. I mean, now and days, most human colonies are considered the back-ass end of nowhere."

Kaya shook her head. "I know. It's very _Firefly _of you guys."

"Don't think I know that one."

"It's an old show, from back when my great, great grandparents were kids. My grandmother made me watch it, once. A love of science fiction runs in my family. Then they remade it when I was a teenager. Not as good."

"I'll have to watch it some time."

"Watch the original," Kaya insisted. "It's so interesting, seeing what people thought space travel would be like two hundred years ago. Some things they were pretty spot on about. That being said, if anyone had, you know, made a show about people finding ancient alien artifacts on Mars, it would have been laughed at. Too cliché."

Joker laughed. "Man, this must all be weird for you."

"It's fucking crazy," she sighed. "Speaking of which, I should let you get back to work. I have a lot of reading to catch up on."

"Have fun."


	10. Chapter 10: Sanctuary

_If you've made it his far … you're either desperate, or stupid. Turn back now._

Kaya woke up screaming. She must have screamed for a while, unable to find the emotional fortitude to stop, because the lights flicked on as the door opened and Joker hobbled into the room. His eyes widened at the sight. Furniture was thrown about, the mirror behind the bar was smashed, and broken glass was everywhere. Kaya sat at the center of it in her pajamas, curled into a ball and staring up at him with unseeing eyes. The screaming had stopped, but tears were streaming down her face.

"What the hell?" Garrus stood in the doorway beside Joker, mouth agape.

"Go get Shepard," Joker said, moving slowly into the room. "Kaya, can you hear me?"

_A banshee screamed in the distance._

There was a flash of blue light, and a chair flew across the room. It knocked Joker off his feet and into the far wall.

"Joker!" Garrus ran over and pulled the chair off of him.

"I'm okay," he groaned. "I mean, not really. Everything's broken. Shit."

Jack ran from the Mess to see what all the fuss was about. When she saw Kaya, she immediately put up a containment field.

"You assholes okay?" she called over, looking around.

Joker groaned, and Garrus called out to Shepard over the comm.

"No answer. I think she's asleep. I'll go get her."

"Kaya," Jack said cautiously, stepping inside the containment field. "Kaya, it's Jack. Can you hear me."

_Turns out you can turn a scared little kid into an all-powerful bitch._

Kaya blinked, and she looked around as if seeing the room for the first time. It looked like a tornado had ripped through the place.

"What happened?" she said weakly, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Well, you almost killed Joker," Jack said, kneeling down.

"Oh my god!" Kaya gasped, looking over at him sprawled out on the ground.

She tried to get up, and Jack forced her back down. Kaya's biotics flared up, but there was nothing in the containment field for her to throw except Jack. And there wasn't a biotic alive who could move Jack against her will.

"Kaya. Calm down," Jack yelled. "You need to get your biotics under control. Now."

Kaya looked down at her hands, bathed in a strange blue light.

"How am I doing this?" she asked weakly.

"I don't know," Jack said. "Apparently you're a biotic after all. And you were given an amp. So you just need to calm down. When you're all tensed up like this, the random neural firings will make the biotics go haywire. Take a deep breath."

Kaya tried, but all that came out was a strangled sob. She started crying in earnest, and her biotic field came down. Jack thought about lowering the containment field and giving a Kaya a reassuring pat on the shoulder, but she worried that more physical contact would just set her off again. Somewhere, in the space between sobs, Kaya felt her concern. Her understanding. Jack had been here before.

Kaya had trained herself – forced herself – to remember that people's actions were important. People thought about all kinds of things they never did. A person's thoughts defined them far less than most would admit. But, still – even through the haze of pure panic and adrenaline – she appreciated Jack's brief moment of considering it.

There were a few minutes of shocked silence before Shepard came running into the room in an N7 tracksuit that matched Kaya's. She looked around for a moment before turning to Joker.

"Garrus, get Joker into the med bay and wake up Dr. Chakwas." She stepped to the edge of Jack's containment field.

_I was wondering when this would happen. There was no way she was okay. Didn't think she'd take out my pilot, though._

"Kaya, can you hear me? We're going to get you some help, okay?"

Kaya had always looked younger than twenty five, and now it really showed. Curled up on the floor, choking on sobs as she pressed her forehead to her knees and refused to look at anyone, she appeared closer to fourteen.

"I'm sorry," Kaya choked out.

"Hah," Jack laughed. "For what? Hurting Joker? Little shit will be fine. He breaks a rib if he sneezes too hard."

"Jack, I don't think that's helping," Shepard warned.

"Sanctuary," Kaya said quietly, her whisper so low that Shepard was not sure she heard correctly. She and Garrus exchanged a look, just as Garrus was picking Joker up off the ground.

"Carried by a turian. On my own damn ship. If the people at flight school could see me now," Joker groaned.

"Jack, go help Garrus and Joker," Shepard ordered.

"But-"

"Go. I can put up another containment field if I need to." Jack visibly bristled at being ordered around, but she left all the same. Shepard turned to Kaya. She had stopped crying, but she would not lift her head from its place tucked under her curled arms. "Your abilities," Shepard started slowly, trying to carefully choose words that would not get her thrown across the room. "Do they let you relive people's memories?"

Kaya raised her head slightly and nodded. "I bet that's far from the worst thing you've ever seen," she said quietly.

Shepard sat down cross-legged on the floor and shook her head. "No, that was up there. What happened to those people … turning refugees into test subjects. It was unforgivable. Grotesque. I still have nightmares. Looks like I gave one to you. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Kaya whispered. "I just keep thinking about Drake's Point. I was supposed to stop them. I still don't know what really happened there. The files are all classified. Maybe I don't want to know. But if it was anything like that …"

She trailed off, leaving an uncomfortable silence between them. Kaya tried to take comfort in how worried Shepard was. This woman, who barely knew her, really cared. But then Kaya saw her own image in Shepard's mind: mascara running down her face, hair a tangled mess, blood dripping down her temple.

She raised a hand to her head, and it came away covered in warm dark liquid. Must have hit herself with some furniture. She couldn't even feel it.

Dr. Chakwas walked in then and immediately set to running a scan with her Omni-tool. "These neural readings are off the charts, Commander. Kaya, I can give you a sedative, if you want."

"That would be … nice," Kaya said, taking in a shaky breath. "I just want to go back to bed."


	11. Chapter 11: Aftermath

Kaya woke up in the med bay and sat up, breathing deeply into her back and giving it a satisfying crack. Then memories of the night before flooded back, sharp and painful. Across from her, Joker was propped up in his bed, looking at a data pad.

Kaya felt her breath catch in her throat. She should say something. Apologize. She opened her mouth, brows knit together as she tried to find an appropriate way of saying "I'm sorry I almost killed you with a chair."

Joker smiled. "Don't."

"I thought I was the psychic one," she said softly.

"Everyone on this ship. Every single goddamned person. Everyone has nightmares. We've all be to hell and back, somewhere. Some people were on Earth, fighting in the resistance when the Reapers attacked. Some of us have stuck with Shepard, and there's a whole host of PTSD-inducing stories right there.

"I was flying the Normandy when the Collectors boarded and took _everyone. _It was just me. For a solid hour, all alone, before Shepard and the gang got back. It was hell. Agony. If I had biotics, you can be damn sure I'd have thrown some chairs around, too. So don't apologize. And don't think no one here understands."

Kaya could feel tears welling in her eyes. She impatiently brushed them away and felt a sizable bandage on her right temple. She fiddled with it a bit, wondering how bad the damage was. There had been a lot of blood.

"Thanks," she said with a forced smile, hugging her knees into her chest. "Although I'm not sure that's what I needed to hear. It wasn't one of my nightmares. Apparently these enhanced psychic abilities mean I get to share in all of yours."

"Well, shit."

Kaya studied the sudden concern in Joker's face and really wished she had kept her mouth shut.

"How badly did I mess you up, anyway?" she asked, trying what she could to steer the conversation away from herself.

Joker raised his eyebrows in surprise at the question, but he gave her the rundown. "Broken sternum, four fractured ribs, fractured hip, broken wrist. I've had worse. Besides, that's what cybernetics are for. It's already healing."

"Seriously?"

"Oh, yeah. The first time the Collectors attacked the ship. When the Normandy crashed after the Reapers were taken down. The attack on the Collector base was pretty bad, too. Trust me, I'll be okay. No grudges or anything. ... You were more interested in the healing rate, weren't you?"

"Maybe. But that's good," Kaya said. "I'm pretty sure getting on the pilot's bad side is bad luck."

"You can keep believing that's a thing. I'm okay with that," Joker said with a smile.

Joker turned back to his datapad, and they sat in silence for a while. Unbidden, Kaya found herself exploring Joker's mind before she could actively arrest herself. There was a darkness there, a reason the smiles and jokes did not quite meet his eyes. There was a hole.

_EDI. Enhanced Defense Intelligence._

Something from earlier made sense. A pang of guilt, as Shepard looked over to Joker lying on the floor. Not related to the situation at hand. She just always felt guilty around Joker.

She had made the decision. She knew what she was sacrificing. She still had not been able to tell anyone but Garrus. Even Hackett didn't know.

_Only now do I feel truly alive. That was your influence._

Kaya felt a sob rising in her throat. She turned away from Joker and looked out the window into the Mess, chastising herself for going down that rabbit hole. All around her, there was so much loss. Then again, the shared experience made things easier, somehow. She could focus on their problems and emotions instead of her own pain.

Dr. Chakwas was talking to Engineer Adams over by the kitchen island. She saw Kaya looking through the med bay window and stood up.

"Looks like my other patient is finally awake," the doctor said upon entering the room. She ran some scans, but everything looked pretty normal. "Your implants are healing well. I'm going to give you a sedative to take each night, though. Too much biotics at the start of an implant's life can do some permanent neural damage."

Thank god. If Kaya never had another dream again, it would be too soon. She did not need to go storming about through everyone else's nightmares.

"How badly did I hit my head, doc?" Kaya asked, touching her bandage.

"Nothing too serious. We applied some Medi-Gel. The bandage is to keep you from scratching it off. The scars will be healed in a couple of days."

"The wonders of modern medicine. Seriously," Kaya said shaking her head. She had read up a little on Medi-Gel. She could only imagine having it on hand during her ER rotation in school. The number of lives it could have saved, especially after that big earthquake her fourth year.

"You know, if you want to continue with your studies, I'm always around," Dr. Chakwas offered.

"That … that would be amazing, actually," Kaya said with a smile. "I mean, I can't be an Alliance prisoner forever. Eventually they're gonna have to let me go live my life. Getting back to medicine would be nice."

"You're not our prisoner, Kaya," Joker interjected.

"Really? So if I just decided to get off the ship next time we docked, that would be okay?" Kaya gave a somewhat bitter laugh. She had not realized until right now how annoying her lack of freedom was. "Come on, Joker. I'm a valuable fucking asset to the Alliance. So much so that they put the savior of the damn galaxy in charge of babysitting me."

"Protecting you," Joker shot back. "There could be more psychopath mad scientists out there, who want to bring you along for their next round of Skyllian Five."

"What?"

"It's like poker."

"I'm sure that's what the mad scientists have in mind."

"That's what I would do. Take you on a professional circuit. Make bank."

"You wouldn't … oh, I don't know … want to steal some state secrets to sell to terrorists?"

"Nah, too predictable. And evil."

"Well, we could always just break out of here. Or steal the ship. Become professional poker playing pirates."

"Say that five times fast," Joker laughed.

Kaya felt a little twinge in her chest, though she wasn't sure who it belonged to. That had been happening since they got her off Omega. A laugh or pain that wasn't her own, but it almost felt like it was. It didn't happen often, which was nice. It seemed to be limited to strong emotions and close physical proximity. And on a ship this size, that was a particularly important blessing. Kaya had enough of her own angst to worry about.

Still, whether it was her or Jeff that had felt a little flutter of happiness, Kaya was pretty sure she had made a friend. She smiled. That was sorely needed right now.


	12. Chapter 12: Hackett

Kaya was drying her hair in the bathroom mirror when a voice startled her.

"Kaya, you there?"

"Shepard … why are you inside my head?" Kaya said slowly, looking around. She apparently had the project her own voice into other people's minds, but this was new.

"It's your comm, Kaya," Shepard replied. She tried and failed not sounding amused.

"I have a comm? Why didn't anyone tell me this?" Kaya asked, trying to feel along her ears for any signs of an implant. She knew they had put in some cybernetics. Her spine had to be repaired with nanotechnology – the tissue had thawed and refrozen at one point, rupturing her neural membranes – and she had the translator and Omni-tool. The latter she was still trying to figure out how to work, but it was pretty freaking cool.

No one told her she had a damn built in walkie-talkie.

"Sorry. Must have missed that one," Shepard responded. "Anyway, can you come upstairs to the war room?"

"War room?" Kaya asked, still feeling a little disoriented by the damn voice inside her head.

"Yeah. It's off the CIC. Turn right when you get off the elevator."

"Uh, okay. Yeah. Be right up. Someone's gonna have to teach me to use this thing, though. I mean, how do I hang up?"

"Just think about it. It's hooked directly into your CNS."

"That's cool. Kinda creepy, but cool. Anyway, be right there."

_Hang up. I guess?_

The future was going to take some getting used to. Kaya threw her hair up into a topknot and hastily applied some mascara she had borrowed from Liara. She tucked her bra straps in under her N7 tank top, lamenting the fact that bras were still a thing. Surely modern society had learned to embrace the natural female form, comfy boobs and all.

Kaya had to go through a security scan before entering the war room. It all felt very ominous and official. She walked through an empty conference room into what she could only describe as the damned Battlestar Galactica.

_Note to self, make Joker watch that too. The one from Nan's day. I bet the whole crew would get a kick out of it, actually._

Shepard waved at her from the other side of a circular console in the middle of the room. She walked down the stairs and around, trying not to be too nosy. This was the "war room" after all. There were probably state secrets – hell, _planet _secrets – hidden in the holograms. But damn it all looked impressive.

On the other side, in a small side room, Shepard was facing a holographic representation of an older man in uniform.

"Admiral Hackett, this is Dr. Kaya Cole."

"Lieutenant."

_Damn._

Kaya sighed and saluted the Admiral.

"Wait, since when are you a Lieutenant?"

"Project Indigo was a joint military-civilian operation," Admiral Hackett said, eyeing Kaya suspiciously. She did not need to be in the same room to know that her omission had gotten them off to a bad start.

"I was inducted into the military through some back channels. Got promoted to Lieutenant when I finished medical school. But it was all just for proper record keeping. I'm still not _technically _military."

"Not true, Lieutenant," the Admiral said. "You were listed as MIA when the Magellan disappeared. Since the Alliance took over Indigo, you've been reinstated by us."

"Wasn't someone going to, I don't know, ask me about this?" Kaya said with raised eyebrows. "No offense to either of you, but I never really wanted to be in the military."

The Admiral's disapproving glare intensified. Kaya could sense that Shepard liked this man. Respected him. Trusted him. Kaya was not getting the same vibes.

"Consider this another move for proper record keeping, then. Cole, I want to embed you on the Normandy. We still don't know how Dr. Marcus found out about Indigo, and, until we do, the Alliance wants to be sure that you're secure."

"Couldn't have me falling into the wrong hands," Kaya muttered.

"I won't lie to you, lieutenant. This is more about keeping you away from enemy forces than keeping you safe," Hackett said. Shepard looked over at Kaya with a raised eyebrow, impressed with the speed at which she had managed to annoy an officer that so outranked her. "But the Normandy is still your best chance at staying unharmed."

"Okay. So what's the official story here?"

"You're doing your residency with Dr. Chakwas in military medicine. That should suffice."

"Sounds good. We were actually just talking about that."

"Alright. Now, even though the official story keeps you out of operations, the Alliance wants you in the field."

"Wait, what?" Shepard interrupted. "Sir, I don't think Kaya – Lieutenant Cole – is ready for fieldwork."

"Lieutenant? By your timeline, you were preparing for a top secret mission to gather intelligence on war crimes level experiments on a Martian colony this time last week. Are you ready for fieldwork?"

_No. Not even close. The only thing I'm ready for is curling up in a ball and crying over someone else's nightmares._

"Yes, sir," Kaya said, adding in a salute for good measure. Next to her, Kaya could feel Shepard's doubt and disapproval.

_Please don't tell him._

"Point made, sir," Shepard said, shooting Kaya a sideways look.

"Good. Take her with you to Eden Prime. Hackett out."

The hologram disappeared, leaving the whole room seeming a little too dark for a few seconds.

"Are you sure about this?" Shepard asked.

"I'm going to need a little instruction in how to use a thermal clip, Commander. But, the admiral's right. I am trained for field work," Kaya said.

"Yeah, I'm not giving you a gun. Not after last night." Kaya opened her mouth to argue, but shut up quickly after getting a stern look from Shepard. The Commander continued, "This is a recon mission. There are reports of some Cerberus activity. We are just going to find out more information."

"But you're expecting trouble, aren't you?" Kaya asked. There was no point in hiding mission parameters from a psychic.

"Maybe. If it gets too hot, you get out of there, Lieutenant. That's an order."

"You're enjoying pulling rank on me too much, _ma'am," _Kaya said with a smirk. "I will warn you, I never actually went through military training. I don't really know the rules, so I sure as hell won't be following them."

"Just do what I tell you, and you'll be fine. Go down to the cargo bay. Make James get you some armor. Dismissed."

Kaya moved to salute the Commander, but she immediately brought her hand back down. Shepard wasn't in the mood to play games. News of Cerberus had definitely ruffled her feathers.


	13. Chapter 13: Eden

There were a lot of bad memories here. Shepard and Kaidan in particular were on edge.

_Jenkins. Nilhus. Saren. Ash._

_The Prothean Beacon. Javik._

This was where it all began, almost a decade ago now. It was also where it ended, once, for a dead civilization. The Normandy's crew had been back since the Geth attack, but they were clearly still uneasy. Kaya carried their discomfort with her, out of place against such a beautiful backdrop.

"Kaya, what the hell are you doing down there?"

Joker's voice rang in her head. Would this ever get less disorienting? Kaya supposed it would be nice for music, if she could figure that out. For now, though, she preferred the voices in her head to be her own. Not that she was having much luck with that before.

"Apparently I'm now a Lieutenant in the Alliance Navy. So that's fun."

"_The lieutenant _was holding out on us," Shepard said. She was trying, unsuccessfully, to sound light about it. "Indigo was a military operation."

"Oh man, the Commander's pissed. She could have been ordering you around all this time," Joker laughed.

"Joker," Shepard warned over the comm.

"Joint military-civilian," Kaya corrected. "The CIA took the lead. The military stuff was mostly for security clearance. And because the politicians on the Defense Committee couldn't figure out who the hell should have jurisdiction over me. It was a mess.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier. I just figured I was officially dead. And I didn't realize that the U.S. military had pretty much been folded into the Alliance."

"So, if you're on the ground, can I assume you have sexy secret agent training?" Joker asked. "Also, we're on your private channel now."

Kaya knew the shock registered on her face from the way Kaidan raised an eyebrow at her. He assumed, correctly, that Joker had said something privately. However, Kaidan never would have guessed that Joker was _flirting_.

"I know where you sleep, Joker. I also know four ways to kill you with a ballpoint pen."

Shepard shot Kaya a bemused glance, clearly wondering what the hell Joker had just said.

"I don't think we have any of those on the Normandy, _Lieutenant._"

"Fine, but there are a lot of weapons just lying around."

"Kaya, are you threatening my pilot? You already took him out of commission once. I kind of need him ready for duty," Shepard said as they turned a corner.

"Yeah, Kaya. Stop threatening the most important person on the ship," Joker said. "Still on your private channel, by the way. I'll just be here, imagining you doing backflips in a skin-tight suit, taking down some rogue black ops agent with your bare hands."

"Commander, how do I turn this thing off?"

"You can block him from your private channel with the Omni-tool."

"Thanks."

Joker started to protest as Kaya found the setting.

"What was he saying?" Kaidan said with a raised eyebrow and a smile.

Kaya felt a pang of guilt. They were happy. Joker hadn't flirted with anyone in years, but something in Kaya's tone must have given him away. And then Kaya had just shut him down.

He was flirting, right?

"Commander, I have a question," Kaya said, deflecting. Shepard nodded, and Kaya continued, looking down at her chest, "Why exactly does official Alliance issue armor have boob holsters? I mean, it just seems unnecessary."

On the other end of the comm, Kaya heard Joker spit out something. Kaidan and Vega were blushing. Garrus looked unfazed, although it was quite hard to read turian facial expressions, given their almost total lack of them. Then he remembered what "boobs" were, and even Garrus had the common decency to feel uncomfortable.

"Lieutenant, please stop trying to embarrass your male comrades to death," Shepard requested.

"It's a serious question, Commander," Kaya insisted. "Also, if your galaxy-saving guys can't handle a simple reference to female anatomy, you have bigger problems on your hands."

"It's actually a sensor issue," Garrus said, quickly regaining his composure. "And it helps with distribution of Medi-gel. The suit needs to be, ahem, form-fitting."

"Okay, I get that," Kaya said, putting her hands on the cups. She smirked a bit at the way Kaidan blushed an even deeper shade of red. "But why not put another, nondescript piece of armor over it? It's just so … tacky."

"Last thing you want to do is weigh down a soldier in light armor. If it bothers you so much, you can get a heavy outfit," Garrus suggested.

Kaya shot a look at Vega, who lit up with a wicked smile. "I believe I asked if this was the only armor you had, Lieutenant Commander."

"I didn't think you'd want the heavy stuff."

"Right," Kaya said slowly, rolling her eyes.

"It does way a damn ton," Shepard said.

"Shouldn't you be on my side here?" Kaya quipped.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention to the civilians, looking for Cerberus connections?" Shepard said seriously.

"I am. Nothing yet. Just a whole lot of thoughts about farming. And some bad memories."

"Bad memories?" Garrus asked.

Kaya fell silent, but then she did hear something. Feel something. She stopped walking, falling behind the rest of the squad.

"Hold up," Kaya said. _Cerberus. Shepard. Someone knew they were there._

"Is your spidey-sense tingling?" Joker said over the comm.

"I wasn't kidding about that pen thing, you know," Kaya said. "I wasn't bringing a gun onto Mars, so I needed other ways to protect myself. But … yes. Also, a Spiderman reference, really?"

"Are you kidding?" Joker laughed. "It's a classic. They've remade those movies every twenty years for – what? – the past two centuries?"

"What is it, Kaya?" Shepard said, sounding a little bit annoyed with the both of them.

"They know we're here. Definitely Cerberus. But I'm not a goddamn radar. I don't actually know where they are."

Suddenly she felt strange, like a large gust of wind had just slammed into her back.

"Take cover!" Shepard shouted. Vega pulled Kaya behind one of the prefab houses they had been walking between.

"What the hell was that?" Kaya yelled.

"Stay down!" James yelled back.

Kaya looked over at Shepard, Garrus, and Kaidan where they had taken cover on the other side of the street.

"Holy shit. What just happened?" Joker called over the comm.

"They took out her shields," Shepard said. "Kaya, stay down and out of sight."

"Does someone maybe want to give me a gun now?"

"Vega, give her your sidearm. But you will stay down," Shepard growled. "No shooting unless they get past us. Hackett will kill me if you get shot on a routine mission."

Bullets were being exchanged. Kaya tried to focus, to count how many there were on the other side. But people were running, screaming. Kaya felt searing pain as a man running through the streets got shot in the shoulder. He fell to the ground, alive but burning.

She took a deep breath. Then another.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six._

"There's six of them," Kaya called over the comm. She tried, unsuccessfully, to keep her voice calm. "But they have backup coming."

"Then let's take them out," Garrus said.

When the firefight was over – Kaya was shocked at how quickly it went by – James pulled Kaya by the arm into one of the houses along the street. There was an older couple inside who looked startled but battle-hardened.

They had been on Eden Prime for years. This was not the first gunfight either had witnessed.

Kaya was still clutching her pistol, entire body tensed up. A datapad flew off the table and smashed into the refrigerator across the room, glowing with blue light.

"Hey, Blue, relax," James said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Take a breath."

Kaya placed her gun in its holster with shaking hands.

"Do you know where the rest of them are?" Shepard asked. Kaya shook her head. "Damn."

"Hey, Joker, can you get word to some medics or something?" Kaya said over the comm. "There was a civilian who got shot."

"Yeah, ground forces are on their way. I'll make sure they're bringing in medical support," Joker said.

"Thanks," Kaya said. Shepard gave her an approving nod.

She knew what they thought before. She looked so young. More fifteen than twenty five. And they had seen her at her most vulnerable, tortured and broken, on more than one occasion.

Up until now, she had been a scared little kid, traversing heavily unfamiliar territory. They had been trying to protect her. And they still were. But, now, there was some respect. She kept a level head. Remembered her training. To a bunch of soldiers, that meant something.

"What the hell were they thinking, attacking us when they were evenly matched?" Kaidan wondered out loud. "They can't have known who we are."

"They did. They recognized Shepard," Kaya said.

"So, cannon fodder, then," Garrus said. "Shepard, I don't like this. It seems like a diversion."

"Agreed," Shepard said. "Joker, watch your six. And send a shuttle to pick up Kaya."

"Wait, what? No way," Kaya protested.

"Your job was to figure out if Cerberus was here or not. We know the answer to that now. Get back on the ship."

"But-"

"That's an order, Lieutenant," Shepard said.

Kaya narrowed her eyes, but she knew the Commander's resolve was set. "Yes, ma'am."


	14. Chapter 14: Waiting

"How do you do this?" Kaya sighed with exasperation, pacing behind Joker's chair in the cockpit.

"They tell me patience is a virtue," Joker said. "I know, it sucks. Hey, that guy you requested medical help for is okay, by the way. Just getting in the report now."

Kaya smiled and put a hand on Joker's shoulder. "Thanks. I needed that."

He uncomfortably shifted beneath her hand, so Kaya drew away and returned to pacing. She had always been affectionate. _Bipolar in her interpersonal relationships. Too quick to trust some, coldly distant to others. Have yet to discern a rational pattern._

Man, that shrink had pissed her off. When she started seriously considering psychiatry, Kaya had vowed to never be as detached as that asshole.

"You know, I've never been shot before," she mused, figuring some light banter about gunfire would help the mood.

"Except you didn't actually get shot. They just took down your shields," Joker said.

"Yeah, but still. It felt weird. Have you ever been shot?"

"Can't say that I have. But I can't imagine it would be pretty. Bone shards everywhere."

Kaya winced. "I still can't believe they let you serve somewhere so dangerous. So many occupational hazards."

"It's the military, Kaya. Occupational hazards are part of the job description," Joker said. Kaya detected his annoyance.

"Sorry, I was joking," she said quickly. "I'm not trying to pity or coddle-"

"Get out of my head, Kaya."

"Sorry. It's not that easy, though. I can't just turn it off."

"You could try."

"I have-"

"No you haven't."

"How the hell would you know?"

Shepard's voice cut through the room. "Would you two please stop arguing on the public channel?"

"Sorry, boss," Joker said, shooting Kaya a look. She stuck out her tongue at him, and Joker rolled his eyes as he turned back to his console. "What are you, six?"

Underneath the annoyance – was he always so moody? – there was a hint of amusement. It was buried deep, but she would take it.

"God damn, you're already like an old married couple," Vega said.

"Okay, we're in," Shepard called over the comm.

The local police had forwarded over information on where Cerberus was probably holed up while Kaya was being shuttled back to the Normandy. Garrus was pretty sure it was a trap. Kaya, even with her limited tactical experience, was inclined to agree.

"Can we please keep radio silence unless there's something important," Shepard added.

"Sorry, Commander. I don't know how to mute this damn thing yet," Kaya apologized.

"Give me your Omni-tool," Joker said. Kaya pulled it up and held out her arm. "It should just be muting on its own, unless you're actually trying to talk to the team. Sometimes the settings get kind of messed up, though." Joker pushed a few virtual buttons. "There. That should fix it."

"Thanks," Kaya said, sitting down in the chair next to his. She suddenly felt him bristle.

_EDI._

She quickly started to sit back up, but Joker interrupted her. "Don't. Just don't, okay?"

"My being here makes you uncomfortable. I should leave."

"No. I … I like you being here, Kaya. It takes the edge off the waiting. It's just that no one's sat there since, well, you already know. But," Joker took a deep, pained breath. "Maybe it's time someone did. You said you wanted to learn how to fly, right?"

Images of her from two nights ago were flashing through his head. It was taking everything he had not to snap at her, so Kaya found herself pleasantly surprised by the semblance of kindness he managed to get into his tone.

"Yeah, but I meant like a Cesna or something," Kaya said with a smile. "Not sure you want me accidently crashing the Normandy."

"As opposed to crashing on purpose?" Joker quipped.

"James told me about the Prothean Archives," Kaya said with a smile.

"Hah! Yeah, okay, good point. Don't think Steve ever quite forgave him for that one. Here." He reached over and powered up the console. "Poke around in there. Don't worry. You won't be able to space us all out the airlock or something. Just see if you can find any useful intel from the ground."

"Yes, sir," Kaya said, staring at the console. The layout of modern computers was completely unfamiliar. Humanity had apparently taken all of the elegance of the interfaces she was used to and thrown it out the window. _In favor of bloody orange holograms. _She just wanted to find a damn search engine or something.

"This place is completely empty," Shepard said over the comm. "I don't like it."

Suddenly, the Normandy lurched violently forward. Kaya screamed out as her head slammed against the console.

"We've been hit!" Joker called out. "Shields at eighty percent! Commander, we've got company. And they've got a stealth drive. Attempting evasive maneuvers."

"How the hell did they find us?" Shepard yelled over the comm.

"Cerberus, remember? They did build the damn Normandy."

The ship jolted to the left and picked up speed. Kaya held her bleeding forehead, wishing she had kept her armor on. Shields would have been useful right about now.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!"

"Joker, status report!" Shepard called out.

"Kinda busy right now, Commander!" Joker called out, hands frantically moving over the console. "Oh, shit!"

The ship suddenly came to an abrupt halt. Even with the inertial dampeners, Kaya was pretty sure she had whiplash. Maybe a concussion. Everything was spinning.

"Oh man. They've broken through our cyberwarfare defenses, Commander. They have control of the ship. They're … they're docking. I need people on the airlock, now!"

Soldiers ran up behind them, grabbing weapons from a nearby munitions locker. Someone pulled helmet on her. She felt it seal uncomfortably across her neck as Shepard's curses came over the comm.

Everything was spinning. And it was loud. So loud. So many angry voices. Someone was screaming at her to get down. Shepard was yelling about getting a shuttle. Shots were being fired. She could feel them, the bullets ripping through shields and into flesh.

It had to stop. Just make it stop.

_Make it stop._

Some of the voices went silent. The bullets finished ringing. Joker was yelling something as the ship started moving again.

"Moving in for immediate evac. Get ready, Commander."

There were bodies behind them. Empty, riddled with holes. Vented out the airlock. They weren't all Cerberus. Traces of who they were clung to them. Clung to her, rather. There was nothing left on the other side of that airlock door. Kaya sat with her eyes clenched tightly closed, but she could _see _them. Feel them. Even as the ship pulled further away toward the looming garden world.

Someone was yelling at her. "Kaya! Damn it, Kaya, answer me!"

Kaya ripped at her helmet, trying to figure out how to release the seal. She felt claustrophobic.

"Button on the right," Joker said. "Kaya, tell me you're okay."

She took a deep, shaking breath as the valve released. "No, I'm not okay. But I'm not injured, either."

"They're not following, Commander," Joker said. "I don't know what the hell just happened."

"I turned off life support," Kaya said quietly.

At first, Kaya did not think Joker had heard her. Then a foreign knot of dread filled her stomach.

"You … how?"

"I got inside his head. I looked for a way out. I saw it. I took it," she said mechanically. "Like with Marcus. I just … made it stop."

She felt a sharp pain behind her, just like back on Eden. If this was only an approximation of what a gunshot wound felt like, Kaya was heavily grateful that her armor had shields.

"We've got wounded," Kaya said quietly, standing up and realizing she was shaking all over. "I need to help them."


	15. Chapter 15: Home

Kaya stood with her hands against the window of the observation deck, her bandaged forehead pressed against the glass. Jack was sitting on the couch behind her, a silent guardian, there to make sure she did not fall asleep with a concussion.

_Anger. Fear. Confusion. Pain. Emptiness._

It was hard to distinguish which emotions belonged to who. Kaya had reached into someone's mind and turned it off, again. Before, it was so personal that there was little time or emotional energy to dwell on the process. Marcus was dead. Kaya had originally be surprised by how happy that made her.

Now she wished she could be just as ignorantly and cruelly happy about this. Sure, those Cerberus operatives were trying to kill them. The _did _kill members of the Normandy crew. But she could not feel the same unadulterated hatred toward them.

There was just emptiness. Shame. Fear.

She had never been afraid of herself before. Not really. The skeletons in her closet came close, but this was a whole new kind of danger. Now she could kill people with her mind in a whole myriad of ways. The implications were alarming.

"Jack," Kaya said quietly, breaking an hour-long silence during which the biotic had been uncharacteristically patient. "You've killed people before, yes?"

"Kaya, you were protecting the crew."

"But you don't feel remorse about any of them," Kaya continued, ignoring her.

"I was surviving."

"How do you reach that point? How do you reach a point where you don't feel like some demon in disguise, some person unworthy of drawing another breath?"

Jack stood up quickly, grabbed Kaya's shoulders, and spun her around. She shook her, hard, tapping the back of her head against the glass.

"You were protecting the crew," Jack said, slowly and loudly, like she was trying to convince a krogan. "You protected the crew. Saved all of our asses before I could even get up to the bridge. _That's _why you should feel no remorse. Those assholes would have killed you without a second thought. Or worse. Don't forget that."

Tears were pooling in Kaya's eyes. She tried to choke them back, but they fell anyway.

"You don't understand. You can't understand. You don't feel your victims dying. Panicking. _Pleading," _Kaya coughed.

Jack let go and stepped back.

_Fear. Disgust. Pity._

"You were protecting the crew," she said, her voice strained. Doubtful. Apprehensive. "Don't forget that."

Kaya turned back to look out the window, as if she expected to see Earth appear any moment. They were heading there now. Kaya felt a little comforted by that.

_Home._

But then the doubts creeped in, reminding her how very not-home it would all be. It had been sixty years. There had been a Reaper attack that nearly wiped out all life.

She didn't have a home now. Not really. And, for the first time in her life, even her mind was not a quiet refuge.

A few measly hours later, they reached Earth. Before the mass relays, the trip literally would have taken a lifetime in cryostasis. Some corporations were talking about sending colonists out beyond the stars, back before this mess, but everything was in the early stages.

Little did they know that the Prothean Archives were only a few years away.

Kaya found herself wishing she had been there to experience it. The Archives. The mass relays. First contact. Discovery after incredible discovery. All of her crew mates just took it for granted. They had grown up in this brave new world.

Kaya found herself wishing she had friends back on Earth, but pretty much everyone she was close to had been on the Magellan. Not that she had been close to many people.

Still, her old classmates would only be in their eighties and nineties now. Even though Kaya had found relating to normal people difficult while in school, she doubted they would run out of things to talk about now.

She looked out the observation deck window and watched her home planet grow nearer. Kaya remembered the first time she had seen Earth from this vantage point, in person.

_"Spaaaaaaaaace," Kaya giggled. She was ten. Her pitch black hair was pulled into two parallel braids across her shoulders. Her fingers played at the ends of them as she twisted, looking out the window from the ISS Grace._

_Her father placed a hand on her shoulder, a proud smile at his eyes. She had almost forgotten how happy he looked back then, before the accident. Before the cancer and the nights spent coughing up blood._

_"Look," he pointed out the window. "Do you see that little island there?"_

_"That's where Obachan and Ojichan live!" Kaya said, proud of her own knowledge._

_"That's right, Kaya-chan. And just across the water, there-"_

_"Is where we live! But Otosan, it's not _just _across the water. It's so far!"_

_"Not quite as far as here, my sweet."_

_If you could see me now, Otosan._

Kaya watched the planet getting nearer. Once upon a time, this descent was dangerous. Even deadly, with astronauts losing their lives when external shielding failed. Now, she didn't even need to buckle up.

They docked in Vancouver. Kaya had never been. She found herself wanting to go see the sights, the old twinge of the traveler still there. Everything ached. She tried to tell herself it was just residual from her multiple head wounds.

The truth was a lot worse. Coming back to Earth _hurt. _It held the memories of everyone she had lost, everyone she had ever loved. Her parents. Her friends. The odd couple of boyfriends she had picked up for brief periods. She thought about those old classmates. How many of them had died watching the Reapers attack, thinking the end of days had come? She had not been able to bring herself to look up their names on the extranet.

"Do you want some company?"

Joker had apparently snuck up behind her. She had not even heard the door open. They had not spoken since the _incident _on the bridge. Had that really only been a few hours ago?

"I'd like that," Kaya said quietly.

He just stood there with her. And while she could feel his pain and worry – while she could feel his confusion over worrying about someone he had literally met a few days ago, someone he had been ready to throw out of the cockpit earlier in the day – he kept a peaceful silence.

_Actions speak louder than words, Kaya-chan. It's a harder lesson for you than most. But I hope, in time, you forgive this old man for his._

"I have a policy," Kaya said softly, breaking the silence. "Since I get to know everyone's secrets. I think it's only fair I tell people some of mine."

"Oh, like what?"

"Being home makes me think of my family. My dad was in Okinawa with me when the accident happened. I was living with him after my parents split up. My mom traveled too much to make a good guardian. I blamed him for so long. For leaving. For dying. For dying painfully and slowly. I held that it was his fault. It was his fault we were there. His fault we inhaled the toxic fumes. I was so angry.

"Then, years later, I blamed myself for never telling him how much he meant. For never explaining why I was so angry. I was fourteen. Of course I was going to be irrational and stupid. But even as an adult, I couldn't forgive myself.

"Of course he knew. He loved me so much. It was evident right until the end. I know he never held it against me. But it took years to realize that.

"We flew over Japan on our way in. That's where I'm from. Well, that's where I lived for a time, anyway. From eleven to fourteen. Then I moved back to DC to be with my mom. I moved all over the planet, actually. Los Angeles, New York, London, Tokyo. It always felt like I didn't have a home. I had thought being out here would give me a wider perspective. Make me realize that Earth is my home.

"So why am I not happy to be back?"

A deep silence filled the small space between them. Kaya felt him thinking about his own father, who died when the Reapers attacked. He thought about Gunnie, alive and well and here. He felt guilty for a moment, having family. Feeling happy. With someone in so much pain right next to him, Joker felt _wrong._

"How long do we have before I have to go talk to the brass?" Kaya asked suddenly.

"A few hours," Joker replied, pulling away from the window. "You know what? Let's go do something. I think you've earned a little shore leave"

"Like what?" Kaya said, turning to him, surprised by this turn in events.

"There's a great little sushi place down by the water."

"That's just racist," Kaya said, smirking.

"What? No! I didn't mean because you're – I just meant it's good." Kaya started laughing in earnest at his discomfort, and he playfully hit her in the arm.

"I love sushi. And ramen. I'm a stereotype that way. Let's go."

"Just don't tell Shepard," Joker said. "Last time I took her to a sushi restaurant, she blew up their aquarium."

"She – wait, what?"


	16. Chapter 16: Brass

So full. Whenever she went out for sushi, Kaya always ate too much. This time was no different. Her stomach felt ready to explode, and Kaya was particularly happy that she was wearing Shepard's oversized N7 sweatshirt. If she was in one of those skin tight outfits that was all the rage these days, Kaya was pretty sure she would have looked pregnant.

"You know, I'm not so sure alliance brass is gonna be happy about you wearing N7 gear into their big, scary debriefing, Blue," Vega said as they entered Alliance HQ.

"Well, then they can buy me new clothes. Or get me a paycheck. Actually, yeah, shouldn't I be getting paid as an official crew member on the Normandy?"

"We had other clothes on board," Shepard mused.

"Yeah, all of which don't leave you room to breathe, let alone eat a giant sushi dinner," Kaya quipped. "Seriously, who decided that was a good idea while I was away? I like my clothing to have flow and structure, to have an art to the skillful draping of the fabric."

"And you've lost me," James said, shaking his head. "You should take her shopping, Lola."

Kaidan let out a snort, causing Shepard to whack him playfully upside the head.

"Maybe Liara can take her," Kaidan corrected himself quickly. "She likes that sort of thing."

"Captain Shepard. Major Alenko," a young servicewoman in dress blues greeted them with a salute. She only continued once they had returned the gesture. "I'm supposed to escort you and Lieutenant Cole up to the Admiral's office."

"And that's my queue to bounce," James said. "I'm gonna hit up the shooting range. Try not to get in too much trouble with Hackett."

"Wait, Captain? Since when?" Kaya said, raising an eyebrow as she watched Vega walk off.

She supposed she should have realized. Both Kaidan and Shepard had the same number of stripes on their shoulders, and _of course _Kaidan didn't outrank the Commander. Captain. Yeah, the savior of the damn galaxy was going to be _at least _a captain.

"We just got used to calling her 'The Commander'," Kaidan explained as they headed toward the elevator. "The name stuck, even when the rank became outdated."

* * *

><p>Admiral Hackett's office looked out over the bay. It really was a sight to see. Kaya was surprised her parents, with their love of traveling to beautiful and exotic places, had never taken her here.<p>

"Ah, a rare sunny day in Vancouver," Kaidan said, admiring the view. "Appreciate it while it lasts."

"You were born here, huh?" Kaya asked. She had picked up this habit in medical school, trying to get better at making conversation. Sometimes she just needed to ask questions she already knew the answers to.

"Yeah. I actually own a place on the bay, not too far from here. Maybe if we're on shore leave for a while, I'll throw a party."

A party. The whole idea seemed so absolutely foreign right now. Then again, she had just gorged herself on sushi. Military life was a strange thing. Getting shot at one moment, putting all your energy into pretending you were normal the next.

"Can I expect an invitation, Major?" Hackett's voice came from behind them. He eyed Kaya's attire with a hint of disdain as she turned around, but Hackett kept silent on that front. For the moment.

"I, uh, would you want one, sir?" Kaidan stammered out.

"No, I suppose not," Hackett said with a hint of a laugh. He gestured to the conference table. "Go ahead and sit down. I think we have a lot to talk about. I want to know what the hell happened out there."

"It was a trap, sir," Shepard said as she sat down at the seat right next to the head of the table.

Kaidan sat down across from her while Hackett took the head chair. Kaya apprehensively took a seat next to the Major, feeling woefully out of place. She was made for hospital bedsides, not conference rooms.

Shepard proceeded to explain the series of events, with assistance from Kaidan. Their accounting of the events on the Normandy was necessarily scarce, and Kaya could not bring herself to help fill in the blanks. Reliving everything was painful enough. It was taking all of her energy just to stay seated and quiet, instead of running screaming from the room.

There was a ringing forming in her ears, getting louder and louder, threatening to drag her back to the Normandy's bridge. She had to exit the ship through the cargo bay earlier. Being up there was too painful. She had been surprised by how quickly Joker understood.

"Lieutenant Cole?"

Kaya blinked and realized everyone was staring at her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, trying to regain her composure. "I must have spaced out there for a moment."

She looked down at her hands, where she had been scratching at her cuticles. Drawing blood. She put them back under the table, hoping no one had noticed.

"Can you tell me what happened on the bridge, Lieutenant?" Hackett asked.

Kaya felt Shepard's uneasiness. _Too soon. Too traumatized. This isn't right. She needs a doctor, not an interrogation._

"They snuck up on us," Kaya said quietly. She registered shock in Kaidan and Shepard. Shock at how calm she was. "Joker said they had a stealth drive. He tried to evade them, but they had a cyberwarfare program that cut through our own. Cerberus was able to disable the Normandy and board her."

Just keep talking. Keep it automatic. Mechanical. Military.

"The crew fought back. There was a gunfight in the airlock. I hit my head," Kaya said, reaching up to her bandage. "Have a mild concussion. Anyway, when I came to my senses I … I realized I could feel the crew on the other ship. I … directed one of them, the same way I directed Marcus. I made them shut down the life support system and the cyberwarfare suite. We got away."

Hackett was looking at her with raised eyebrows. He was disturbed, true. But there was also a newfound respect in his gaze. She had kept her calm.

"You saved the Normandy, Lieutenant," Hackett said after a moment.

"So they keep telling me," she whispered.

"We owe you. I suspected as much from your earlier report, Shepard. Which is why I want you three to listen to me very carefully now," Hackett started. Kaya switched into overdrive, her mind getting ahead of his mouth as she tried to determine what had him so worried. "The Alliance got your full report about Marcus, Shepard. And now there's this. With what Kaya can do, well, she's a damned weapon. And they want to keep her planetside.

"Personally, I don't think the people in charge of this particular faction of Project Indigo have her best interests at heart. I don't think they have any of her interests at heart, and I don't think they will treat her much better than Dr. Marcus did."

"What are you saying, Admiral?" Kaidan asked. Kaya could feel him clenching his fists under the table.

"I'm saying you need to get her out of here, now. Keep her on board the Normandy. Officially, she'll have gone rogue somewhere in Vancouver."

"I'm a psychic," Kaya said, understanding. "It wouldn't be hard to say that I realized what your orders were going to be during this meeting, and I ran for it. Wouldn't be the first time I'd slipped under a military radar."

"Exactly. Now go. Get your crew and go, before they decide to inspect the ship. I'll send you coordinates for your next mission."

Everyone stood up at once, springing to action. Kaya held out her hand to the admiral.

"Sir, I know you think I'm an insubordinate little shit. But, thank you."

He nodded, shook her hand, and motioned for her to get moving.

"So much for shore leave," Kaidan said. "Anyway, you're going to have to tell us about this _other _time you went rogue."


	17. Chapter 17: Running

"I was an angry kid," Kaya insisted.

"I knew I liked you," Jack said with a smirk.

They were gathered around the bar in the Normandy's lounge. They had just taken off and were heading toward Noveria, on some mission involving a corporation and Batarian pirates. It was routine, boring even, for this crew. But, it was an excuse to get them out of the Sol system.

"I still can't believe it, though," Kaidan said, shaking his head with a wry smile. "You evaded the damn CIA for two years."

Kaya shrugged. "When you can always hear your enemies coming, running away isn't very difficult. Speaking of which, I'm sorry for not catching those guys on Eden Prime earlier. I was, well, distracted."

"Flirting, Blue. You were flirting," Vega corrected.

"Psh, as if. She was _threatening _me," Joker interrupted.

"I've never had Blue threaten me, but I have to imagine it would be pretty hot," Vega shot back.

"And now I can never do it. Thanks, James," Kaya said.

"Any time."

"Are we really doing this?" Garrus asked. "Hiding a fugitive from the Alliance?"

"I'm hurt, Garrus," Kaya said with a smile. She knew he was secretly pretty damn happy about the whole thing, remembering the first time they stole away with the Normandy a little too fondly.

Shepard spoke. "Hackett's right. We can't let Kaya fall into the wrong hands. And if he thinks some of those hands are wearing Alliance blue, then I trust him. You just keep to the ship. No going planetside, okay?"

"I can handle that. For now, anyway. I can't guarantee I won't eventually start going stir crazy," Kaya admitted.

"We can get her some armor with cloaking abilities," Joker suggested. "Sneak her off on a colony or two. We need another pent up biotic on board like we need another Reaper invasion."

"Maybe," Shepard mused. "Speaking of which, while you're aboard, I think we should do some biotic training. See if we can help you get it under control. You up for that?"

Kaya nodded. "So. It will be like Hogwarts. Except I'll be a fugitive on the run from being court marshaled or worse, embedded in the crew of a star ship that saved the galaxy. Yeah, just like Hogwarts."

"I think my translator just glitched," Garrus said, before realizing that pretty much everyone else was just as confused.

"Harry Potter?" Kaya threw out, looking around at their bemused expressions. "Oh, come on. Okay, _Harry Potter, Firefly, Battlestar Galactica. _I'm finding them on the extranet and making you all watch them."

"Isn't that classic British literature?" Vega said, apparently remembering something. "From, like, the 1900's?"

"Yes. And it's amazing. My grandmother used to read it to my mom, and she read it to me growing up. She was a writer herself, you know, my Nana. _So _disappointed when her daughter went off and became a straight-laced doctor," Kaya said with a smile, pulling up her Omni-tool. "Seriously, I'm making you all read it. Or at least watch the movies. And … there. Forwarded it to everyone. I'll quiz you on it later."

"Kaya," Kaidan laughed, looking at his inbox. "There's a hundred hours of vids there."

"And? I've seen you slackers lounging about," Kaya quipped.

"Hey, these slackers are harboring you," Shepard said.

"Yeah," Kaya said softly, taking her wine in both hands. "Thanks for that."

* * *

><p>"Looks like we'll be spending a lot of time together," Joker said as he sat down on the couch next to her. Everyone else had cleared out. "Two losers, stuck on the ship."<p>

Kaya tried unsuccessfully to smile. That would mean going back on the bridge. She wasn't ready yet.

"What's wrong? Tired me of already?"

She shook her head, realizing that the wine had made it heavy.

"Just tired," she said slowly, not meeting his eyes. "It's been a long day. Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"It's about Shepard. Why is she doing this?" Kaya asked, wringing her hands together. She stared at the scars on her fingers where her nerves had won out. "Some of her crew just died. She's drafting letters to their families right now, up in her cabin. She should be exhausted and just ready to get rid of me. She doesn't know me. I'm not her responsibility. But she's risking everything to save me, right after a terrible day."

"Try to understand how Shepard manages to be so amazing, and you'll always come back grasping at air," Joker said. "This is the woman who brokered peace between the Turians and the Krogan. Between the Quarians and the _Geth. _Destroying the Reapers isn't even the most impressive thing she's done. Run with us long enough, and you'll realize that underestimating her is the wrong answer every time.

"Besides, she's not risking everything. She's a Spectre. They're kind of allowed to do whatever the fuck they want."

"And the rest of you?" Kaya asked, turning to him.

"Obviously, if we get caught, you were using your crazy mind control powers on us," he said with a smile.

"You know, you're not serious, but that is in fact what you should say. Don't put your careers on the line because of me."

"Yeah, maybe. Or we could just not get caught."

"I think that's a good plan," Kaya said. "You know, Jeff Moreau, you're all right. For a military guy. I'm sorry I tried to kill you with a chair."

"Eh. I'm used to it," he said, clinking his glass against hers. "To modern medicine though, right doc?"


	18. Chapter 18: Broken

_You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you._

Kaya jolted awake atop her cot on the observation deck. She had placed it right up against the window. Looking out there at the stars, it kind of felt like flying. She looked up at them now, trying to catch her breath.

Why did she keep reliving Shepard's memories? Why no one else? It had been three weeks since they left Earth, and every night she dreamed a different dream of Shepard's making. Horizon. Eden Prime. Virmire. Saren. The alpha relay. Horror after horror. Victory after victory. Sometimes the two were pretty indistinguishable from each other.

"Jeff, are you awake?"

There was silence on the other line, and Kaya hoped she hadn't woken him. She didn't think he had rack time for a few more hours, but maybe she had overslept. If that was the case, Jack would kill her. They were supposed to have a _lesson._ Joy.

"You're supposed to be asleep," Jeff said on the other end.

"Okay, good. Didn't oversleep. Jack would have thrown me into a bulkhead."

Jeff gave a little snort. "Don't worry, I would have woken you up before that happened."

"Aren't you sweet."

"I try."

Kaya sat up and cracked her back, her neck, her knuckles. She stood up and did some sun salutations, just to stretch out. All this time aboard the Normandy had made her restless. She remembered back to the times where she would hole up for a week at a time in her apartment, studying mercilessly and realizing she should really get roommates. Her comfort with the situation then had made Kaya believe she could handle this version of house arrest.

But she had forgotten that her own mind was once a calm refuge.

"Are you okay?" Jeff said over the comm. "What was it this time?"

"Nothing bad. Nothing that bad, anyway," Kaya corrected herself. "The Citadel. The Catalyst. Admiral Anderson dying. Not necessarily a bad memory. Not by Shepard's standards. Sort of … bittersweet. She did end the war, after all."

_EDI. The Geth. He doesn't know. He can't know. Not my place to say._

"Man, I can't even imagine what it must be like for you. Living through someone else's memories. Living through _Shepard's _memories."

"Personally, I'm more worried about her," Kaya said, stretching into downward dog. The backs of her legs felt particularly stiff. "I'm just getting a fraction of things. I don't know how one person can hold so much pain in their life."

"Yes, you do."

She didn't need to be near him to feel the meaning in his words.

Kaya stood, bringing her hands above her head in a prayer-like gesture. It was time.

"I'm coming up. That okay?"

"Yeah," Jeff said, clearly surprised. "Yeah, okay."

Kaya walked over to the locker they had given her. She had pretty much claimed the observation deck now. She could even lock the door to change. Vega once joked that he would go on a spacewalk past her window one of these days. She thought about closing the blinds. But, hell, if someone got lucky enough to pass by just as she was changing, passing the Normandy at _just _that moment in the huge expanse of space, more power to them.

She pulled a dress from the locker and unfurled it. Liara had bought it for her yesterday, when the crew had stopped off on Ilium. Kaya watched wistfully from her window before Shepard scolded her, telling her to stay out of sight. It was a beautiful city, although Garrus insisted it was just as dangerous a place as Omega.

That, all things considered, seemed particularly hard to believe.

The dress was black, with a fitted bust but a loose, long skirt and straps crossing the back. It was pretty. Beautiful, really. Kaya swore she would pay Liara back, whenever she actually had credits to spend. Being a fugitive meant that Alliance paycheck was out of the question.

She pulled her hair into a bun and decided to go barefoot. Hell, she already stood out on this ship like, well, a psychic human. The crew wasn't really supposed to know who she was, but Kaya could tell the rumor mill aboard the Normandy was strong. And surprisingly accurate.

Jeff let out a low whistle when she sat down in the chair next to him in the cockpit. His reaction brought a tightness to her chest, but the pleasant kind. The kind that banished fears of the bridge and walking past the airlock door.

"You know, I'm second guessing this," Kaya said. "I had forgotten how annoying it is to have everyone checking me out."

"Who was checking you out? Do I need to beat them up?"

Kaya laughed, seeing that her attempt to get a rise out of him had worked.

"Jeff, _you_ were just totally staring at my tits."

"You're the girl who refers to her armor has having 'boob holsters'."

"Because that armor totally has boob holsters!" Kaya said, laughing more. "And that still doesn't excuse you staring at my tits."

"Wait, are you actually annoyed with me?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

He narrowed his eyes at her, then flicked his gaze downward with a roguish smile.

"You're impossible," she laughed. "And I would think you'd be better at hiding your intentions. I mean, with someone like Liara on board."

Jeff blanched before bursting out laughing. "Oh my god, you've totally been checking out Liara. I didn't know you went that way, Kaya."

Kaya shrugged. "I have a certain appreciation for humanoid anatomy, no matter the gender."

"Uh huh."

"Oh my god, stop!" Kaya suddenly yelled, looking for something to throw at him. She settled for ripping off his cap and smacking him in the face with it.

"No fair!" Jeff yelled back, the image of Kaya and Liara _going at it _still playing in his head. "That's cheating!"

She gave an exasperated sigh. "Sometimes this whole psychic thing really blows."

"Phrasing."

"Shit."

Shepard's voice interrupted them curtly, "Kaya, please don't physically abuse my pilot."

"Trust me, Commander, he was asking for it," she said, turning around in her chair.

"Was not."

"Was too."

"You guys are absolutely insufferable," Shepard groaned.

"Oh, yeah, because you and Garrus never get sickeningly affectionate on missions," Liara said, walking up behind them.

Kaya had to burst out loud laughing, leaving Liara and Shepard looking nonplussed. Between trying not to think about Liara naked and trying to explain that they were not, in fact, flirting, Jeff's head was about to explode.

Kaya laughed until her sides hurt as Jeff tried to stutter out a rebuttal. She only stopped when Shepard and Liara had walked away.

"Thanks for the help. Jerk."

Kaya flashed him a toothy smile. "Any time."

"Ugh, now I really can't focus on these calibrations," Jeff groaned. "Want to get something to eat?"

"Sounds good," she said, catching her breath. "Man, I don't think I've laughed that much since … well, in sixty years, if I'm being honest."

"Oh yeah. Hilarious."

But under his sarcasm, she could detect that Jeff was genuinely pleased with himself.

* * *

><p>Things were quieter down in the Mess. Kaya had asked Liara to find some ramen ingredients while on Ilium, never actually expecting her to deliver. But man, did the asari deliver. She promised Jeff one of the best meals of his life and got to work, trying to remember all of the steps she had learned from her Obachan years ago.<p>

"So, what was your mom?" Jeff asked.

"What do you mean?" Kaya said, cracking an egg with one hand.

"Your dad's family was super Japanese. What about your mom's? I don't think you ever said."

"Oh," she said, giving a little laugh. "Yeah, my mom was just … white. She had family in America going back all the way to Jamestown, but some more recent immigrants, too. She used to say she was a mutt. My dad used to say it just meant more cultural oddities for him to get used to."

"Like what?"

"Like, at Christmas, the German part of her family did this thing were they hid a pickle in the Christmas tree. Whoever found it got an extra present," she said, putting the ramen into serving bowls. "The Irish Catholic part had Irish dancing. The Danish part liked some weird food. Stuff like that."

"It sounds like you had a good childhood," he said as she handed him a bowl and a beer.

"For a while there, yeah," she said, clinking bottles with him. "Until my parents split up, when I was ten. And then there was the whole inhaling radioactive smoke and watching everyone die part. That was fun."

An awkward silence feel between them as they started to eat.

_Shit. _

They were saved by one Lieutenant Commander Vega, who stormed in wondering what smelled so good. Kaidan and Liara joined them in time, as well. Kaya noticed that both of them were passing sideways glances at her and Jeff when they thought no one was watching.

Their _relief _was palpable. For five years now, Jeff had been damaged. Broken. Kaidan and Liara were of the impression that Kaya was helping to piece him back together.

It was a laughable concept, really. How could someone as broken as Kaya even begin to help someone else?

* * *

><p>"Seriously, that was really good," Jeff said, settling in on the couch next to her.<p>

Kaya was pulling up the next episode of _Firefly_ on the television across from them using her Omni-tool.

"I know," she said with a small smirk. "I've still got it."

"I didn't know you could cook."

"I love to. We just haven't had any actual ingredients in the fridge until now."

"You just keep getting better and better."

Kaya laughed and rolled her eyes as the episode started playing. "Shut up and watch the vid, Moreau."

They stayed still, watching intently. Jeff had given up on _Battlestar Galactica_. Too many plot holes that an _actual _space frigate pilot could point out. Plus there was the whole storyline about murderous sentient AI that seemed to put his teeth on edge. That had been a bad call.

But they found common ground with _Firefly. _She supposed it was more of a Western than a science fiction story, and that made it work.

"Space cowboys with swords," he laughed at the end of it. "This show just keeps getting better and better."

"Told you," she said, turning off the television. Kaya hesitated for a moment, before finally deciding it was time to say something. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

She turned toward him, curling her legs up underneath her skirt. She was never very good at this. Her bare foot tapped anxiously against the couch, and found her palms growing sweaty.

"What's going on between us?" she finally asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously.

"I mean, all of the flirting. Don't interrupt me, it's flirting. Is it like … Vega flirting? Or is it serious?"

"You're the psychic. You tell me."

"No," she said calmly, holding onto her foot to keep it from tapping. Her fingers wove between her abnormally long toes. "I have a rule when it comes to relationships. Any kind of relationships. I go based on what people say and what people do. What people think is a whole other ball game, unless they're doing something shady."

"Yeah, but that can't actually work," Jeff retorted. "You still always know what people are thinking."

"People think a lot of things. Some things they don't really even believe. Some things they do, but they would never actually act on them for one reason or another," she insisted. "No, that's not a road I go down."

He studied her carefully, and – he was right – she could not help hearing his line of thought.

_First an all-knowing AI. Then a psychic who won't actually use her powers to just kiss me already or something. What the hell is wrong with me?_

Kaya couldn't help it. Her eyebrows shot up. Sure, Jeff had thought about the two of them having sex. But Kaya was used to that. Almost everyone she had ever met had thought about her naked at one point, even if only briefly. It was human nature. Asari nature, too, apparently.

This was different, though. This was softer, not instinctive or sexual. He wanted to kiss her because of what it would mean, not how it would feel.

So she broke her one rule.

He reeled backward a little at first, clearly surprised that Kaya had actually taken him up on it. She wondered for a moment if she had made a mistake. Maybe he didn't _actually _want this. People really did think things off hand. What if she had misread? What if she had totally screwed up a good friendship?

And then he started kissing her back. She pushed off his cap and ran her fingers through his hair. He put his hands around her waist.

It had been years, even without counting her cryostasis, since she had kissed anyone. Kaya had forgotten how good it felt.


	19. Chapter 19: Lessons

"Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me. Get up, Cole. Meet me down in the cargo bay in five. We've got work to do."

Kaya opened her eyes just in time to see Jack storming out. She tried to remember for a moment where she was, and then she heard a heartbeat underneath her.

"At least she didn't throw you against a bulkhead," Jeff murmured. "Or throw me against one, for that matter."

"We fell asleep talking," Kaya muttered. "Damn."

"We did more than talk."

Kaya got up on her elbows, stretching out on the sofa with a smile. She gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Yes, yes we did. And now the whole ship knows," she groaned. "I had better get down there."

"You should probably change first. Can't say I want you flashing Vega when Jack throws you across the room."

"Fair point," Kaya said, getting up. "No peeking. I'll know."

When she made it down to the cargo bay, feeling extra groggy from her weird sleep patterns of late, Jack was talking to Vega.

"And then I walk in to find the two of them in a bit of post-coital stupor. Seriously, is everyone on this ship getting laid except me?"

"It was _not _post-coital," Kaya said sharply. "Also, you two haven't banged yet? Really? I feel like that would work."

Jack sent a glare in Kaya's direction that certainly did not bode well. She was going to pay for that quip. Sure enough, an hour later, Kaya was falling to the floor with a groan as a singularity gave out.

"Son of a bitch. I thought I had it that time."

"Stop trying to force it. It's about proper muscle movements, not sheer force of will. Let the amp do the work."

"We don't even know what the proper muscle movements _are _yet, Jack," Kaya complained as Jack helped her up. "We went through all of the standard ones. Whatever I am, I'm clearly not a normal biotic."

"Well, yeah, no shit. That's why we're doing this."

"But is the throwing me repeatedly into the air really necessary?"

"You need motivation. And you shouldn't have made that joke about me and Muscles over there. Come on, Kaya, I'm going easy on you, here."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?" Kaya sighed, grabbing at her shoulder where she had landed on it funny. "By the way, that wasn't really a joke. You both have healthy attitudes toward casual sex. Just saying."

"Cole–"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Hit me."

Jack thrust her hand forward as Kaya tried to set up a barrier. This time, though, there was no flying toward the cargo hold ceiling. Kaya held her arms out in front of her, and a bubble of blue energy had formed around her. The singularity bounced off and disintegrated. Kaya could feel the force of it for a moment, pressing in like a particularly loud thought. It made a strange noise against the barrier. Then it was gone, and her blue light was still holding.

Kaya laughed in surprise, putting down her hands and the barrier. "Holy shit!"

"Not bad," Jack said with a raised eyebrow. "Now, again!"

This time, Kaya wasn't fast enough. She felt her self rocketing up toward the ceiling again.

"Damn it, Jack! I wasn't ready!" Kaya called out, floating uncomfortably as she tried to position herself for the fall.

"Your enemies aren't going to wait for you to be ready, Cole." Kaya fell to the floor with a thud. "Your last barrier was actually pretty good. I'm just trying to keep pushing you."

"And I appreciate that. I think. Let me just try to get up a barrier again," Kaya said, standing up. "Without the threat of sudden levitation."

She thrust her hands out in front of her again, trying not to force it. Trying to just let the amp do the work.

_It's just like reading. It's just a part of you. A part of your very being. An extension of your nervous system. Deep breath._

She opened her eyes and was pleasantly surprised to see a shimmer of blue light around her. Jack was throwing various objects from Vega's desk at her, but they bounced lightly off the barrier.

"Okay, Cole. I think you've earned a break for today."

Kaya sighed and put down the barrier. "Good. Hey, Jack, can I ask you something?"

"Maybe. Depends on what it is."

"You always call me Cole during lessons. Is that a military thing?"

"Kind of. At the Academy, I always call my students by their surnames."

"You miss it," Kaya said, realizing too late that she probably should not have vocalized that little observance. "I'm sorry. It's my fault you're even here."

"I could have Shepard drop me back off any time I wanted," Jack said. "Technically speaking, you've gone rogue, remember?"

"Then why–"

"Because you need my help. Who's gonna train you? Alenko? T'Soni? _Shepard?_" Jack laughed at the thought. "Alenko could maybe do a decent job. I'll give him that. But the last thing I need is for you to be compromised. Those bastards realize what they've got here, and they'll go through hell to take my kids. Turn them into you. Hell no. Not going to happen. I'm not taking any chances."

"Wow," Kaya said, adjusting her increasingly sore shoulder. "That was almost sweet, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't feel too warm and fuzzy, because I'm turning you over to Vega for combat training."

"Wait, what?"

"Have fun!" Jack called out over her shoulder as she turned to leave.

"Shepard's orders, Blue," James said, appearing from behind her. For someone so damn _huge, _he could be kind of stealthy. "You need to be able to protect yourself. I'll handle hand-to-hand combat. Scars is going to teach you to shoot."

"I don't need combat training, James. I _was _in the CIA, remember?"

"Oh?" Vega said with a raised eyebrow. "Come at me then."

"You? James, look at me. I would need like four of me to _maybe _reach your weight class."

"I'm not gonna hurt you, Blue. I just wanna see what you're made of."

* * *

><p>Kaya collapsed on the couch in her room with a quiet "ow." Jeff was still asleep beside her. She had expected him to move to the crew quarters instead of risking being caught here, but his presence was a pleasant surprise.<p>

Everything hurt. On the plus side, her sparring lessons had actually helped with her biotic lessons. Maybe that had been the plan all along. Vega had ignored her requests to stop, to let her take a breath. A sip of water. She had thought he was such a teddy bear. Ha. The N7 designation was making _a lot _more sense now.

But, Kaya figured James would be a lot more careful around her now, too, given that she had thrown him into the side of the Kodiak.

"Hey, Kaya," Shepard's voice came over the comm. "Please stop using your biotics to injure my crew. I kind of need them."

Kaya laughed a little, but that hurt. She seemed to have bruised a rib. "I can't believe it. That little nark."

"He told me you did well."

"Well, that's sweet of him. He's lying through his teeth, though, Commander. Hand-to-hand combat was never my specialty. I can shoot okay, although I'm sure Garrus will disagree when we begin those particular lessons," Kaya said. She noticed Jeff stirring on the couch and lowered her voice. "My handlers were always well aware that I wasn't physically fit to be an agent or a soldier. They wanted me for my power, and they were willing to overlook my flaws when time started running short."

"Well, I appreciate the honesty. Also, tell Joker I want to talk to him when he wakes up."

Kaya let out a strangled noise, somewhere between a squeak and a cough, that caused Shepard to laugh.


	20. Chapter 20: Rannoch

Shepard had gathered everyone in the conference room. They stood around the table, and it struck Kaya as strange to see a conference table without chairs. She had been on the Normandy for almost a month now, but the ship's various eccentricities were just starting to become apparent.

The crew's were a little more readily visible. But, together, there was a certain amount of sense to them. They reminded her of damn comic book characters, all tragic back stories and super powers. Quirky, dark senses of humor and questionable choices in outfits. It made sense, in a storybook kind of way, that such a group had saved the galaxy.

Kaya smiled a little, looking down at the various bruises on her arms where James had gotten in a good hit or Jack had struck her with a blast after her barrier was down. Kaya doubted she would ever stop feeling like an outsider, but she was starting to feel like her dossier fell in line with the rest. Special powers. Time spent in cryostasis. A dark past. A fugitive future. It fit in pretty well on the Normandy.

"Right. We have a lead on Dr. Marcus's people," Shepard started. Any chatter that had been occurring around the table ceased immediately. "Hackett just forwarded me some intel."

_Fucking finally._

"We have reason to believe an old contact of Marcus's is on Rannoch," Shepard said, studying the reactions of her crew mates.

The name was a little familiar, but only just a little. The Quarian home world. What on earth would anyone connected to her being doing there?

"Hey, we get to see Tali again," Jeff said with a smile in his voice over the comm.

"That's the plan," Shepard said. "I'll call her a minute."

"Rannoch?" Kaidan said, pacing just a bit beside the table. "What kind of contact are we dealing with here?"

"A Quarian one," Shepard said. "A scientist who worked on some Council project with Marcus back during his pilgrimage. Apparently the two of them exchanged messages before, well, before Omega."

"I'll see what else I can find out," Liara said. "If you want. I'm not sure how this one slipped the my net."

Shepard nodded, giving Liara a soft look that said _it's fine._ "Let's try not to walk blind into this one. "

"Commander," Kaya said slowly, shifting her weight onto her other foot. "Any chance I could go planetside for this one?"

"Sorry, Kaya, it's just too risky."

"It's _always _too risky." She was aware of how whiny she sounded, like a teenager being grounded. She didn't care.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at that, and Kaya saw Garrus flick his mandible plates in amusement. She was starting to pick up on Turian body language, a skill doubtless aided by the fact that she already _knew _what he was feeling anyway.

"I'm serious, Commander," Kaya insisted, straightening a bit. "I'm going frickin' insane here."

"No," Shepard said, her tone quite final. "For all we know, this little dash of intel is a trap."

"Makes sense," Garrus murmured. "First intel drop we get in a month. Draw us to a planet where you feel comfortable. Where we have friends. Or a friend, anyway. Sounds like something Cerberus would do."

"Exactly," Shepard said. "And we haven't ruled them out yet."

Kaya closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Fine," she sighed.

"Everyone else, be ready. Once I talk to Tali and get more information from Liara, we'll put a plan in place. Joker, chart a course for Rannoch."

Kaya made her way to the front of the ship, resisting the temptation to mutter about the injustice of it all. Then again, maybe if she started acting as crazy as she felt, the Commander would let her off the damn ship.

"We could sneak off," Joker offered as she took a seat next to him. "We haven't actually tried that cloaking trick, yet."

"The Commander's right," Kaya groaned, hating to admit it. "If there was ever a mission where I should stay on the ship, it's this one."

"Unless this ends up being like the last Cerberus trap," Jeff said.

Kaya looked, instinctively, back to the airlock. She felt Jeff's pang of regret at having mentioned it.

"Well, then," she said with a small, sad smile, "I'll just have to be up here to save your ass again."

* * *

><p>When they had docked on Rannoch, Kaya found herself standing on the copilot's chair to look outside. There was a tense aching in her chest. It wasn't just from seeing an actual landscape. Kaya suspected that her last sparring lesson with James added to the sensation. She should probably go talk with Dr. Chakwas.<p>

But her longing was more than just cabin fever. Rannoch looked like home, right down to the vegetation. The rock formations. The desert sand. She _almost _could have mistaken it for the Mojave, where she had lived for a few years as a young child.

_Those were good years. Before._

Kaya hadn't been expecting the similarity, and it hit pretty hard. Jeff noticed her pained expression. He even noted the longing way she was standing on her bare tip-toes, pressing her forehead against the glass. But he mistook it for boredom, pent up energy longing to let loose on the wide open plains.

Shepard stopped off in the cockpit before heading out, saying only "We'll be back soon."

Underneath her words was a warning. _"Leave this ship, and I will never forgive you."_

"So, that was kind of scary," Jeff whispered when she had gone.

Kaya laughed quietly, stopping only because it hurt. Definitely a bruised rib.

The crew had learned little about this contact since yesterday's meeting. This contact they were meeting with was called Nin'Toak Vas Neema. Vas Rannoch, now. He was originally from the same ship as their friend Tali'Zorah, who Kaya had found herself asking a lot of questions about.

Garrus said that Kaya reminded him a little of Tali.

_"Smart, sarcastic, and quiet. Too quiet, usually. Better with a shotgun than one would expect. And I feel like you're always plotting something mildly devious," the turian had said. "Both a little awkward, too."_

_"With the same complete inability to hold your liquor," Jack had added with a smile. Kaya resisted the urge to stick out her tongue. That was _one _time. "Remember that party at Anderson's apartment?"_

_"You should have seen her after we hit Sanctuary," Garrus offered up with a smile, causing Kaya to flinch. He pretended not to notice. She appreciated that._

_"I always thought of Kaya as more of a mini-Shepard," James had added, _after _the Commander was out of earshot. "A moody pain-in-the-ass with a heart of gold."_

_Kaya found herself bemused by the fact that he was not entirely joking._

"Do we know anything about this top secret project Nin'Toak worked on?" Kaya found herself asking.

Jeff raised an eyebrow at her, as if to say, _"You already asked me that. Like, three times."_

"I'm restless, okay?" she said, glaring at him and sitting back down.

* * *

><p>It was <em>hours <em>later that they heard anything substantial from the Commander. And of course it wasn't good news. That wasn't the sort of luck one had aboard the Normandy until your back was really against the wall and the galaxy was about to end.

Kaya and Jeff were downstairs in the Mess. She had tried to make fried chicken, all the while explaining that her mother was from Atlanta and fried food was pretty much a religion there. But it had ended up pretty horrible. Jeff kept assuring her that it wasn't, and he actually meant it. The other members of the crew that she was starting to get to know – Daniels and Donnelly, she thought they were called – also seemed to genuinely enjoy it.

But, it wasn't her mother's fried chicken.

"Right away, Commander," Joker said across the table, shooting Kaya a look as he listened to his comm.

She followed him to the elevator as he asked whether Kaya could be patched in. Kaya could sense the slight hesitation on the other end, but then a voice was coming through.

"Little boshtet," a woman with a high-pitched voice said angrily. "Keelah, even _I _can't break through this encryption."

"What's going on there, Tali?" Joker asked with a smile.

"Joker? Ah, it's good to hear from you."

"Reunions later," Shepard said. "Right now our source has just locked himself in a cell. I need you to find some schematics of the building we're in, Joker. See if you can find another way in."

"Roger that, Commander," he said as they made their way to the front of the Normandy.

In front of the console, Jeff was almost as deft as when was flying the ship. Kaya looked on as he located a floor plan in a tenth of the time it would have taken her. Back in her day, Kaya had been pretty tech savvy. Savvy enough, anyhow. That had all gone out the window.

There was an unspoken tension in Jeff's shoulders, though, as he searched. _EDI should be doing this. _Kaya found herself wondering if Jeff was aware of her intrusion. He never gave any indication in his thoughts. He never talked about her out loud. It was as if these little doubts and sorrows had just become a part of him, never second guessed or really even reflected on.

Jeff took in a sharp, nervous breath. "Sorry, Commander. The vent's too small for anyone to crawl through. And that room is tiny. Any attempts to blast it will probably kill him."

"Crap. Any ideas?" the Commander asked.

"Commander," Kaya said carefully, as Jeff shot her a curious look, "I might have one. You won't like it though."

* * *

><p>As Kaya arrived at the locked door, still cloaked, she could see the glaring disapproval in Shepard's eyes. Kaya felt Kaidan and James – her escorts here –share a look behind her.<p>

But, it was hard to feel admonished with solid ground beneath her feet. As she removed the cloak, Kaya was a little bouncy. The air smelled so good. She had forgotten how the air on an actual planet had a smell. Humidity. Flavor. On Rannoch, it was sweet and dry. Maybe just a little metallic.

She was smiling cheerfully, refusing to let Shepard's unease knock her down, when she approached the door and felt the wind knocked out of her.

"What the hell did you do to him?" she hissed. She did not mean for her tone to sound so accusatory, but there were waves of emotion coming from the other side of that door.

_Fear. Loathing. Self-loathing. Anger. Pity._

"He was fine," Shepard said, her voice terse. "Then we asked about Marcus, and he freaked out. Ran in there."

"Why?" Kaidan asked, moving to stand next to Kaya.

His voice was much softer than Shepard's. As the weeks waned on, Kaya had found herself appreciating that more and more. Kaidan had just as much fire in his heart as the rest of them, but his demeanor was much more reserved. He felt much more like a real person to her. Less like an overwritten action hero.

"His thoughts are racing too fast for me to pick up anything solid, but he's scared. Not of you, though," she said, closing her eyes and placing a palm to the door. "Not as much, anyway. He's scared of the past. Whatever happened with Marcus left some serious scars."

She knew this feeling well. Post-traumatic stress. He was having an episode, but the images were flashing by too fast to read. She caught a few, none of them good.

_Husks. _

"These experiments that our contact and Marcus worked on together," Kaya said in a low voice. "When did they happen?"

"Around the time of the first contact war," Liara supplied. "Why?"

"That can't be right then," Kaya murmured.

But it _felt _right. She was sure of it. Those images were from twenty years ago.

"The first husks," Kaya started again, her voice still low. _Sensitive territory, here. _"That was Eden Prime, right? No one had ever seen them before that?"

Kaidan was eyeing her warily as no one spoke.

"I think we were right about Cerberus being involved. I think I understand how they knew about Indigo. _Why_ they knew," Kaya said. She then started to throw her voice beyond the door. "Mr. Toak?" Kaya glanced back at Tali, without a clue as to whether or not that was the proper syntax. "My name is Kaya Cole. I know what happened after the war. I want to help make it right."

There was no response, no real mental acknowledgement of her words on the other side of the door. Well, there was one more thing worth a shot.

_Nin'Toak? My name is Kaya. You can … you can hear what I can do. Please, we just need your help. Someone is trying to hurt me. Trying to hurt others like me. I think you know who, and I think you can help stop them._

Kaya opened her eyes, still looking back at the angry red glare of the locked door.

"Are you okay?" Kaidan asked softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Kaya nodded, about to explain what happened when the signal on the door turned green. As it opened, Kaya saw the quarian on the other side wore a dark green suit, his facial shield of his helmet almost black. He carried himself very carefully, as if he was much older than a pilgrimage twenty years ago would suggest.

Kaya understood. That kind of mental trauma wore on you. She could already feel it, only a month after this had all started. The hair at her temples was starting to go grey, and a permanent wrinkle was forming between her brows. At least people might stop thinking she was a child.

"I will help you, Kaya Cole Vas Normandy," he said slowly, the blue light at his filter blinking with every word. "I will help set this right."

* * *

><p>They regrouped at Tali's house. It was huge. Ten bedrooms. <em>Ten. <em>Apparently when the Quarians regained their homeworld, they did it with style. All of the space made Kaya's whole body ache, knowing she would have to head back to the Normandy soon enough.

Tali and Liara poured everyone some wine as they settled in. Sitting on a dark wooden bench, Kaya wove her fingers into Jeff's – he had come from the ship once it appeared that Rannoch was not, in fact, a trap – and she was not surprised to feel a sense of relief from Tali.

Kaya was getting used to that feeling from Jeff's friends. He had been mourning for far too long. Of course, she alone was aware of just how much he still mourned.

Nin stood quietly in the corner. He had asked to be left alone to compose himself. When Kaya assured Shepard that he posed no threat, she reluctantly agreed. His thoughts were still racing, but that had slowed some. The fear had ebbed, replaced by a sense of determination. A need for justice. Retribution.

He might be kind of crazy, but Kaya felt she and Nin'Toak were going to get along just fine.

"It's really beautiful, Tali," Kaidan said, taking a glass from her. "I'm glad we got to finally see the finished product."

"You should stay the night. If you all want to, I mean," Tali said quickly. Kaya found her nervous, schoolgirl-ish attitude at odds with all the stories. "Get off the ship for a bit."

"Shepard, don't make me beg," Kaya groaned.

"Kaya's been stuck shipside," Jeff explained. "Too much of a security risk to let her past the airlock."

"Quite right," Nin interjected suddenly. "In the wrong hands … the implications are frightening."

"That's what I keep trying to tell her–"

"Stop," Kaya interrupted Shepard, a little too harshly. She had felt herself unraveling again the past couple of days, thanks to some particularly bad nightmares. "I'm the one who got strapped to a fucking chair and tortured, okay? I'm the one who made a whole ship commit suicide. I know the risks."

When the stunned, concerned silence her comment left in its wake became too overbearing, Kaya stood up and walked out on to the patio. Jeff was not close behind, but he kept his distance as she tried to regain control of her breathing.

Last night had been a particularly bad night. They were getting worse, although Jeff would never actually say that out loud. Kaya was afraid of asking Karin for more sedatives. Doctor-patient confidentiality didn't apply the same way on a military ship.

_She was on Mindoir. A scared sixteen-year-old ran through the woods, spattered with blood that wasn't her own. Tears ran black down her face. She tripped, fell, got up, kept running with a sprained ankle._

_There were worse things than dying._

_Then she was at the docks outside the Normandy. The old ones, before Sovereign attacked. A scared girl with a gun was yelling at her to stay back. Shepard stepped carefully toward her, and she pulled the trigger against her own temple._

_Kaya woke screaming and crying. She was amazed she didn't wake the whole deck. Instead, there was only Jeff. He hugged her tightly and stroked her hair, murmuring that it was just a nightmare while the tension in his arms and torso gave away his worry._

_But it wasn't just a nightmare. It had happened. And it felt so real to her now._

_"You really need to tell Shepard about this," he had said in the morning. "I remember … that girl. The slave from Mindoir. I was on the Normandy when it happened. Shepard was ... it was bad."_

_But it wasn't just Shepard's memories that Kaya was reliving anymore, even though there were apparently new horrors left to be uncovered. There were Jeff's memories of monsters aboard the Normandy. Kaiden's of his time on Jump Zero. Liara's recollections of her mother dying, of retrieving the broken body of her best friend._

_So much pain. Too much pain for one ship._

Kaya didn't even realize Jeff had taken hold of her shoulders until he started shaking her. She swatted his hands away and realized she had been crying. This, too, was happening more and more. She would slip into a memory and lose complete touch with reality, even during her waking hours. Even though these visions were seldom as vivid as her nightmares, they were somehow more unsettling.

Kaya could feel Jeff's worry. Fear. Even his anger at having been batted away again. She took a deep breath and grabbed his hand in hers, looking out at the valley under an Rannoch sunset.

"Keelah Se'lai," she whispered, so softly he might not have even heard. "Let's get this over with."


	21. Chapter 21: Temple

Kaya walked back into the room, still holding Jeff's hand. All eyes were on her expectantly, but she turned to Nin'Toak instead.

"Do you think you're ready to tell us about Marcus? About Project Indigo?" Kaya asked softly.

He nodded, and explained.

"If there's one thing the Turians have kept exceptionally well hidden, it's their own long history with Reaper tech."

Kaya watched Garrus tense up as Nin'Toak described the Temple Palaven. Desolas and Saren. The turian husks called forward by an ancient Reaper artifact at the end of the First Contact War. The Council's continuing research into the incident. The Illusive Man's involvement. Dr. Marcus's power-hungry insistence on results.

They found something that could control people, make them act against their best interests. And they pursued it ruthlessly. Hell, it was the _bloody Illusive Man _who had pushed back, who had seen the evil inherent in the scheme. He even shut down a Cerberus cell that went rogue trying to work with Council-funded scientists on it years later.

The images in Nin'Toak's head brought back Sanctuary. Collectors. Shepard's own memories of finding Kaya on Omega. She still had not told Jeff about that particular nightmare yet.

Someone uncovered data about Project Indigo, long defunct, in the early days of the project. It told them it was possible for a humanoids to possess such power. To touch the mind of another being from across a room. If that was possible, what else could be achieved? What kind of armies could be raised?

Nin'Toak had followed his mentor, focused on strategies for gathering intelligence or coordinating Fleet movements. He had not seen the worst of the experiments until it was too late. He set a bomb in the center of the lab. Turned the whole damn place into a crater. Somehow, though, Marcus had still survived. Escaped.

"I heard he killed himself on Omega," Nin'Toak said quietly, turning to Kaya with a knowing look. "Thank you."

The silence that filled the room felt so empty, despite all of the minds turning. Kaya felt uneasy at the realization that this had been the plan all along. Use her as a weapon, to control a damned army. Or force an assassination that looked like a perfect suicide. She visibly shuttered at the thought of what would have happened if Shepard and the crew had not rescued her.

Jeff was squeezing her hand so much it hurt, but she did not let go.

"Jack, Marcus went to join the Illusive Man and work on your … project some time later. And now, as far as Nin'Toak knows, he's working with some rogue Cerberus scientists and soldiers. There's a whole other cell out there," Kaya said, picking out the pieces Nin'Toak didn't realize were important.

"Marcus was too extreme, even for Cerberus, when the Illusive Man was in charge," Nin'Toak confirmed, in awe of Kaya's abilities. His academic interest, given his past history, was more than a little uncomfortable. "I'm not sure if Marcus was pulling the strings or not, but _someone _is still out there. I have been trying to locate them with little success. But they will go through hell – even the Normandy – to get to you."

"I'd like to see them try," Vega practically growled.

Kaya gave him a little nod. Sure, he had beaten the crap out of her the day before, but it was in a very brotherly way.

"I wish I could provide you more information," Nin'Toak finished. "I would very much like to see this put to rest."

Shepard glanced at Kaya, who nodded to confirm that the quarian was being honest.

"You still managed to fill in some blanks for us. Thank you," Shepard said. "It's more than we had this morning."

* * *

><p>The Normandy crew never ceased to amaze Kaya. After Nin'Toak left, they had proceeded to have what could only be described as a party. Kaidan and Vega doubled back for some levo rations and more alcohol. Tali put on some music unlike anything Kaya had ever heard before. It wasn't <em>bad<em> per se. Just jarring.

"You have one goal tonight," Jeff whispered in Kaya's ear at the start. "Get Shepard drunk enough to dance. Trust me."

That turned out to be far more easy than Jeff made it sound. Then again, Garrus had also put on a _tango _of all things. He grabbed Shepard from the kitchen, and, despite her numerous protests, the two of them proceeded to be quite graceful.

Kaya had to laugh at the shock of everyone in the room. The Shepard-Vakarians hadn't even danced like this at their wedding. It was hardly the dancing Jeff had expected Kaya to see, but it was just as amusing.

"Get a room!" Jack called out, causing Shepard to blush even as she flipped the tattooed biotic off. That was new.

Liara had pulled Jeff away to dance, despite all of his protests about shattering a hip. He shot Kaya a reproachful look as she watched from a safe distance, drink in hand.

"I think they really needed this," a slightly synthetic-sounding voice rang next to her, and Kaya turned to look at Tali with a smile and a nod.

"They'd never admit it," Kaya said with a small, sad smile. "But, yeah. Thanks for having us over. And thanks for your help finding Nin'Toak. You know, they were all really excited when they found out we would be coming here. To Rannoch. They miss you."

Tali's expression was unreadable under her helmet, but Kaya detected concern.

"Not, like, a bad missing you," Kaya quickly amended. "They understand why you're here. Accept it. Love that you have a home again. Just miss you. There are a lot of empty spaces on the Normandy."

"Thank you, Kaya," Tali said, taking a sip of her drink through a straw.

_Emergency induction port. The memory was pretty hazy, but Kaya had a feeling she should ask Shepard about it later._

"Kaya," Tali started again after watching the dancing for a moment. She shifted her weight to the other foot, twirling her glass in her hand. Kaya thought about stopping her. She already knew what was going to be said. But, that went against the rules.

"Kaya, I'm happy to see Joker and you together. He needs a little happiness. Deserves it. He's a good friend." She turned to face Kaya, and there was a sudden hint of abrasion. "And if you do something to hurt him, remember that I have a shotgun."

Kaya doubted she masked her surprise very well, but she swallowed and nodded. Apparently she had yet to become proficient in picking up on quarian neural signals.

"If I hurt him, I suspect you'd have to get in line."

* * *

><p>"A real bed," Kaya sighed, collapsing face-first onto the fluffy white blanket. "Oh my god. Do you think we can steal this? Put it on the observation deck?"<p>

"I think Tali might be kind of pissed," Jeff laughed.

"If she's coming with us, it's not like she's going to miss it," Kaya said.

"Who said she was coming with us?"

"Oh, uh, probably no one," Kaya started with a nervous laugh. "But, if you were a betting man …"

"I'd be filthy rich, what with the psychic girlfriend and all."

"Girlfriend?" She raised an eyebrow at him. They had not actually said girlfriend or boyfriend out loud before.

She remembered the last time someone had called her his girlfriend. It sounded off. Kaya remembered thinking right then that it was never going to work. But he was smart. Funny. A doctor. Sexy as hell. Hopelessly in love with her far too early in the relationship.

And not for her. Nobody ever was. Kaya had started to accept that she was just broken. Hell, maybe she was asexual.

And then Joker Moreau came along, the one benefit to all of the shit that had happened to land her in 2191.

"Am I reading this wrong?" he asked, sitting down on the bed next to her. Kaya realized she had tuned out again.

"No," she said with a mischevious grin, taking off his cap. "Not wrong as all. In fact, if that's your opinion on the situation, maybe we could make good use of this bed tonight."

"In Tali's house?"

"We wouldn't be the only ones," Kaya mused.

_Reach and flexibility._

Jeff had been starting to blush before, but now all of the color left his cheeks.

"Wait, you can _hear _them?"

"See them. Feel them. I try not to think about it," Kaya groaned. "I kind of feel bad for Tali, though."

"Why, because of the massive amount of laundry she'll have when she gets back?"

"No, because she's the only one spending the night alone," Kaya said quietly.

She laughed then at the look on Jeff's face when he put two and two together on Jack and Vega. In fact, she dissolved into a fit of giggles as he tried to wrap his mind around _that _one.

Jeff laid down next to her, and Kaya noted, "Don't feel too bad for Tali, though. She does have a boyfriend."

"Wait, seriously? Where is he?"

"Jeff, if your best friends were the crew of the fucking Normandy, would you want to spring them all on your significant other in one go?"

"Fair point," he admitted. Kaya could feel him still trying to wrap his head around the fact that she was overly familiar with every sexual encounter than happened on the Normandy.

"I try to ignore them," she explained. "Not always easy, though. Especially with two interspecies relationships happening a few steps away. I mean, from a purely scientific perspective–"

"Oh my god, you total pervert!" Jeff laughed.

"Oh, like you wouldn't do the same damn thing."

"Actually, no. I wouldn't. Because I'm not gross."

She snorted. "Debatable. … But yeah, you're right. It's messed up. It's just a part of how I experience the world, though. Just another part of people's lives I _shouldn't _be privy to, but I am anyway." Her expression went blank for a moment, and she murmured softly, "Well, that's an interesting use of biotics."

Jeff sat up, laughing in earnest. However, Kaya could also feel his genuine perturbment.

"Stop!" he pleaded. "This is just weird."

"Then distract me, Jeff Moreau," she said with a smile. _Pretty proud of yourself about that one, aren't you? _"Mmhmm."

He kissed her, and she smiled under the pressure of his lips.

Kaya had never particularly liked this part. The flirting. The sex. It had all just felt like a game she was supposed to play, when she preferred the quiet moments. The sitting on a couch together playing video games. Studying together, hands locked, not saying a word. She had wondered if it meant something horrible about her. Was she just so selfish that all she wanted was another presence in the room, no matter who it was?

_No. It just happened to matter a lot._

This time was different. The flirting was fun. And the sex, well, Kaya supposed she was about to find out about the sex.


	22. Chapter 22: Targets

"Just exhale as you pull the trigger, and don't move. Brace yourself for the recoil, but no so tensely," Garrus said in a low, almost inaudible voice. "The rifle's an extension of you. Stop fighting it."

She tried to relax and pulled the trigger. The sniper rifle slammed painfully into her shoulder, causing Kaya to bite down on her lip and draw blood. She missed.

"Damn it, Garrus," she growled. "I can't make that shot. I'm not good enough yet."

"Yes, you are," he said in a rough voice. _Broken glass, Shepard often thought. The nice kind, colorful and about to be turned into something whole by a hot fire._ "You are good enough. Just stop doubting it."

_Damn. Vega warned me about this, but damn._

Kaya clenched her teeth, wishing she had not heard that. It would be nice if her fellow crew mates stopped talking behind her back.

_I didn't even know humans could make a noise like that._

"Can we just switch to something else? Just for a little while? I was doing okay with the pistol," Kaya pleaded.

Garrus shook his head and pointed toward the bottles with a talon. "In close range, you don't need a pistol. I've seen you in action. Long range, though, you couldn't hit a krogan."

She growled again and started lining up the shot, nesting the rifle into her shoulder. Damn him.

_"She'll complain," Vega said. "She'll complain all damn day. I've never heard anybody whine so much. But she also won't back down from a challenge. So that's how you get her."_

Missed. Again.

"One of these days, Vakarian, I'm going to find something you're not very good at. And then I'm going to get payback," Kaya said, setting down the rifle for a moment to crack her knuckles in frustration. "We've been down here for _hours._"

"I still stand by my old quota," Garrus said quietly next to her. "Hit five in a row, and we'll call it a day."

"Hard ass son of a bitch," she muttered under her breath.

"Is that any way to talk to a Spectre, Lieutenant?"

"If you, Kaidan, and Shepard are any indication, yes," Kaya shot back, a smile twitching at one corner of her lips. It was quickly gone as she started lining up again, clenching her jaw in resolve. "Not even really a damn soldier. Fucking assholes."

"I think you've been spending too much time with Jack," Garrus mused. "Maybe Joker should reinstate the swear jar."

Exhale. Stay still. Pull the trigger. Pain. Missed. Again.

_You still have forty more._

_"Not now Otosan," _Kaya thought sadly. The memory came back vividly anyway, somehow even more stubbornly set against her wishes to forget.

_"Forty. Go."_

_Kaya felt the softball against her palm, slightly wet from the dew on the grass. She lined up the laces under her fingers, feeling like her hands were too small. Whoever had decided girls should play with the bigger balls didn't have her vote. She brought her hands together, the left one gloved, at her chest and rocked backward. Then she was all muscle memory, bringing her arm into a windmill pitch and releasing it into the net. Bullseye._

_"Thirty nine. Don't give up now. The Sato's aren't quitters."_

_"I'm not a Sato, remember?"_

_"Japanese," he reminded her._

_"Dad," she whined, but she stopped at the look he was giving her._

Ironically enough, present-day Kaya couldn't remember how to say remember.

_She wound up another pitch and found the target.__ "Thirty eight."_

"Seriously," Kaya said, lining up another shot in the Normandy's cargo bay, "I am going to make you pay for this. I'm just trying to think of what I can teach you."

_Stop overthinking it, Kaya-chan. Your body can do it. You just have to trust yourself._

The sound of a bottle breaking snapped her awake. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Garrus's mandibles flick in approval.

"See? Stop doubting yourself, and you _can _make that shot."

* * *

><p>It had still been another hour before Kaya made the fifth shot in a row. But, against her better judgment, Kaya did feel proud.<p>

"Son of a bitch damn near dislocated my shoulder," Kaya complained as she entered the cockpit, sitting with a huff in the copilot's chair.

"Bad day at work, dear?"

"You could say that," Kaya said with narrowed eyes.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side."

"Shepard," Kaya called out over the comm. "Your husband is a mean son of a bitch. You know that? He's worse than Jack. I didn't know that was physically possible."

Shepard laughed on the other end of the line, but she seemed to be holding her tongue.

"Are we actually angry at Garrus? Because I'm not sure I can survive an altercation with our favorite turian," Jeff quipped. "I mean, I'll defend you. To the death. But it won't be a very long fight."

"No, we're not actually angry at Garrus," she sighed. "Much. Just annoyed at the fact that he doesn't know how to give up on a lost cause."

She undid her bun, running her fingers through her hair, and twisted it back up again. Kaya curled into a ball in the seat, closing her eyes as Tali came over the comm to ask Jeff something about the drive core.

God damn did her shoulder hurt. She should probably go talk to Karin about it.

"You're not a lost cause," Jeff opined, when he was done discussing whatever the two spacefaring gear heads were actually talking about.

"Tell that to all the bottles left standing in the cargo bay," Kaya said sleepily.

_Downstairs, Liara was smiling as Kaidan walked up next to her. He placed an arm around her waist. "I was just thinking about that time we both fought over Shepard in the Comm Room."_

_Liara laughed. "What the hell were we thinking?"_

_"I don't know," Kaidan laughed with her. "I do remember winning that particular battle, though."_

_"The battle maybe. Not the war."_

_"Yeah. Ridiculous Turians. Good thing I found a better one to fight."_

Kaya drifted off to sleep, thinking of little blue babies.

* * *

><p><em>Something was coming at them, blocking all their sensors as they tried to outpace it. Whatever it was, it could not be good. There was flash of red. Systems started going down one by one.<em>

_"EDI, find us a place to land!"_

_There was no response, and Joker was doing everything in his power just to keep them in the air._

_"EDI!"_

_He looked over. She was still. Quiet. Unmoving, despite the chaos. _

_"Shit!"_

_Whatever had taken out some of their systems must have messed up the AI core. But she was fine. She had to be._

_"Trainer!" he called back to the CIC. "A place to land! Now!"_

_And Sam, bless her, did find a place in all the static. _

_"Hold on, everyone! This landing's gonna be one rough son of a bitch."_

_It took everything he had to get the Normandy on the ground in once piece. It was worse than the Collector base. Worse than five fucking minutes ago when Shepard had ordered an evac in the middle of a hot zone with fucking Harbinger breathing down their neck._

_What the hell was she thinking?_

_"Jeff, are you okay?" Liara ran up behind him. She tried to start running a scan with her Omni-tool, but something was wrong. That wave had damaged _everything.

_"Liara, I'm fine," Joker insisted. "Nothing's broken. God damn, what the hell did Shepard do?"_

_Shepard. The two of them exchanged a look. No. She had to be … he wouldn't even let himself think it._

_"EDI? Are you back online yet?"_

_He looked over at her chassis, still and peaceful. Then, he noticed something wrong. Her body was burned, and not from the fighting. He remembered noting how remarkably intact she still seemed, every hair still in place. So to speak._

_He got up. Walked over. People were yelling about injuries. Damage reports. Kaidan had crawled up from the cargo bay – the elevator taking too damn long – to find out what had happened. He said Garrus was in bad shape. They needed Dr. Chakwas. _

_He held her hand. Cold. Unyielding. He had to get down to the AI Core. Find out what happened._

_She would be alright. She had to be alright. They both had to be._

_"Only now do I feel truly alive. That was your influence Shepard."_

_The vision shifted. The stench of death was everywhere as she shuffled through an unknown place on the Citadel. Piles of bodies in various states of decay littered the passageway unceremoniously. Keepers scurried over them to continue their work. _

_Things shifted again. Nothing was solid anymore. Nothing was where it was supposed to be._

_He was back on Earth, with Kaidan dragging him toward the Normandy. "I love you," he said. _

_Don't go._

_Then the collectors were attacking the Normandy, months before. It was over so fast. Just a minute or two._

_"What about the crew?"_

_"They are gone, Jeff. The collectors took them."_

_He stood in the engine room, feeling empty. What could he have felt? What normal human emotions could even come close to watching your entire crew get taken by monsters?_

_"Are you feeling well, Jeff?"_

_"No, but thanks for asking."_

_Back on Earth again. In the Normandy, flying away from it with the cargo bay door still open. The little boy climbed into the shuttle, struggling. Why was no one helping him? A Reaper was closing in. She wanted to shout at the them to run, but what good could it do from here?_

_She was standing a lab on Noveria, watching her mother die._

_He was on Jump Zero, slamming in to a turian with a lethal blast of biotics._

_She was making a choice on Virmire._

_She was destroying the alpha relay._

_"Ten billion people over here die, so twenty billion over there can live." He looked at her acceptance of the ruthless calculus with concern. This disregard for individual lives was his domain, not hers. Something they had fought about years before. Something she had stubbornly refused to believe for so long._

_He was watching his entire squad die around him, listening to the colonists scream as the Collectors closed in on Fehl Prime._

_He was lying in the med bay, screaming, and not from the physical pain. How could they have left her there? What were they thinking? What the hell kind of order was that, turning and running away? They should have stayed on Earth!_

_She banged against the glass, as one of the colonists screamed. Her flesh began to dissolve, and she writhed in agony. "They're still alive!"_

The screaming kept going, long after everything else had gone to black.


	23. Chapter 23: Shattered

"Dr. Chakwas! Get up to the CIC! Now!" Joker screamed over the comm.

Kaya's mouth was frozen in a silent scream, her head thrown back unnaturally, her arms contorted. It almost looked like she was seizing. Joker had never heard her make that noise. Never heard _anyone_ make anything close. A gasping, gutteral sound that went on forever.

The sight of it even unnerved Dr. Chakwas for a moment when she made it onto the bridge. Joker had taken hold of Kaya's shoulders, trying to keep her steady.

When she had woken up after the nightmare about Sanctuary, Kaya had been screaming in fear. Joker had woken up in the middle of the night a few times remembering it, fearing when another episode like that would return.

This was so much worse.

Dr. Chakwas gave her a shot of some sedative, and her muscles relaxed beneath his hands. Her head slumped forward. Her breathing restarted.

Down in the med bay, Dr. Chakwas set Kaya's limp body down on the oversized table by the window. The one designed for krogan, where Eve had once sat while Mordin gave him some rather helpful advice that the Commander unfortunately overheard.

_"Don't worry," she once teased him, "he gave me and Garrus advice, too. Actually, pretty helpful stuff."_

Chakwas gave him a look, and Joker understood why she had placed Kaya on the too-big bed. He sat down on the table and placed his hand in hers. Instinctively, she squeezed it and turned her head toward him. She looked to be at piece, while Joker felt like he had just reached the end of his rope.

"What the hell was that?" he finally said, surprised by the shakiness of his own voice.

He looked out the med bay window and saw the whole damn ship gathered there. Chakwas had shooed them all out after the stretcher was brought in, saying she needed to concentrate. Shepard was talking to Garrus, their heads pressed together. Jack was pacing up and down the Mess, glowing blue and looking ready to murder something. James and Kaidan were both sitting at the dining table, staring at the ground. Liara was standing by the window, a sad smile on her face when he met her eyes.

Tali ran up from engineering as the Doctor placed an IV, "to keep her heart rate steady. Her vitals are off the charts."

The quarian placed a gloved three-fingered hand on the glass. Joker shook his head with a smile and placed his hand against hers.

"Doctor?" Joker asked again.

She looked up at him, seeming to find something in his gaze that she did not trust. He was sure he looked manic or feral, nothing but grief and questions.

"I'm not sure, Jeff," she said in a slow, measured, professional voice. They could sing battle hymns about Shepard any day. But if the world ever ended again, Joker figured he wanted Chakwas's unflappable coolness at his side. "It would appear that was in fact an epileptic seizure ..."

"But?"

"There's something off about her neural readings. I think her biotic implant might have caused this. Malfunctioned."

_Son of a bitch. He was glad that motherfucker had shot himself in the head._

Something in Dr. Chakwas's eyes as she read the data streams made him ask, against his better judgement, "What else?"

She looked very hesitant about telling him, but the Doctor ultimately obliged, "Right before the seizure started, her neural signs indicate a post-traumatic episode."

"PTSD?" he choked on the question.

"She," Dr. Chakwas looked warily at him and took a steadying breath. "She was taking an anti-psychotic and an anti-depressant, Jeff. The nightmares were becoming worse. They left her anxious during the day. But, her symptoms hadn't progressed. She wasn't having panic attacks or experiencing avoidance behavior."

"Why wouldn't she say anything?"

"She didn't want to worry you," Dr. Chakwas said sadly. Kaya's breathing had slowed, and the Doctor stepped away, apparently satisfied that her patient had stabilized. "She said you had enough to worry about."

"But, this-"

"She didn't want you to blame yourself. Jeff, she knows the deepest, darkest secrets on everyone on this ship. She has been carrying the collective pain and suffering of all of us. That is a burden no one mind could possibly contain without cracking. I tried to help her, to find someway to dull her psychic abilities or at least stop the nightmares. Nothing worked.

"She made me promise not to tell you. She made me promise not to tell Shepard. Said she would stop coming in to see me if I did, and she meant that promise. Kaya told me she was perfectly capable of sneaking in here and self medicating, and I did not doubt her resolve.

"She knew you and Shepard would blame yourselves. Think that, somehow, her pain was your fault-"

"It is. It's our memories she relives every night. Our burdens she bears, when nobody asked her to!"

"Which is why it was so hard for her to talk about, Jeff," Dr. Chakwas said, smiling cheerlessly.

"I'd been so focused on how she was putting me back together again. I never stopped to look back on how much she was fraying at the edges," Joker said, finding it hard to choke back tears.

But he wasn't about to cry in front of the entire damn crew. He had only ever let Shepard see him break, when she came back from the dead for a second time. Even after EDI, he had kept his mourning private.

Dr. Chakwas lowered the blinds on the med bay windows and exited the room, leaving him to do the same now.

* * *

><p>When she woke up, everything ached. For a minute she thought she was back on the Citadel, coming out of cryostasis with Miranda and Liara hovering over her. Her head was throbbing. If she hadn't already been in the med bay, Kaya would have run down to Dr. Chakwas with worries about a stroke, the pain was so excruciating.<p>

Kaya tried to sit up, but she found her hands and feet were restrained. For a split second, she panicked, remembering Omega. Then a friendly hand lightly rested on her shoulder as the glowing orange shackles fell away.

"It's alright, Kaya. You just move around too much in your sleep, even sedated. You ripped out your IV once," Karin said softly.

Kaya nodded, even though a part of her wanted to yell at her newfound mentor. She suspected she would have, too, if her head wasn't throbbing and her veins weren't pumped full of sedatives.

_Surely modern medical schools teach you not to restrain someone who was fucking restrained and tortured. Give me a heart attack, why don't you doc._

She turned to look down at Jeff, sleeping uneasily next to her, holding her hand. His eyes, even closed, were clearly red with crying. The sight made her feel uneasy, guilty, sick.

"How long have I been out?"

"I've had to keep you under for three days," Karin explained. "Your heart rate kept spiking up, your blood pressure reached 180 over 100 at one point. You must feel like hell."

"Understatement of the year. Or the past seventy," Kaya groaned. "Coming out of cryostasis didn't feel this bad. And I was pretty much dead. I looked at my charts. That kind of tissue damage sure as hell would have been clinically dead back in my day."

Karin laughed a little at that, as she always did. Hearing "back in my day" from someone who appeared so much younger but was in fact old enough to be your mother had to be strange.

Then again, maybe humans of this time should be used to it, with the Asari and all. Liara was over a hundred years old. Kaya would have pegged her at twenty without the azure skin.

"How mad is Shepard? I seem to have taken her pilot out of commission."

"We have backup pilots," Karin said, waving her hand dismissively. "The Commander got mad at Joker, in fact, when he tried to make it back up onto the bridge yesterday."

She would have smiled a little at the thought, but the memory was pretty clear in Karin's mind. The terse exchange had been anything but humorous.

"Where is everyone?" Kaya asked, looking out the window onto the Mess.

"Shore leave, on Palaven. Shepard and Garrus are supposed to be holding a peace summit between the Turian and the Krogan."

Kaya snorted. She had learned enough about interstellar politics not to envy either of them. In fact, she felt herself pitying them, despite her rather uncomfortable position.

"Why is the summit being held here? Shouldn't it be on neutral ground? Or the Citadel?"

"Yes. But the Primarch eventually got Wrex to concede to this, after rescheduling the meeting six or seven times. The Turian hierarchy is still extremely distrustful. They refused to meet anywhere but Palaven."

"I'm sure things are going swimmingly," Kaya said, shaking her head. "On the upside, as long as nobody starts another war, I can see Palaven. And meet Wrex. Those were on my bucket list."

"You are not going anywhere young lady," Karin scolded. Kaya opened her mouth to protest, and Karin cut her off with a shaky, "Don't you dare tell me you're fine. I saw you, up on the bridge."

Pain. Searing hot pain. Had it actually been this bad, on Omega? She didn't remember it actually being this bad. Kaya swallowed, bringing herself to ask the question she was avoiding.

"What happened?"

"Your biotic implants misfired and caused a seizure," Karin said, though Kaya could tell she was clearly trying to hide something.

_Come on, Karin. It's not like its hard to figure out. I'm pretty sure I've read every journal article out there on all the things that can go wrong with implants._

"And the misfire was triggered by an episode," Kaya said matter-of-factly.

"Your vitals are stable," Karin said tersely, and Kaya got flashes of her conversation with Jeff.

_You promised._

"I'm going to leave you and Joker to a little privacy," Karin said. She had caught the betrayed look in Kaya's eyes.

Kaya watched her leave and turned to Jeff. When her anger abated – _Medical Ethics 101, Karin _– she found herself fidgeting. She hit a button to deliver an extra dose of a painkiller through her IV. It didn't seem to be working fast enough.

If she woke him up, they would have to talk. She didn't want to talk.

She might have just sat there, watching him sleep dreamlessly, for five minutes or an hour. Kaya wasn't sure. Eventually, though, she had to face the music. She had a feeling this particular tune would involve a lot of Jeff yelling at her for not 'fessing up about how bad things had gotten.

She squeezed his hand and put the other to his cheek. When he woke up, she found his emotional state strangely hard to read. He _was _angry. And relieved. And scared.

She could see herself in his mind's eye, broken and gasping for air. Looking like she'd snap her neck she was arching it so far back.

He sat up, studying her eyes. Like he was checking to see if it was really her. Then he embraced her, squeezed her so tightly she knew it had to hurt _him_, with those damn glass bones.

She had been trying to hard not to, but Kaya found herself sobbing into his shoulder anyway.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but only when it seemed like her eyes had run out of tears. Jeff made to interrupt her, but she shook her head, pulling back. "Don't. Just don't. I should have told you. I said I wouldn't keep secrets. I lied. Karin was right. She's always right. It's pretty annoying, actually."

Jeff raised a hand to her face. There were still scars across her forehead. He guessed, correctly, that she had not put all appropriate concern into letting them heal property. He traced them with his fingers, silently brooding over her words but trying to look supportive.

"The past couple of weeks," Kaya continued, "It's felt like … like I didn't know where my own mind ended and everyone else's thoughts began. It reminds me of a conversation Legion and Shepard once had actually, about how the Geth shared memories. About how they weren't able to maintain individuality, although that ended up not being true, in the end."

She laughed a little, without humor. "Shit. This is what I mean."

"You're still Kaya," Jeff insisted, although there was doubt under the words.

"Yes," Kaya sighed, "but it has become readily apparent that my brain can't handle all of the other people who have found their way inside. I hate not knowing what to do. There's hardly a medical precedent for this. I need to get to Grissom Academy. If there's anyone who can help me, they are there. But we can't go yet. I won't put other kids like me in danger."

"Shepard's working on it," Jeff said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. It was sort of sweet that he still tried shit like that. "When this clusterfuck of a peace summit is up, we're going to find that other cell. Hackett's even found us some really boring missions, to clear some room on the calendar."

"Good," Kaya said. She smiled, just a little, but it was genuine. It reached her eyes. "In the mean time, I think we have both earned some shore leave. Shepard can yell at me about security concerns later. I think she had bigger problems at the moment."


	24. Chapter 24: Palaven

"Totally Space Rome," Kaya said, stepping out the airlock with a smile. Her headache was almost gone now, though she wondered how long the medication would last.

She felt Jeff studying her in her armor, the shields powered up to prevent radiation damage on the hostile surface. Her attire must have made Kaya look tougher to the outside world, but Jeff was looking for cracks, for signs that this was a bad idea. Karin had sure as hell protested. But, at least for now, there were no chinks in the armor to be found. Kaya was just a spacefaring adventurer again, looking with genuine awe out at the city.

She tried not to think about how limited their window probably was. Karin was surely trying to get in contact with Shepard.

"This never gets old," Kaya murmured, taking his hand.

_That's the girl I fell in love with._

It was painful to hear him think, for a lot of reasons. He said it regretfully, with full awareness that he was losing her to some dark disease festering in the center of her mind. And he said it knowing that they were no where near the "I love you" phase.

Typical relationship games bullshit. Another day, Kaya might have called him on it. She had broken her don't-mention-people's-thoughts rule more than once with Jeff. Today, though, with everything that had happened …

"Shepard's going to murder you," Jacks' voice interrupted Kaya's reverie. "Hell, I might murder you. Get back on the ship, Cole."

"Nice to see you too, Jack," Kaya said, still smiling. "Now fuck off."

Jack let them pass, but Kaya could see her thinking about calling Shepard. She was debating whether her concern for Kaya's safety overrode her concern for her mental health, whilst weighing how much she wanted to _not _report in to Shepard like a good little soldier.

"Don't worry, Jack," Kaya called behind her. "Karin's already on it. I'm sure I've got fifteen minutes before the cavalry rides in. Just give me that much, okay?"

"You're going to pay for this next time the two of you are down in the cargo bay, I think," Jeff said lightly as they walked down the gangway.

"Probably. But I pay for it when I so much as look at Jack the wrong way. The good news is that I can count on Karin to put all of my lessons on hold. Doctor's orders. Thank fucking god."

"I thought you liked Jack."

"I do. We're best buddies, can't you tell?" Kaya said. When Jeff seemed uncertain about the joke, she nodded her head. "Yes, Jeff. We're good. We … we get each other."

That only caused his expression to darken, and Kaya found herself wishing she had held her tongue. Damn him. He always managed to keep her talking just three seconds longer than she should.

"Do you think they have any bars around here that serve a nice levo brew?" Kaya asked.

"I'm pretty sure Dr. Chakwas would kill me if I let you get drunk right now," Jeff laughed, though there was a serious edge to his voice. "Actually, I'm probably already a dead man walking."

"Not to get drunk, you ass. Just one drink."

"Oh, right. When have you ever had just _one _drink?" he scoffed.

"Hey! You make me sound like a damn alcoholic," she said, bumping into him playfully with her hip. "Anyway, someone's gotta keep up with Shepard and Jack. And, okay, I like taking advantage of the whole overcharged-biotics-equals-no-hangover thing. Because it's amazing. I was just starting to reach the point in my life where a single bottle of wine could give me a hangover, so this is great."

"Wait, a whole bottle of wine _didn't _give you a hangover before?"

"Nope. I got my mom's genes on the alcohol thing," Kaya said with a wide smile, remembering some particularly rowdy Christmas and New Year's celebrations at her grandparents' place in Atlanta. "Lots of German and Irish in there. My brain may be going, but my liver's damn solid."

Jeff shot her a look but held his tongue. He wasn't really one to criticize an inappropriate joke. "Fine, a bar then. On my own head, I suppose."

Three hours and two bottles of asari wine later – Kaya was disappointed, but not surprised, to find they did not have any beer – Kaya felt a hand digging quite painfully into her shoulder. She turned around from the breathtaking view on the balcony, half expecting to need to blast someone across the bar, and instead looked up at the very angry face of one Commander Shepard.

"I plead mind control powers," Jeff immediately said. "Oh man, I'm coming to. What happened? Last thing I remember, I was telling Kaya we couldn't leave the–"

Shepard glared at him, and Kaya found herself really appreciating not being a Reaper. Or Jeff.

"What. The hell. Are you doing?" Shepard practically growled at both of them.

_And here Garrus said he didn't know humans could make that noise._

Kaya was about to crack a joke, but she stopped upon measuring up Garrus and Liara, standing behind the Commander, every bit as upset.

Shit, they had been _so _worried about her. So scared. Karin hadn't been able to get word to them at the summit due to the high level of security. She had actually had to send private running through the streets of Palaven find them, after giving Jack a thorough scolding.

And here Kaya was, putting her life on the line. Anyone could have come in and snatched her away.

"Don't blame Jeff," Kaya immediately said, quietly and urgently. "We all know he was in no fit state to deny me anything. This is all on me."

Jeff made to protest but stopped, face falling.

"Fine. You're lucky I haven't asked Liara to flay you with her mind. But, fine. I'm going to have a word with Joker," Shepard said. Kaya could only remember hearing her voice so low and dangerous a handful of times, in her darkest of memories. "Garrus, take Kaya up to our quarters. Don't let her out of your sight."

Garrus motioned with his head for Kaya to follow. Quickly. She obliged, giving Jeff's hand a little squeeze as she went, and followed Garrus and Liara out in silence. A few curious patrons looked their way, making Shepard's ire worse. If any of them were the wrong people, capable of making the connection between the Magellan and the Normandy. It was not a thought she wanted to finish.

When they reached the Captains' quarters, Garrus and Kaya stood in _very _uncomfortable silence until Kaya finally asked, "Did the peace summit go _that _bad?"

Garrus's mandibles flared with amusement and annoyance. "Actually, it went almost as perfectly as you could ever hope a Turian-Krogan summit would go. Shepard only had to threaten to head-butt Wrex once. This is all on you."

"Shit."

_Waking up in the med bay. Realizing Shepard wasn't with them. Everything hurt. People were talking. Liara was trying to explain what had happened through a tear-choked voice. Everything hurt._

Kaya shook her head, as if she could get rid of the recollection that easily, and sat down on the desk. Garrus crossed the room to approach her. She must have looked as weak as she felt.

"I'm–" _Fine. Hah. _"Sorry. I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Are you alright? Do I need to get Dr. Chakwas?"

She shook her head. No on both counts, she supposed, although some readings on Garrus's visor were making him doubtful.

"Just a little dizzy. Probably just the wine," Kaya said with a faint smile. Her heart was racing, but it was not _quite _at a dangerous point. "And before you ask, no. No, I do not know what the hell I was thinking, except that I wanted to see your homeworld. I wanted to get outside and enjoy my life, instead of hiding on this damn ship waiting for another psychopath to try to kidnap me or shoot me. Or, worse, waiting for my own mind to pull me under again."

She saw her image reflected back in his mind. Her eyes were defiant, the only part of her that looked strong. He was impressed and scared. More scared. Worried.

"Please stop looking at me like that," she sighed.

"Like what?"

"Jesus, Garrus, you're not that much older than me. But you look at me like that – all worry with a hint of pride – and you remind me of my father."

"Your father?" Garrus's brow plates moved up. His mandibles flared out in surprise. He was a little thrown by the comparison, but it was not an unwelcome one.

"Yeah," Kaya said, realizing she had never actually spoken about her family with Garrus. "Which is weird, because the only thing the two of you have in common is your unbendable desire to push me to my limits. Your shooting lessons remind me more of my time on the softball pitch than I'd like to admit."

"You've lost me."

"Softball pitch? It's a field where a human sport is played. It's very American, although the Japanese love it too. I played, as a girl. I was okay. Not good enough to get on varsity – that's the highest level – when I made it to high school. But, good enough for a JV team my freshman year.

"My father had played baseball – a very similar game – in college. Wanted to go pro. Ended up a scientist instead. He loved that I came to it on my own. That I wanted to play. And then he made sure I trained like crazy. That part I hated. I wanted to read or draw. Play video games. Write. Go to the mall with my friends. Anything but incessantly throw the same ball into the same net three hundred times."

"Ah," Garrus said, understanding. She game him a sad smile.

"You know, after the Okinawa incident, I spent a lot more time out in the yard practicing. It was easier than facing empty shopping malls or my father, confined to a bed." She could feel Garrus's confusion. "Right. Never talked about it. The same chemical plant accident that gave me my powers, it killed a lot people. Worst industrial accident on Earth since Bhopal, almost a hundred and fifty years prior. The city was literally decimated right off, and then there were a few years where it seemed like everyone I knew died from cancer."

"Kaya–" Shepard walked in then, interrupting Garrus's display of sympathy with her still unadulterated rage. "Kaya, wait outside a moment."

Shepard made to protest, but something in Garrus's eyes stopped her. Kaya moved carefully off the desk, wincing at how sore everything was, and headed out into the small antechamber between this room and the elevator.

_"Go easy on her," Garrus said on the other side of the door. "She knows that what she did was brash. Idiotic. Dangerous. Right now she doesn't need the Commander. She needs her friend, Shepard. I've never seen her like this."_

_"Like what?" Her anger wasn't satisfied much by this plea from her husband. _

_"Vulnerable," Garrus responded. "She's worse now than when we rescued her off Omega. Then, she was remarkable, brushing off so much death and torture like a soldier. I figured it had been her training, and finding out she had almost none was a shock."_

_"Agreed. The first time I saw her sparring with James, I thought she was just screwing with me," Shepard sighed. Her anger wasn't gone, but it was no longer a terrifying force of nature, either._

_"All of it. All of the pain she put off for _years _suddenly caught up to her all at once. And she ran away with her boyfriend to get a drink. Not all that surprising, maybe, if she was eighteen. But not what I was expecting from Kaya. So go easy on her," Garrus insisted._

_"Am I still allowed to want to space Joker out the airlock?"_

_"Oh, I'm going to go have a few choice words with Joker. I don't care what Kaya said. He _does _know better."_

He walked out the door a second later, suddenly aware of how Kaya must have heard all of it.

_Funny, how you can forget there's a psychic standing on the other side of the door._

"Don't try to stop me, Kaya. Joker's not the one who had a psychotic break. If he really wanted to keep you safe, he would have kept you on the ship. Now, go talk to Shepard."

Before Kaya could protest, the elevator door closed with a hiss. Damn it. Time to face the music.

Kaya walked into Shepard's cabin, feeling the Commander's icy and disapproving stare no matter how low she cast her eyes. Kaya had always been the obedient daughter. She was caught sneaking off _once _in high school, before heading to St. Vincent's School for Gifted Student. She was heading to the National Mall to meet some friends, a water bottle full of vodka in hand. The National Park Service had caught her before she even made it to the Reflecting Pool.

So, she was not entirely familiar with this kind of disappointment. It stung, raw and unyielding on her many open wounds. She briefly wondered how anyone could end up being a rebellious child, if their parents were _half_ as terrifying, when Shepard raised a hand and smacked Kaya lightly aside the head.

She winced and couldn't help spitting out, "You know, physically abusing the girl who had torture-induced PTSD might not be the best course of action."

Kaya took little pleasure in the way her words seemed to wound Shepard. But, it needed to be said. It was just like Chakwas with her restraints. How did they _not _realize how much stuff like that made her want to run screaming from the room?

"Look, Kaya, I've never gone through what you're facing." _Obviously. _"But I've seen shell shock before. I want to help you."

"I feel a 'but' in there somewhere."

"But if you go getting yourself killed or kidnapped or worse, it severely inhibits my ability to do so!" Shepard yelled. The yelling was a lot more bearable than the steely, quiet anger.

"I know," Kaya breathed quietly. "I already told Garrus–"

"Everything he wanted to hear, except that it won't happen again," Shepard said, glaring. Kaya still couldn't bring herself to meet that pale green gaze.

Kaya had not been aware of how emotionally manipulative she was being, until Shepard spat it back in her face. It stung, just like almost everything else today. She wondered momentarily how much more of it her brain could take before devolving into another psychotic fit.

"I will lock you down in engineering, Kaya," Shepard continued. "Don't think that's beyond me. Right now, I care a lot more about your physical safety than your emotional well being. Especially because your continued existence on this ship means there aren't any psychopaths out there able to turn you into a weapon."

"You have my word, ma'am," Kaya said quietly, still not meeting her eyes.

"Shepard," the Commander said, causing Kaya to look up in surprise. "I'm not telling you this as your C.O. I don't think you'd take me half as seriously if I did."

There was a faint smile in Shepard's eyes, still obscured by considerable distress. But, Kaya would take it.


	25. Chapter 25: Kasumi

When Kaya awoke – in the med bay, as everyone had absolutely insisted she remain there for a few days – she heard a lot of commotion out in the hall.

"Not okay, Kasumi," she heard Shepard groan, still sounding on edge from last night.

"I think once you find out why I'm here, Shep, you'll change your mind on that score," the hooded woman said.

Kaya looked out the window, massaging her shoulder where she had apparently slept on it funny, and saw Kasumi Goto give her a friendly little wave.

"Cole-san," she said softly, apparently completely aware that Kaya could still hear her through the soundproof glass, "come join us."

"Kasumi, what is this about? How did you get on my ship? How _long _have you been on my ship?" Shepard demanded.

Kaya zipped up her sweatshirt and pulled her hair into a bun. Jeff was already unfortunately already upstairs. Kaya had the feeling she could use his emotional support for this one.

"Hold on a moment," Kasumi replied, counting off on her fingers. "As if I'd tell you. And since last night."

"What were you doing on Palaven?" Garrus asked.

"You probably don't want to know the answer to that question, Garrus," Kasumi said with a mischievous little shrug.

"How do you know who I am, _Goto-san_?" Kaya asked groggily but untrustingly, entering the room. "And how much do you know?"

It turned out, as Kasumi would explain, she knew everything. She knew things even Liara hadn't found out about yet, things Kaya didn't even think there were records of. In fact, she knew things that Kaya _knew _there weren't records of.

Winning the regional softball tournament when she was eleven was the giveaway. _Maybe _that would have been in a very detailed dossier somewhere, but the part about her father buying a bottle of sparkling wine to shake up and spray over her in celebration never would be.

Kaya found herself crossing her arms across the table, glaring at the thief. "Kasumi," she said in exasperation. "How are we related and why didn't you open with that?"

"That's a little racist, don't you think?" When Kaya's gaze didn't waiver, Kasumi put up her hands defensively. "All right, all right. You win. I was just seeing how long it took you to figure it out. I happen to believe there's a strong family resemblance."

"Wait, seriously?" Shepard said, hardly the only one at the table stunned by the revelation. Garrus, Vega, and Kaidan all carried various expressions of bemusement.

Kaya, on the other hand, wanted to know how Kasumi had so deftly hid it during their conversation. She did not know if she was more intrigued or annoyed. Probably the latter.

"My great-grandfather was your father's younger brother," Kasumi explained.

"You're Kenji-san's great-granddaughter? Kiko-chan's granddaughter?" Kaya gasped. She hadn't actually expected the relationship to be so close.

Kasumi pulled a paper picture out from the fabric of her cloak and passed it over. It was worn at the edges, showing markings of being moved form frame to frame. Kaya remembered seeing this picture before, hanging on the wall in her grandparents' house. Her parents, aunt and uncle stood in a line. Her aunt Akari held a four-year old Kiko, while Kaya's mother held a two-year-old Kaya. She was wearing a traditional kimono, her short hair in little pigtails. It was the first time she and her mother had visited Tokyo.

"I thought you should have this," Kasumi said softly.

Kaya quickly wiped away the tears that came to her eyes as she ran her thumb lightly over the glossy photograph. She had found some pictures of her family on the extranet, even some updates of what had happened to her cousins after she was gone. Kaya had stopped looking, though, when she realized how many had died during the Reaper invasion.

This, though. To have a physical object from her past. It meant everything.

"So, what, that makes you my grand-niece?" Kaya laughed through tears.

Everyone else at the table started to shift, thinking they should give the two of them space. But Kasumi held out a hand to stop them.

"We can have a more proper reunion later," Kasumi said. "Right now, we need to talk business."

Kaya nodded, motioning for them to sit. She placed the photograph on the table before her, absentmindedly smoothing the edges.

"When I heard about the Magellan being found, it rang some bells," Kasumi explained. "I remembered my grandmother explaining how her aunt and cousin had died aboard. So, I started doing some research. Who knew there was another lady of stealth and espionage in the family?"

"You shouldn't have been able to find that out," Kaya said wearily. "There weren't supposed to be any records of my involvement with the government. At least none that weren't _heavily _encrypted and only existing on the military intranet."

"Obviously, there were. And they weren't well secured at all. C-Sec also did a piss-poor job of hiding that you had been abducted from the Citadel. And you lot," she said accusingly, "weren't particularly subtle on Omega. I mean, it's Omega. I know Shepard doesn't have a subtle bone in her body, but still.

"I was pretty sure I was going to find you aboard," Kasumi continued. "What's been harder is trying to track down who is after you. But I think I have a lead, if you're interested. There's definitely Cerberus involvement."

"We know," Shepard groaned.

Kaya did her best to push images of Sanctuary out of her mind.

"But it isn't a Cerberus operation. There aren't really Cerberus operations anymore. There are cells, but they no longer have the Illusive Man or anyone else guiding them."

"We suspected that as well," Liara said, walking out of her cabin with a raised, painted eyebrow. "Kasumi."

"Hi, Liara," she responded cheerfully. Kaya gave a little snort. Kasumi's mannerisms did remind her quite a lot of Kiko. "Anyway, I believe the cell that's hunting down Project Indigo is based on Earth. London, to be specific."

Kaya felt a knot in her stomach. Going back to an unfamiliar city on Earth had been unsettling enough. But, London? She had spent her adolescence there.

Kasumi, of course, knew this. She shot an apprehensive look at Kaya as she continued, "I figured we could set a trap. I'm still working on a plan."

"Okay, good. This doesn't get you off the hook for stowing away on my ship," Shepard warned. "But, thank you. You're welcome to settle back into the lounge, if you'd like."

"I would like that. I saw you updated the bar. Quite a nice selection now."

"Speaking of which," Kaya said, straightening and cracking her back. Her hands didn't leave the edges of the photograph on the table. "I think I need a drink. Finding out you have a grand-niece who helped save the universe is kind of a shock."

"Just the galaxy," Kasumi corrected with a smile, "but I'll grab the glasses."

"Eat something first," Shepard warned, pointing to the kitchen.

"Yes, mom," Kaya said, rolling her eyes but grabbing a ration bar from the pantry all the same.


	26. Chapter 26: London

"Okay, so Vega just told me," Jeff said cheerfully as she walked onto the bridge.

Kaya sighed with exasperation. She had a good chat with Kasumi over a couple lemon drops. The thief was a pretty level-headed girl, if a little quirky. She told some great stories about Kiko, stopping just sort of revealing how she died. Kaya appreciated that, at least for now.

Kaya could only laugh, though, at the idea of her Uncle Kenji's progeny becoming a world-class thief. He was always such a straight-laced tight-ass. Made her father look like a damn rebel in comparison. Even with how much of a kiss-ass Kaya could be, she had been terrified of her temporary move-in with her aunt and uncle after her father's death. Then again, that probably had do more with the constant reminder of her father's absence in her uncle's identical blue eyes.

Kasumi was surprised by this particular revelation about her family. Kiko had been more than a little rebellious in her later years, and the young thief had never imagined her great-grandfather as some overbearing traditionalist.

"I don't even have words," Jeff was saying.

She grabbed his Alliance cap in annoyance and pulled it over her own head, curling up on the copilot's chair. She had showered, finally, and put on her favorite black dress. The one from Ilium. Liara had helped her acquire several others over the past few weeks, but the black Ilium dress was still special. Her feet were bare, cold against the leather of the seat. The cap didn't really fit on top of her head, with her hair piled up on top.

She felt Jeff wince a little beside her, remembering the _last _time she was in that chair.

"Then shut up," Kaya said, shooting him a smile, hoping she was sufficiently distracting. "This is so beyond weird. I mean, okay, I'm a time traveler. I was going to run into some great-great whatever eventually. But I was _not _expecting Kasumi."

"Nobody expects Kasumi," Jeff said. "I think that's kind of the point."

Kaya wanted to ask how badly Garrus and Shepard had chewed him out last night, but she decided against it. She was feeling nostalgic, though not in a bad way. No need to go ruining the mood with talk about yesterday.

"How long 'til we reach earth?" she asked instead.

"About ten hours. How are you feeling?" his voice was soft. Casual, even. Like he was asking whether she had recovered from the drinking instead of the psychotic break. But he couldn't hide the fear underneath. Not from her.

"Mostly just sleepy," she responded, resting her forehead on her knees. It was nice and dark under the brim of his hat. Warm, too. Maybe a little sweaty.

It wasn't time to talk about yesterday. Not yet.

"Don't tell me to go back to bed," Kaya added, as the words formed on his lips. "Karin is making me sleep in the med bay. Which is pointless. The observation deck is like twenty feet away, and she can monitor all of my vital signs no matter where I am on the ship."

"She's worried about you," Jeff said kindly.

_We all are._

"Nevertheless," Kaya muttered, pulling the brim of her cap down lower, "I think I'll just hang out here, thank you very much."

She felt Kasumi walk up on the bridge behind them, cloaked and silent. She had to be aware of the fact that Kaya could feel her, even if Jeff was apparently oblivious. Kaya decided to ignore her. For now, at least, the intrusion was harmless.

"You two are adorable," Kasumi whispered in her ear a moment later, too low for Jeff to hear. Kaya shook her head and laughed silently.

_"Kasumi," _Kaya thought. She had not tried to project into someone's mind like this since Omega, but she figured it was working from Kasumi's startled recoil_. "Please leave me and my boyfriend in peace. Don't make me appeal to your respect for your elders."_

"Yeah, I don't have that," Kasumi whispered. "Being a good little Japanese girl was never my specialty."

_"Why am I not surprised?"_

"Come on. You're telling me _you _played along with all the pomp and circumstance?"

_"When I was with my _sofuba? _Oh, hell yes. You'd never know it from the crew I run with now, but I was pretty good at falling in line. Would have joined the military, the Medical Corps, if that didn't require running and jumping and all those other fun things. I wanted to be a flight surgeon."_

"Nah, I recon you were always more like Shep's people," Kasumi whispered. "Never really falling in line as much as people thought. Your rebellions might have been quieter, but still. Hell, your first CIA field assignment was a suicide mission. It's like you were destined for the Normandy."

_"It wasn't supposed to be a suicide mission. Unless you know something I don't."_

"No. But, come on, it was a huge risk. You were totally putting your life into the hands of a corporation you were trying to take down."

_"Corporations. Plural. All of them among the most powerful in the solar system. But I get your point. They didn't even give me a gun." _

Kasumi let out a little tut and Kaya just smiled sadly. She had accepted her mistakes. These ones, anyway. She had been far too trusting of her handlers. Cain and all the rest. She knew some of them genuinely cared about her; she had not calculated how much more they cared about the mission.

But their calculus was fair. If her dying would have stopped those experiments at Drake's Point – she pushed the images of Sanctuary from her mind – she would have happily died.

_"Seriously, though, Kasumi. I'm tired. Can't you go bother someone else? Vega, maybe? I'm sure deserves it for something."_

"Vega? I hardly know him. He wasn't part of our attack on the Collector base."

_"Well, then go get to know him. He's a pretty good guy. I promise. I know these kinds of things."_

Kasumi laughed, just loud enough for Jeff to look over, thinking it was Kaya.

"Okay, fine," she whispered, we he had looked back to his console, "but we're going to gossip later. The invisible girl and the psychic. I mean, Liara and Kaidan? I totally called that one."

It was Kaya's turn to quietly laugh. She made a mental note _never_ to tell Kasumi about the physical range of her abilities. She'd never hear the end of the questions if it was revealed just how much Kaya knew about Kaiden and Liara's dalliances.

* * *

><p>Kaya woke up a couple hours later when Jeff reclaimed his baseball cap.<p>

"I was using that," she muttered, reaching out absentmindedly in the air to swat at him. "Now my head's cold."

He informed her that he was getting some rest while they refueled and invited Kaya to join him on the observation deck. She curled against him later on the couch, ear pressed to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It had probably become more familiar than her own. They still had not spoken about serious things.

"Tell me what's going on around the ship," Jeff delayed further. When she made a noise of protest, he rebutted, "Hey, you promised no secrets. No lies."

"These aren't my secrets to tell," she said, her thumb nervously tracing a circle on the back of his hand.

"I know you're listening."

_I'm always listening. That's kind of the problem, remember?_

"Come on," he whispered. "Just one. Daniels and Donnelly."

Kaya gave a little snort. "Ha. That one's not even a breach of privacy. They're arguing about some technical stuff that I don't even understand _after_ being inside their heads. And I'm a god damn genius, I'll have you know. I can't _believe _they haven't realized they're a couple yet."

"See, this is fun," Jeff quipped. "Dr. Chakwas?"

"Catching up on messages in her inbox."

"Anything interesting?"

"Jeff," she muttered, his name a warning.

"You know, I haven't taken advantage of you to win at poker or find out if Liara's hair tentacles really move once. Not once. You should be very proud of me. I'm not asking you to reveal anything _bad._"

"There's this thing they have called the extranet," she laughed. "Might have heard of it."

His hand, the one that had been stroking her hair, started tapping inpatient patterns with his fingers on the back of her head. She could feel that it was mostly feigned annoyance, but there was a little current of real irritation there, too. _How come you get to know everything that goes on, but not the rest of us?_

"She's messaging Kaylee Sanders about me," Kaya finally said, having a sinking feeling that she was going to regret playing this game in earnest. "They're friends, I take it, from her tone. Still, the whole thing's very professional, inquiring about the other Project indigo students. Karin thinks I might not be alone in … absorbing the nightmares of others. Wants Kaylee to watch out for it in her students. Good."

She could feel Jeff tense up beneath her. Still not ready for that conversation.

"Jack and Vega are sparring," she laughed, shifting gears. "The platonic kind."

That got him to relax again.

"Like, biotics versus brawn?" Jeff asked. She could see him picturing the battle, rather inaccurately, in his head.

"Nope. No biotics allowed," Kaya said. "Come on, that wouldn't even be a contest. Jack's really holding her own though. She might even kick his ass. They've got to be getting tired. I mean, damn. They've been going at it full force for like ten minutes."

"Okay, next one. What's Liara up to?"

"Boring Shadow Broker stuff," Kaya said, before giving a little snort. "Can't believe I just said that. You guys have made me a cynic."

"_You _could never be a cynic. Leave that to the professionals."

"You're not a cynic," she argued. "Not completely. Not-"

She stopped herself there. They were avoiding serious conversation, after all.

"Not anymore," he breathed, finishing her thought. "Okay, what about Garrus?"

"Next," she said quickly. Although she did not really mind being pressed on the issue. It would be interesting to have someone to talk about this with.

"Oh, god. He and Shepard aren't going at it again, are they?"

"No, Jeff. And please stop thinking about them having sex. You're getting it all wrong in your mind's eye anyway," she chided. "Watch a vid sometime. No, but Shepard and Garrus are talking up in their quarters."

"About something interesting, I take it?" Jeff pressed further, before saying in a halting way, "Oh. Are they talking about us?"

Kaya shook her head against his chest, feeling like she was going to regret this. But she was so damn _tired _of keeping everyone's secrets to herself. The good secrets would be nice to share.

"They're talking about babies."

"Babies," Jeff repeated, nonplussed.

"There's a new procedure," she explained with a laugh. "Piggybacks off the asari. Doesn't necessarily combine DNA from parents who are two different species. That is practically impossible. Hell, that's kind of core to the definition of 'species.' Kind of particularly true when the two parents don't even have amino acids with the same chirality. But the technique uses the DNA for randomization. Synthesizes certain key traits, so the baby's not an actual clone."

"Wait, seriously? They're talking about having kids?" His fingers had stopped tapping against the back of her skull, and his whole body seemed to tense as he seriously considered this possibility. "Holy shit. Is Shepard going to go on maternity leave?"

"They're still just talking about it," she said softly. "Haven't made any decisions. But they've _both _got a lot of time off saved up. They've kind of been planning for this possibility. Shepard thinks that maybe … maybe once this _mission _involving me is done, they'll think about it more seriously."

"Holy shit. So, wait, would it be a human baby or a turian baby?"

"They'd have to choose. They're thinking about twins, though."

"I'm trying to imagine what a turian baby looks like," Jeff laughed.

She could feel him deflecting a little. The thought of losing his Commander was disquieting.

"We saw some on Palaven," Kaya said. No serious conversation. Not yet. Not about them. "They were cute. I totally call dibs on babysitting duties."

A comfortable silence fell between them for a while. Kaya felt Jeff almost ask if she wanted kids, but he stopped himself. She was glad for that, considering she had never come to a conclusive answer on the issue. Eventually, the grogginess that seemed to be constantly pressing in on her lately took over, and she fell asleep against him.

She was awoken some time later when he was trying, unsuccessfully, to quietly extract himself from under her. She had tangled her legs with his in her sleep.

She wrapped her arms around his, pinning him back to the couch with a laugh. "Nope. Not getting away that easily."

"We're done refueling, Kaya. I have to go fly the ship. You know, to go kick some Cerberus ass."

Reluctantly, she let go. Everything felt too still and cold after he stood up.

"Fine. But only because of the Cerberus bit."

The door opened, and Jeff responded with a slightly strained, "Oh, hey Kaidan."

Kaya opened her eyes, only to narrow them. She would not need to be psychic to see through this particular ruse.

"You guys are unbelievable!" she protested, sitting up. "I don't need a damn babysitter."

"Then you can go back to the med bay," Jeff said, no lack of seriousness in his tone. "If you think after what happened a few days ago I'm leaving you alone, you can fucking forget it."

Kaya considered pitching a fit for a brief moment. But, even if she was able to manipulate Jeff into backing down, she sensed Kaidan would not be so easily swayed.

She gave a little sigh. "Fine. But I want you back down here as soon as we've reached Earth."

Jeff tipped his cap to her with a slightly strained smile and left. Kaya crossed her arms, sitting up straighter, and half-seriously glared at Kaidan. But she had to soften when she realized why he, in particular, had pulled guard duty.

"You know, for a bunch of people who have saved the galaxy a few times over, they're a bunch of cowards," Kaya grumbled. "Can't even be in the same room with me."

"Give them time," Kaidan intoned quietly, sitting on the couch next to her. "You did scare the shit out of them."

"And they're furious with me," Kaya sighed. Kaidan made to interrupt her, but she held up a hand. It wasn't an angry gesture. More sad and meditative. Calling for silence. "But you're not," she continued. "You're not furious with me at all. You're the only one besides Karin who is willing to see the truth of the situation."

"Which truth is that?" Kaidan asked. His voice was so calm, his face still. But there was turmoil and uncertainty underneath that only a psychic could have read.

"You two are the only ones who see me for the wounded, broken thing that I am," she said, feeling him flinch at her matter-of-fact tone. "You two are the only ones who understand how I lack any control over my actions. You see my running off to a bar last night as a symptom, while everyone else is currently still seething at me and Jeff over it."

"Don't mistake me. I still fully blame Joker," Kaidan said, a dangerous edge to his voice.

"That's not fair. People do stupid fucking things for people they love, especially when they're scared. You can't always blame them for it."

"Agree to disagree," Kaidan muttered, so softly Kaya was not sure she was supposed to hear.

"I'm serious, Kaidan. Please be nice to my boyfriend," she said, looking over to actually meet his gaze. "He's been through enough without the whole crew turning on him. And you all know it. You wouldn't keep looking at the two of us with such _relief _if you didn't."

"He's broken, too," she found herself pleading. "We're two stupid, broken people who have lost damn near everything and are trying, unsuccessfully, to keep each other glued together. And as much as I appreciate your concern, that would be a lot easier without everyone glowering at me. At him."

"You're not broken."

"Don't lie to me, Kaidan Alenko. I'll put up with plenty of good natured white lies. People usually mean well. But don't lie to me about this," she said, trying but struggling to keep her voice level. "You're one of two people on this ship I can count on to give me an accurate assessment of where my head's at."

Kaidan pondered this for a moment before asking, "What do I get out of the bargain? What do I get in return for keeping you honest?"

"What would you want?"

"Your eyes," he said almost immediately. She narrowed them at him now, not really liking where this was about to go. "Anything happens on this ship I should know about – and I know you're smart enough to determine what that means – you tell me."

"I was wondering when _Spectre _Alenko was going to show up. That's not a fair trade."

"I'm not asking you to spy for me."

"That's exactly what you're doing," she shot back, looking down and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Although I'm quite surprised you're the first person to ask. Shepard's been thinking about it for weeks. But _she _has boundaries."

"Take it or leave it," Kaidan said coldly.

She could feel how it was _sort of _an act. Kaidan wasn't going to stop worrying about her if she refused. But he wasn't going to offer himself openly in friendship, either.

"Fine," she spat out. "But only because this isn't a power play. Only because I like you."

A smile tugged at one edge of his lips, but Kaya only rolled her eyes.

"Using a mentally ill girl to your advantage," she tutted, smirking a little to make sure he would know she was not _completely _serious. "I knew you Spectres were cold, but damn."

"I'm using you to the crew's advantage," Kaidan corrected. "And don't think I'm blind to the irony. But I don't have Shepard's way of just _knowing _the crew. Of _understanding _them. She needs another pair of eyes on this ship, to catch any of _her _blind spots."

"It's not like there's a mole aboard the Normandy," Kaya said.

"Not right now. Not today. But Cerberus definitely had a man inside C-Sec or the Alliance. That's how they knew about you so quickly," Kaidan said. "And traitors aren't always born. Sometimes they grow slowly, not even meaning to pull the trigger in the end. You're smart. You know what kind of wavering to look for. I know you feel like a nark, but it's a necessary evil."

"You talk like you're expecting me to stick around for a while," Kaya noted.

He smiled in earnest now, the grin reaching his eyes. "Well, yeah."

* * *

><p>Kaya woke up to the sound of confusion. She went to look out the window and found that it was shuttered. Did that mean they had reached Earth already?<p>

"I'm on my way up," Joker was saying. "Hey, Doc, take over my watch!"

Kaya sat up in time to see Joker hobbling out the door toward the elevator. She tried to stand, still finding herself insurmountably tired. Now she was _really _convinced that Karin had given her some kind of slow-releasing sedative.

Speak of the devil, the door _whooshed _open again and Karin placed a firm but kind hand on her shoulder to push her back down.

"You need to rest," she ordered.

Kaya knew that voice. She had used it herself plenty of times, in free clinics and on rotations with patients who were blissfully unaware of now little experience her white coat actually represented. It was the _because I'm a doctor and I said so _voice.

"One, I can't believe you drugged me," Kaya accused. "And, two, what's going on?"

"Something to do with the mission. I don't know. You need to rest."

"Something to do with the mission to _find the people who kidnapped and tortured me?_" Kaya found her voice a little higher than she would have liked. "No chance in hell, Karin. Follow me up to the C.I.C. if you must, but I'm finding out what's going on."

"You know, I'm pretty sure you and Shepard are the only people I would let pull something like this," Karin said, exasperated, as she followed Kaya onto the elevator.

Kaya tapped her bare foot impatiently on the metal floor but smiled appreciatively at Karin.

"Kaidan told you about our talk," Kaya said as the elevator moved, far too slowly. It was a statement of fact, rather than a question. Kaya had stopped asking the doctor questions she already knew the answer to a while back. "That was fast."

_Of course, he hadn't told her about all of the talk. Not the part about her being asked to spy on the whole damn crew._

"He didn't tell me anything I was unaware of," Karin said shortly. "Although I think you're wrong about Shepard. She's a better judge of character than most people even give her credit for."

"She is," Kaya admitted as the doors finally opened, "but I'm better."

Kaya strode up the bridge, Karin following at a clip behind her. The C.I.C. was more empty than she was used to, and Kaya wondered what the hell Shepard was thinking giving non-essential staff shore leave in the middle of all this.

"What's going on?" Kaya demanded when she reached Jeff, standing at his side with her hands placed firmly on her hips, balled into fists.

_God damn, Vega was right. She does look like a mini-Shepard was she does that._

"It's fine," Jeff said, trying to sound like he meant it. He almost got away with it. Might have, if Kaya was not her usual self.

"Spill."

"Fine. Do you remember the woman who brought you back after cryo? On the Citadel?" Jeff asked. He turned his attention to the comm to tell the Commander, "Med team's on their way. ETA five minutes."

"Miranda? What's Miranda got to do with all this?" Karin asked, brow furrowing.

"Nothing, until about twenty minutes ago. Cerberus had her."

"I don't imagine she came in willingly," Kaya said in a low voice.

She had not talked much to Miranda during her days in the hospital, but she got the impression that Miranda was one bitch you did _not _cross without facing bodily harm. She was a scientist, sure. Brilliant. Kaya still had a million questions about neurology she wanted to ask, now that she thought about it.

But she was also one of the most ruthless member's of Shepard's former squad, and that was really saying something.

"That's what the med team's for," Jeff said.

"For her or the bodies in her wake?"

"The bodies in her wake need forensics," Jeff said. There was something that disturbed her in his matter-of-fact tone, a callousness of war she had not quite gotten used to.

Jeff must have felt her tense up. He was getting pretty good at reading her body language, and Kaya liked to think of herself as particularly subtle. He reached out a hand and grabbed hers, lacing their fingers together as his other hand moved quickly across the screen in front of him.

She took his fingers from his and pointed at the console. "Don't let me distract you from your work, Mr. Moreau." Then she took his cap and put it on, hiding her unbrushed hair. It was warm and smelled of him and kept her from wanting to scream out.

More torture. More pain. More bastards she wanted to rip apart with her bare hands.


	27. Chapter 27: Cheerleader

Karin pointed to the large gash in Miranda Lawson's shoulder. "Medi-gel there."

"You sure you want me doing this?" Kaya said, pulling up her Omni-tool all the same. "I mean, I'm not sure this should be my first live patient in seventy years."

"Have you been studying those medical textbooks I gave you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then stop sounding like a damn M2, Dr. Cole, and apply the Medi-gel," Karin said, her voice terse without being angry. It was a tone Kaya recalled from her time in the hospital as a student, being instructed by well-meaning but impatient residents.

Just as back then, Kaya did as she was told. She reflected on how her year four rotations felt the whole seventy years away, even though it was really just a couple months ago that she had been taking a diploma from the Dean's hand, her mother looking tearfully on.

"If I have scars, I'm blaming you, Karin," Miranda groaned.

Kaya found herself bolstered by Miranda's strength. She had just been tortured. _Tortured. _More mercilessly than Kaya had been. But she was virtually unfazed.

Sure, it wasn't the first time someone had taken a hot knife to Miranda, but _still. God damn._

Shepard started to question Miranda, but Karin shooed her out of the med bay. _Later_. _The interrogations could come later._ Miranda protested as well, but this part of the Normandy only had one Captain, and it wasn't Shepard.

Kaya was still wearing Jeff's cap. She had paced quickly behind him in the cockpit, waiting for the evac team to bring Miranda in on a stretcher. They had protested, loudly, about bringing her to an Alliance ship instead of a damn hospital. But, ultimately, Shepard won out. They rushed through the airlock door and into the CIC, and Kaya raced after them.

This was the woman who had brought her back to life, after all. She had every reason to be just a little bit concerned.

Kaya noted Miranda's eyes lingering on her cap now, recognizing it with a raised eyebrow. The right side of Kaya's lips twitched up in response. Miranda didn't have _quite _the same reaction as everyone else. She had not been on the Normandy since the Collector base. She had not seen him after the Reapers fell.

No, she was more amused than anything else. Maybe a little bit disappointed.

_I've read your dossier. You could do better._

Her voice was a laugh inside her head, fully aware of the fact that Kaya could hear.

_This could be good, _Kaya thought to herself, applying Medi-gel where they had cut off Miranda's ring finger. No time to dwell on that now. Seal the wound. Regrow the tissue later. _One more person who will read me, who won't hold back in keeping me straight._

* * *

><p>When Miranda was stable, Karin had made Kaya leave the med bay as well. "She needs to rest, and I know you have a million questions."<p>

Miranda and Kaya both protested. But, again, Karin won out.

Instead, Kaya had taken to pacing outside the med bay window, shooting disapproving glances Karin's way every once and a while. Shepard and the team were seated around the table. Everyone shot Kaya their own glances, these ones more concerned as the minutes ticked on.

The few answers Shepard had been able to provide since Kaya exited the med bay had hardly been satisfactory. They had a lead from Alliance Intelligence on a possible nest this Cerberus cell was using. They raided it. They found Miranda, very nearly dead, not that you would know it looking at her now.

She was a much gaunter woman than the one Kaya remembered, that was true. She was missing a few digits, and her face was heavily bruised. But she was unbent, unbowed. Unbroken.

Kaya felt far more unnerved. What the hell did they want with Miranda? Was she just a pawn to get at Shepard? Did she have some valuable information about Kaya? Where was the rest of the cell? Was this a trap?

That was the question that knotted her stomach the most. Hanging out around a bunch of soldiers had apparently honed this instinct. Maybe she had been absorbing their training from the nightmares she walked through. Miranda felt like a pawn, sacrificed to lure them in and take the Queen.

_Me, or Shepard?_

Kaya flinched – heavily, so much that her jumping away seemed to physically wound him – when Jeff tried to take hold of her shoulder. He held up his hands, palms out, in deference. There was panic in his eyes, questioning how far backwards this turn of events had pulled her.

Kaidan and Shepard, too, were asking the same question behind her. Wondering how much the mere mention of _torture _brought bile to her lips and adrenaline to her heart.

Garrus didn't need to ask. He was watching her carefully through his visor as her heart rate climbed, wondering if he should get Dr. Chakwas.

The others – Jack, Vega, Tali, Liara, and Kasumi – were less aware of her unraveling. Jack was just too numb to remember the panic, the fear. It had been ages since she'd had anything resembling a post-traumatic episode. The others weren't familiar enough with this particular brand of poison.

Kaya heard them all too loudly, and she hated that this had become so much about _her. _Kaya had never shied away from a spotlight, but this was not somewhere she wanted to stand in the center.

She took Jeff's hands in hers, trying to take a few steadying breaths. They worked, to an extent. The edge left Garrus's thoughts, anyway.

They walked over to the table, and Kaya sat down. She rested her forehead on the polished wood, cradling her head in her arms.

"I know you don't all like her," Kaya said slowly, letting a hint of laugh seep into her voice, "but Miranda is one tough bitch. I mean, god damn. I'm starting to see how Shepard got tricked into working for Cerberus."

"They were working for me," Shepard said reflexively, a little edge to her voice.

"Maybe. But the very fact that you came aboard the SR-2 at all, instead of finding your own way back to the Alliance, was odd. I always thought so," Kaya said frankly, still not moving her head from the table. _Get mad at me all you want. I'd much rather you be mad at me over this. _"Now, though, I think I get it. Miranda just demands you sit up and pay attention. She said 'lets go take down some collectors,' and you were right behind her with only a moment's hesitation. You idiots don't give her enough credit."

"Ha!" Jack laughed. "Sometimes you have real balls, Cole, but you're pushing your luck."

"Psh, don't give me that," Kaya shot back. "You're one of the few people in this room that actually has an appropriate level of respect for her. The rest of you are too blinded by her previous faith in the Illusive Man. Was that dumb? Hell yeah. Was it much different than Shepard's own faith in him going through the Omega-4 Relay? No. No it wasn't, and you assholes need to stop pretending differently. Besides, that was six fucking years ago. Time to let go."

Kaya was oddly pleased with herself, even though everyone in the room was glaring at her. She wasn't normally one for pushing people's buttons like this – it seemed unfair, given her uncanny way of knowing all of them – but getting everyone at a level of anger that almost matched her own felt _good. _Childish. Totally immature. Petty beyond belief. But, still, good.

She realized no one here had ever seen her like this, moody and pitching a temper tantrum. Not even Jeff, and he had forced her to consider the prospect on a few occasions over the past month. It was a lot more common before she went into cryo, so much so that her psych evaluator at the CIA made notes about her being "potentially unstable." This had always been a problem, since she was a teenager.

Kaya would seem the most unflappable of characters, calm and collected in the middle of the biggest shit storm. She remembered when that nine-pointer hit Los Angeles, while she was doing her emergency medicine rotation at UCLA. Many of her classmates fell to pieces in a few hours.

Kaya pressed on, not sleeping for almost three days. It was only after the chaos died down that an unlucky resident managed to hit the wrong nerve. She had punched him in the face. Broken his nose. Nearly gotten herself expelled.

Her mother had been so angry, later, when the pain and rawness of the whole situation had ebbed away.

Her tone had not been dissimilar from the one Shepard now used, "Do I need to send you to your room?"

"I'm fine, Mom."

She had said the same thing back then, hadn't she, though gritted teeth? The elder Dr. Cole hadn't believed her then, and Shepard wasn't convinced now.

Kaya stood back up, waving away Jeff impatiently. "Please tell me we have something I can cook with," she muttered, walking over to the kitchen.

Vega stood up as well, "Oh man. I'm starving. Here, I'll help."

Kaya rummaged through the fridge as James started aimlessly pulling cookware from the cabinets.

"So, I'm not the only one who uses a nice hot stovetop to get over things," Vega said, his voice just a little quieter than usual.

Kaya shook her head, narrowing her eyes at the almost-empty refrigerator. She supposed there were crew members out getting more supplies right now, completely unaware of the shit that had just hit the fan. There were eggs, though. Some milk.

"Do we have flour?" she asked him, pulling some cartons from the fridge.

"You wanna bake, Blue?"

"Please, please tell me we have cocoa powder. Sugar."

"You wanna bake _brownies?_"

She laughed at his expression of doubt at her domesticity. It was a terse laugh, true, but it made her feel a hell of a lot better.

"It's what I used to do after an exam. Bake brownies. _No, not those kind of brownies, Vega. _My roommate and I would eat half of them, and then bring the rest in the next day to our classmates. Something about beating the batter was always a particularly satisfying stress reliever, but the chocolate sure as hell doesn't hurt."

Sure enough, against the odds, they did have all the ingredients. Even a baking pan. Kaya's mood had brightened considerably at their good fortune, much to the relief of the team.

"I can't believe you like to bake," Vega said, shaking his head. "I mean, I've seen you throw a punch."

"I thought I punched like a little girl."

"Nah, I was just saying that. Your arms are still as weak as a Hanar's tenticles," he said, wrapping his hand around her bicep. It was small and pliable under his touch, though a great deal more toned that it had been a month ago. "But, you're getting better."

"I like a few girly things. Pretty dresses. Baking. Wanna know an even better secret?" Kaya said, smiling wide. She always got a little manic pleasure out of this particular reveal. "I used to be a cheerleader."

Jeff had overheard her, and Kaya was pretty sure he did not stop laughing for a good five minutes. The other humans at the table tried, and failed, to explain to Garrus and Tali what the hell was so funny. Kaya felt very pleased with herself, though, as the tension in the room had abated considerably.

When he had finally caught his breath, all Jeff could say was, "Well, I know what I'm asking for in my next requisition order."

"Not gonna happen," she shot back, sifting the flour into the batter. She had James measuring out ingredients. "And go ahead, keep picturing it. I'm sure I won't hold that against you."

* * *

><p>Kaya had apologized profusely to Tali and Garrus for not having the dextro ingredients necessary for another batch of brownies, but they seemed quite used to the slight. After a whole lot of whining, Karin had finally allowed Kaya to bring in a brownie for Miranda (and one for the doctor, as well).<p>

"When I saw you baking out there, I thought I was having a fever dream," Miranda laughed softy. "I don't remember seeing anything like that in your psych profile."

"You went through my old records? How – never mind. That must have been interesting."

"Oh, it was," Miranda said lightly. "I very much doubt I would have given you the green light."

"There were certainly stops and starts over the years," Kaya admitted. "I think some of the project leaders were quite happy to let me to go college, then med school. Play doctor. Nobody thought I was ready for a field assignment."

"And yet, they sent you to Mars."

"I was so young. Feels that way, anyway," Kaya said, feeling the weight of it. "I should have seen their desperation, but I was so desperate to go myself. … Miranda, I haven't … Nobody here is really aware of how bad it got. They've seen me now, of course. I've had a couple of bad episodes. More not-so-bad ones. I told Karin I have a prior history … but if you could keep you mouth shut, I'd appreciate it."

Miranda nodded, "They were insane, sending you on a mission. They were insane _training_ you, no matter how valuable an asset you were. After Okinawa–"

Kaya held up a hand to interrupt her, and she was happy to see that Miranda uncharacteristically obliged.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Kaya requested. "I'm more interested in what you found out from Cerberus. Something tells me you were interrogating them just as much as they were interrogating you."

"Karin?" Miranda called out, smirking in pride at Kaya's assessment. "Can we let Shepard in now? I think it's time to get to work."


	28. Chapter 28: Secrets

Later, Kaya found herself back on the observation deck. She had pushed the couches together, creating a makeshift bed, after falling off her twin cot during a particularly bad nightmare the other night. Her body was exhausted, but her mind was racing with everything Miranda had said. She wanted to sleep, but Kaya suspected whatever sedative Karin had given her was wearing off.

Still, she laid down under a blanket, breathing deeply and trying to force her body to shut down. She heard Jeff come in through the door. He thought she was sleeping. Kaya was surprised he couldn't see the tension in her arms or back, that he was fooled by her deep breathing.

Sometimes the obliviousness that came with not having telepathic powers still managed to surprise her. She widely regarded her abilities as a curse, but there were times when walking through the world without them sounded like a distinctly bad idea.

He placed a hand on the back of one of the couches, watching her "sleep" with unmasked worry. He turned to go, and she grabbed his hand, not wanting to be alone. She had sprawled out over the width of the two couches, but she moved over now, still hogging all of the covers.

He accepted her invitation with some wariness, carefully lowering himself down over the edge of the couch and laying down beside her. She put her head on his chest and pulled the covers over both of them. When his arms didn't move to embrace her, she started sensing something else under the concern. An anger that was making his heart beat too fast.

Kaya bolted upright.

"That bitch!" she said with a raised voice, starting to stand up. "That lying cunt!"

Kaya had been so tired, she managed to effectively shut out Miranda's conversation after she had left. So she had none of her customary warning, and Kaya's rage bubbled rapidly to the surface. Jeff grabbed her shoulder, more tightly than she was expecting.

"It's not her fault."

"Like hell it's not! _'Don't tell the others,' _I said. And she agreed! She agreed, and she meant it! And that little bitch when all Benedict Arnold on me," Kaya growled, wrenching herself out of Jeff's grasp.

"Fracture my wrist, why don't you?"

Something about the way he said it made her stop. The anger and panic that were coming back halted. She took a sharp inhale, one that threatened to bring on tears. He was so _hurt. _She was used to worried. Angry, too. Annoyed.

This was the first time she had really _hurt _him. Not physically. Not this time. This was worse.

"No secrets," she whispered. A promise. A promise she had knowingly broken but refused to reflect on. Kaya retreated to the other side of the couch, curling her bare feet beneath her.

"Yeah, I seem to remember you saying that," Jeff said, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Kaya wondered for a moment if this was all wrong. The two of them ran too hot, when they were angry or hurt or scared. There was no one to act as the anchor, bringing the other back to reality.

She shook her head, trying to get rid of the doubt. And the memories.

_The mania will make you think ridiculous things. Things that seem perfectly logical at the time. It will make you hate people you love. Love people you really hate. You have to remember that manic Kaya is a different person entirely._

She was fourteen, and it felt like the whole world was falling apart.

_She could feel her mother's fear back in the lobby of the psychiatrist's office. This wasn't normal. None of it was normal. And she could tell no one._

_The doctor kept searching for what had triggered her. How could she possibly say it was a memory, a nightmare? Someone else's nightmare?_

"What happened in Okinawa left deep scars," she said quietly. It was a line she had said before, to more than a few psychiatrists and psych evaluators and handlers over the years. It felt somewhat disingenuous to spit it back out now, but she didn't know what else to say.

"Kaya," he said, and the pain was still clinging to every note, "you tried to kill yourself."

_I don't typically go around telling that to people I've only known for a month. _The angry, manic part of her wanted to make him understand that. The real Kaya knew that typical timelines hardly applied here.

_It was the summer she turned fifteen. She was supposed to start boarding school in London in less than a month. She had been excited. So excited. They had gone as a family, a few times when she was growing up. It was a beautiful city. She'd live in student housing along the Thames on the South Bank, not far from a market she remembered going to once._

_"I guess I'll never go back, now," she thought, staring at the blood at her wrist. There was no real regret, though. Nothing, really. It was over. It was finally over, and she could just rest._

Kaya came back to the present and realized she was crying. Jeff looked like he wanted to reach for her, but he held back, doubt filling the space between them.

"I … I get manic phases, sometimes," Kaya said softly, not bothering to wipe the tears away. "Like manic depressants do, except I rarely have the depressed part. The two – manic depression and PTSD – can happen together. And when I'm like that … I don't think straight. Weird things seem logical. Like slitting your wrists to make the voices stop.

"It's a good thing it was an impulsive decision. No time to research. Otherwise I might have gotten in right."

_"So you cut across, huh?" a boy was saying in the hospital bed beside her. "Rookie mistake."_

"Is that what happened in there, earlier? When you were pacing?" he asked.

For the first time, she saw how she had looked, in his mind's eye. Her eyes were feral.

Kaya nodded. "That was a really mild one, actually. But it was the first time it's happened since I've been here. I know … I should have warned you. But everyone was already watching for every little crack."

"Miranda makes it sound like you were at the end of your rope, when they sent you to Mars," Jeff said. There was a hint of admiration for the _Cerberus Cheerleader_ in his voice as he added, "She was pretty pissed off about it, actually."

"I had just graduated, but I wasn't really doing anything. Training, some, with the Project. But most of my handlers had given up on that." She tried to give a little laugh. It came out more like a cry. Kaya set her head on her knees, trying not to remember the few days before she went into cryostasis too clearly.

"I fell apart without the activity, with all of the pressure of the mission on me. In school, I was always studying or on rounds. I was hanging out with friends, doing a little combat training on the side. I didn't have free time. When I did … the monsters started climbing out of the woodwork. Memories. Nightmares. Mostly my own, back then.

"My main handler – a man called Cain – he didn't want to send me. Yelled at his superior officers when I was out of the room, as if I couldn't hear every word. Told them to find another way, send somebody else. I had known him since I was fifteen. He was embedded at St. Vincent's. It was a very prestigious school, and the CIA recruited heavily from it.

"You know, for all their secrecy, I wouldn't be surprised if that's what tipped the Corporate Congress off. My connections to St. Vincent's were surely investigated. Someone had to be aware.

"He died during the Reaper attacks on earth. Fighting in the resistance, in London. He would have been almost a hundred years old, that son of a bitch."

She was talking very fast, bordering on mania again as her thoughts flashed through the years.

Jeff let out a low hum of concern, of trepidation, before asking, "Was he the one who identified you? The one who knew you were psychic?"

"Even before biotics," Kaya replied, "agents like that had training in recognizing _special _abilities. Nobody had ever been found, of course. At least to my knowledge. It was a _just in case _kind of thing. Cain later told me, though, that he would have tried to recruit me anyway. Not as a field agent, but as an analyst. I think he was always a little sad I went into medicine instead of data. Said my pattern recognition skills were exceptional.

"Thought my hand-to-hand combat skills could use some work," she laughed bitterly. "I bet he would have gotten on with Vega."

"You've never talked about him before," Jeff pointed out.

They had talked about everything in her past. Everything that wasn't tainted with this darkness.

"My strongest memories are of him yelling in that conference room. _Screaming _at them. _Begging _them not to send me. I had just had an attack in the middle of the street. A sound of a car horn … it reminded me of the warning sirens in Okinawa. He had been there, seen me go back. I was twelve years old again, for a few minutes. Didn't recognize him. He was so pale, after.

"I was supposed to leave in three days. He was yelling about my psych profile. They didn't want to hear it. But that's why I never said anything. Every time I think of him, I think of the crazy."

"You're not crazy," he insisted.

"Have you been listening to this conversation?"

"Do you remember what I told you? About after EDI died? About how I went catatonic?" Joker asked.

She looked at him, feeling her wet eyes sting in the recycled air. He was completely calm. Still. Trying to be _her _anchor as he talked about one of the hardest parts of his life. She nodded, swallowing futilely at the lump in her throat.

"People aren't supposed to just get up and keep going when the worst happens. It's the ones that do – the ones who don't pause, the ones who don't feel – we should worry about. You're not crazy. You're injured. You have wounds that may never heal. But crazy isn't the right word. You're a doctor. You know the difference between mentally ill and traumatized."

Kaya swallowed again at the painful lump in her throat. Had _he _just schooled her in psychiatry?

She got back up onto her knees and crawled the short distance between them, pulling him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her as tightly as he could manage, resting his chin on her bare shoulder. His beard tickled.

Funny how she'd never liked guys with beards before.

"You're a good boyfriend," she whispered into his shoulder.

"I know. You owe me. Possibly something involving a cheerleading uniform."


	29. Chapter 29: Cerberus

"Have I told you how much I hate this part?" Kaya asked rhetorically, tapping her foot rapidly on the copilot's chair.

"About five hundred times, yeah," Jeff said, pulling up some data feeds on his console.

They were up in orbit around the Earth, while Shepard's team got ready to strike against Cerberus thousands of miles below.

"It's almost enough motivation for me to continue my combat training." She heard Jeff take in a sharp breath of air next to her and hastily added, "_Almost. _Relax, love, I'm not ever planning on going out with Shepard's squad again. I don't have a death wish. Anymore."

He gave her a gave her a pointed look and she said, "I believe you once told me that 'angry jokes are always helpful.'"

He grumbled out something inaudible about picking such a pain in the ass with a perfect memory for a girlfriend, which made her smile. Interesting how he was pointedly avoiding the "love" bit, though.

_Down on the ground, Shepard was moving with Garrus and Liara up the stairs of an office building. Kaidan, James, and Jack had landed on the roof. Kasumi and Tali were handling the security system. Shepard made a hand signal – hold up – and carefully opened the door on the sixth level._

"Whoa," Kaya said, lurching forward. Her head was spinning, both literally and metaphorically.

Jeff shot her a worried look as she tried to figure out what the _hell _had just happened, and then she was dragged under again.

_The hallway was empty, all bright lights and potted plants. There was a glass sculpture hugging the curved wall between the two offices. They headed to the left. Kensington and Sons. The receptionist's desk was vacant, even though it was four p.m. on a Thursday._

_"Shepard, I don't wanna worry you on your little mission, but something's wrong with Kaya," Joker said. _

Not in the cockpit. Over Shepard's comm. Kaya knew that was wrong. He had been right there. Next to her. But she found herself unable to come back to the ship_._

_"Wrong as in her eyes are rolled back in her head," Joker said, voice strangled. _

_"Get Dr. Chakwas. Maybe it's something they're doing to her from down here," Shepard said, trying to stay calm, knowing that was unlikely. Damn it. She needed Joker ready for an evac, on his A-game. _

Kaya couldn't tell them what was wrong.

_Shepard tried the door. Locked._

_"Kasumi, we've reached the perimeter," Shepard said over the comm. "Your turn."_

_A small light on the latch turned green a couple seconds later. They slipped in quietly. Team Hammerhead should be making their way into maintenance shaft now. She could practically hear Kaidan and James complaining about it. Shepard, Garrus, and Liara quietly moved through the office in a standard sweep formation. The cubicles beyond the receptionist's desk were all empty of whatever interns and lower staff should have been there._

_At least they seemed to have the right place. The question was: how well was this trap set? How easily could it be sprung?_

_"Movement down the hall," Garrus said quietly, looking through his visor. _

_They started walking briskly that way, guns sweeping the room, when the sound of an arc pistol charging up behind them caused Shepard to stop like she had stepped on a land mine._

_Pretty easily sprung, then._

_"I have no interest in killing you, Captain Shepard. Or your … interesting … crew," a familiar, silky female voice said. Shepard turned around slowly to face her, and she was left seething at the sight of one Maya Brooks._

_How the hell did Miranda not catch that one?_

_"You just have something I want," Brooks continued. _

_Red scope lights danced across Liara and Garrus. The cubicles weren't empty, just filled with Cerberus agents whose cloaking could apparently outsmart Alliance-issue tech._

_"Told you we should have shot her," Garrus said, voice vibrating angrily._

_Shepard had to admit, she was regretting her little act of mercy._

_"I seem to remember begging for your life, Brooks," Shepard said. "Shame you had to go and waste that."_

_How had they not heard about her breaking out? Shouldn't someone had told her? She would have _totally _assumed that Brooks was involved in a scheme like this, if she had known she was out of lockup. It was right up her alley: trying to use a broken, twisted person as a weapon._

_One of the scope lights on Liara's back went out. Brooks didn't appear to notice. Maybe she couldn't see the lasers from her vantage point. Or maybe she was just too busy smirking at Shepard._

_"Oh, I am very far from wasting it," Brooks said, all silky-smooth confidence and false honey. "You have no idea what you're sitting on, Shepard. No idea what kind of power."_

_"I know exactly what I'm sitting on," Shepard said. "And that's why you're not getting anywhere near her."_

_"Order the Normandy to land," Brooks said, and one of the lights on the back of Garrus's neck disappeared. "And I'll let your husband live."_

_Joker was yelling obscenities in her ear._

_"Yeah, I don't think my pilot would follow that order, even if I was inclined to give it."_

_"Oh?" Brooks said with a raised eyebrow. "A little office romance? A much better choice for him than that damned AI."_

_"She'll never work for you," Shepard said, watching another light go out. _

_Come on, Kasumi, pick up the pace. _

_"Maybe not at first. But I think she'll find me very persuasive," Brooks said, looking at her nails in a very off-hand way._

It's not real, _a voice said. Shepard wasn't sure who. _She's acting like she thinks she's won. But she knows the battle's not over yet. She's got something else up her sleeve for emergencies. Be careful. Keep her monologuing.

_Another light went out. Two more to go._

_"Lay a hand on her, and you'll find I wasn't joking about spacing your head out the airlock," Shepard said._

_"I wasn't planning on it. Now, a knife on the other hand. Well, I don't make any promises." One more. Come on Kasumi. "And I don't think you'll be anywhere near an airlock. Kidnapping a highly valuable Alliance asset? Something tells me the brass doesn't look too highly on something like that."_

Shit, shit, shit. Get out of there, Shepard. That's the card up her sleeve.

_Kaya? What the damn hell?_

_"We'll see about that," Kaidan said, placing a gun to the back of Brooks's head. This was Spectre Alenko. Cold, calm fury hiding behind dark eyes. Total control._

_Shepard was _highly _tempted to give a kill order, but she doubted Brooks was the one in charge. _

_Kaya, think you can handle interrogating her?_

Oh hell yes.

_Good. She nodded at Kaidan, who promptly knocked Brooks out with a very hard whack to the back of the head._

I think I may be waiting a while for the opportunity, though. Damn, Alenko.

_Shepard smiled before telling her team, "Search the perimeter. Tali, get up here. And Joker, get us an evac, now. Before the Alliance shows up."_


	30. Chapter 30: Citadel

Kaya bolted upright on the med bay table, knocking Karin sideways.

"Sorry!" she shouted, running out the room to protests. "I'll explain later."

She ran up to the elevator and was lucky to catch it before the good doctor caught her. She paced wildly for a few moments, wondering what the fuck had just happened, before reaching the CIC. She bolted out, feeling the ship rev up into overdrive, as she ran past the crew.

"Scared you, huh?" she chimed, placing her hands on his shoulders.

Joker didn't answer for a moment. He'd like her to believe it was because he was too busy flying the ship. He was really just in shock.

"Apparently this whole psychic thing works from orbit," she explained as best she could. "Don't ask me how the hell to explain that one."

"Wait, what?"

"I was in Shepard's head. Hmm … quantum entanglement, maybe? That's how the Normandy gets instant communication from other star systems, right? That's probably how the Reapers worked, too. Harbinger and the Collectors. I do have some Reaper-ish abilities."

"I would be quite happy if you never said that last part again, thanks," Jeff said, his voice particularly strained.

Kaya leaned over on her tip-toes, trying to calm down as she applied more pressure to his shoulders. She was being a bit too chipper about the whole thing, she realized. _Reel in the mania. _But it _was _kind of cool.

"That's fair," Kaya said, successfully softening her voice. "Now, let's go get Shepard before the Alliance shows up to court marshal her. I got the impression from Brooks that they weren't far."

"Wait, you could read Brooks's mind from inside Shepard's mind?"

"No. But I happen to have an uncanny understanding of body language. It was something Cain made me train on, in case my abilities were ever incapacitated. I found it utterly redundant then. Glad he was a cleverer bastard than me."

They were making their way through the inner atmosphere now, the ground rushing up to meet them.

"ETA two minutes, Commander," Jeff said over the comm. "What's your status?"

_"We're on the roof. We've got Brooks, so have somebody prep a cargo hold."_

"And here I was really hoping Kaidan shot her," Jeff said.

_"I sure as hell thought about it, Joker."_

"Can I shoot her?"

Kaya squeezed him a little tighter.

_You're not a killer, love. And if anyone gets to shoot her, I'll make she sure pulls the trigger herself._

The back of his chair was just high enough to make her position pretty awkward, so she moved to sit on the ledge between the pilot's and copilot's chairs as they made their way over the Atlantic Ocean. She chuckled a little, remembering the three hour flight from New York to London. Even on a commercial spacecraft, it was a fifteen minute endeavor now.

Kaya put her feet up on his armrest, earning a sideways glance. She noted that she should really cut her toenails.

_Oy, Manic Kaya. Take a hike for a while, will ya?_

"Can I ask a serious question?" Kaya said over the comm. Without waiting for Shepard to reply, she asked, "Are we really about to commandeer the Normandy? Run from the Alliance? I mean, I know Jeff has this dream about poker playing pirates, but I'm not so sure that's a great idea."

"I already called first mate," Jack said, leaving even Kaya to wonder what she was talking about.

"I have a plan, Kaya," Shepard responded.

Kaya believed her, guessing that she was going to have to learn to put full faith in Shepard sometime. But she could still hear a subtle tone of shock in the Commander's voice. Whether it was more from the revelation about Brooks or having her mind invaded from space, Kaya wasn't sure.

* * *

><p>At C-Sec headquarters, Captain Bailey was <em>pissed.<em>

"You bring a commandeered Alliance vessel into my port, two fugitives into my office, and then try to pull rank on me?"

Beyond pissed. Livid. Kaya felt like she needed to warn Shepard to watch it, but Bailey had made the Normandy's crew lock the fugitive Lieutenant in an interrogation room, and her throbbing head didn't feel up to the task of entering Shepard's mind again.

Good thing Jeff was still on the ship. He would not have been happy with this particular arrangement, even if Jack and James were in there with her.

"Look, I understand your frustration. You have every right to be angry with me. With us," Shepard said. Kaya really didn't need her abilities with how raised their voices were. "But, yes, that's _exactly_ what's happening. There are _three _Spectres in your office, and they are demanding C-Sec's cooperation."

"You once did me a favor," she continued, her tone softening. "For a scared kid headed down a very dark path and his father trying to make things right. If the Alliance gets their hands on the scared girl in that interrogation room, I can guarantee you'll be cancelling out your act of kindness. She hasn't got any parents to watch her back now, but she's got me."

Jack and Kaya exchanged a meaningful look, as Vega said, "Well, shit, Blue."

"Damn it, Shepard," Bailey said in a low growl. Kaya saw both Vega and Jack straining to hear. "I want you to call a meeting with the council now, before we go any further with this."

"Kaidan, stay with Brooks. Don't argue. I'm only just hoping that between you, Liara, Miranda, and Kasumi, you can keep things contained if she wakes up. Garrus and I will go to the Council. Tali, head back to the ship. Make sure Joker doesn't come up with some half-assed plan to break Kaya out of prison."

"The Council won't be happy about going directly up against the Alliance," Garrus noted.

"I've still got more than few favors to cash in with them," Shepard said. "And they have a stake in keeping Kaya out of Alliance hands, too."

Shepard walked over to the interrogation room door and opened it, giving Kaya a very pointed look and ordering, "Stay here."

"Don't worry, she's not getting past me, unless she's been holding back _a lot _in lessons," Jack said.

"She meant stay out of her head," Kaya explained, to a panel of confused looks. There hadn't been time to talk about it on the way to the Citadel. "Relax. Whatever I did has given me the _worst. Migrane. Ever. _I'm not inclined to add to it."

* * *

><p>"Joker's really not going to like this," Garrus said.<p>

"I'm not talking to Brooks without her in the room," Shepard insisted, as Kaya opened her eyes.

She had fallen asleep curled in the corner. James had told her to take the inclined interrogation chair, which had earned him a _very _severe glare.

"This is going to suck," Kaya said. "But let's go find out what the White Witch knows."

"This another human reference I should know?" Garrus asked.

"C.S. Lewis. Evil character. Very tricky. Believed in the whole catch more flies with honey philosophy, to a point. Pretty good series of books, actually. I had to read them in an English literature class in college. The White Witch turned any subjects who disagreed with her to stone. I think Brooks is worse."

Garrus's mandibles flicked out, annoyed but agreeing.

"I'd like to put in an official word of dissent, myself," Miranda said, walking out from where they were holding Brooks out into the hall. "More than a word. Didn't we have a whole conversation about how _not _ready for fieldwork Kaya is? And now you're bringing her into an interrogation?"

_You're gonna be a lot more pissed when you find out what else they're planning, Miranda._

"I can handle it, Miranda," Kaya insisted, unable to remove the hard edge from her voice. "And while I appreciate your concern, you and I are going to have a little conversation later about trust issues and the privacy of medical information."

"Your commanding officer had a right to know," Miranda insisted.

"So you threw in my boyfriend too, just for good measure?"

Everyone else exchanged looks, wondering what the hell they were talking about. Everyone except Garrus, who Shepard must have told. Damn it.

"You're not terminally ill or something, are you, Blue?" James asked.

"No," Kaya said curtly, refusing to explain any more for the moment.

_Maybe _she should have told Jeff. _Maybe _she should have told Shepard. But nobody else had a right to know that Marcus had traced over old scars when placing the biotic amplifiers at her wrists. A month. She had been on the Normandy a month.

_Damn it, Miranda._

* * *

><p>They had some trouble waking up Brooks. No one, however, ever offered up the idea that she might need medical attention.<p>

Kaya looked at their prisoner strapped into the reclined interrogation chair – _What the fuck, C-Sec? – _and found her skin crawling. It didn't even matter that this woman was quite possibly behind all her pain and suffering. Torture still wasn't a fate she'd wish on her worst enemy.

Other people currently in the room felt differently. They weren't _actually _planning on torturing Brooks, but they were sure as hell considering it. Even Miranda, who still looked like she had just finished a stint in a Batarian prison.

"Well, while we wait," Kaya said, trying to sound rather nonchalant, "let's talk about the deal you pitched to the Council."

By the way Kaidan sighed, Kaya would have guessed that Shepard had filled him in. She was not prepared for the realization that it was _his _idea.

"What the fuck, Kaidan?" she blurted out.

"They weren't going to protect you from the Alliance unless they got something out of it," he said, as Miranda narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

Everyone else had been left outside. Some for their lack of self-control. Others for the ways in which Brooks was likely to get under their skin.

Kaya found herself growling, raising a hand to her forehead as she leaned against the wall. Her head was still _killing _her.

"While I can appreciate that you attempted to place yourself between me and the Council, I'm still kind of pissed off," Kaya said.

"Somebody want to explain _exactly _what you offered the Council?" Miranda demanded.

"Now's not a good time, Miranda," Shepard sighed.

"For you, of all people, to have come up with this plan," Kaya continued at Kaidan, ignoring both of them. "After everything we talked about – oh, hey, she's waking up."

Sure enough, Brooks's eyes fluttered open. Kaya found something deeply unsettling in the way they found hers.

"You have one shot at this. If you think I'll hesitate to put a bullet in your head this time, you didn't read my dossier closely enough," Shepard snarled.

"I'm not stupid, Shepard. You want the name of who I'm working for. I don't want to die," Brooks said in that perfectly honed voice, falling right in between sweet and sultry.

_I know I said I was against torture, but does punching her in the teeth count?_

The way Shepard flicked an eyebrow at her made Kaya think she had just vocalized that in the Commander's head. But it seemed she was just picking up on Kaya's seething rage, instead.

"You're also not particularly loyal," Shepard said. "So, talk. Maybe you live."

_"No deal," she said, throwing him through the window into the husk-infested chasm below._

Kaya caught Shepard's eye and flicked her gaze over to Miranda in warning. Shepard got the message, but she did not seem wholly against the idea. Brooks had put them – and the people they cared about – at risk one too many times. She had run out of chances with the Normandy crew's traditional mercy.

"Binary Helix," Brooks said. _Noveria. Rachni. A queen dying. _When nobody responded, she continued, sounding absolutely exasperated, "They contacted me after I … _retired _from penitentiary life to investigate Project Indigo. I had found the connections to the Cole, but even I never imagined she was alive. When word about the Magellan reached someone at BH, they sent me after you. Happy now?"

Shepard looked to Kaya, who nodded. Brooks at least thought she was telling the truth. There was no way of knowing if someone else was behind the curtain, pulling more strings. Brooks seemed to genuinely think that the ultimate orders were coming from someone high up in the company, though.

"We're done here," Shepard said, pulling out her pistol, "But I don't make the same mistake twice."


	31. Chapter 31: Indigo

"It worries me that you're not more worried about this," Kaya said, looking out onto the river cutting through the Presidium.

"She had it coming," Jeff said simply. He was still too blinded by rage to give a damn that Shepard – _fucking Shepard – _had shot an unarmed, restrained woman in the head.

Kaya wondered how long it would be before she could broach the subject of the _deal _Alenko had made.

_I must have really been out of it. How did I not see that coming? They must have decided it was a contingency weeks ago. Fucking spectres._

Kaya rested her elbows on the railing, turning to look at Jeff on the bench. The raid on Binary Helix was currently ongoing. It seemed heavily anti-climatic to just be standing here, the Normandy grounded, while the people responsible for all of this were brought to justice.

_If all these corporations aren't careful, I'm going to become a goddamned Marxist._

"You think I'm sinking to her level," Jeff said, not looking at her.

"I think _Shepard _sank to her level. I think Brooks got under Shepard's skin. I _know _she did. And that worries me."

"I can't believe you're worrying about Shepard."

"Somebody has to."

Jeff's lips twitched, just a little, as he remembered a particularly heated conversation after Thessia. She sat down next to him then, leaning her head into his shoulder wearily. It felt like ages since she had slept, even though she had in fact spent a good part of the past week unconscious.

"Can't you just be glad it's over?" Jeff pleaded.

Somewhere, in some dark place in the back of her mind, Kaya very much doubted it was over. But, he was right. She had been running for a month, refusing to face the massive upheaval of her life because there were too many other things to worry about.

She should confide this in him. She owed him that much.

"The problem is, now I can't hide behind the boogey monster under the bed. Cerberus chasing us down. Running from the Alliance," she sighed. "Now I have to face all the shit in my life. Actually face it. Drake's Point and Indigo and my mom. The Reapers. The fact that I'm on a space station that goes back _hundreds of thousands of years. _All of it."

"Yeah, but you've got me to help you get though it," Jeff said, sliding an arm around her waist.

* * *

><p>Jeff's voice carried a very different tone as he glowered in the antechamber before the Council's private meeting room.<p>

"This is bullshit. Total bullshit."

Kaya was wearing a new dress. This one she had bought with her own funds, after paying Liara back. At least her new job paid in advance. That was maybe the only kind thing she could say about it.

The dress was deep blue, with cap sleeves and a skirt that flared at the waist. It had a sweetheart neckline that she had caught Jeff's eyes lingering on more than once, despite all his grumbling.

She shifted on the balls of her feet uncomfortablly. After all her time aboard the Normandy, it felt sort of wrong to be wearing shoes. But her very presence was going to make everyone uneasy enough. No need to look like a damn hippie, too.

Two days ago Binary Helix had crumbled, their stock tanking as some very incriminating evidence was found at their headquarters. Not just of involvement in Kaya's kidnapping, either. It appeared that their funding of Rachni experiments and local territory disputes was just the surface of a whole pile of shit.

There was something entirely too convenient about it, but the authorities seemed quite pleased with themselves. Kaya looked at the cherry blossoms out the window and sighed. It was more than just her shoes making her uncomfortable today.

"Ready?" Kaidan asked, walking up. He was trying to be friendly, even apologetic. Jeff gave him a cool stare in response and stalked off as best he could.

After he had gotten out of earshot, Kaya admitted, "I am beyond shocked that he agreed to still pilot the Normandy."

"I have a sneaking suspicion that if we don't get our wish on that front – if the Alliance refuses to let us have the Normandy – he won't come along," Kaidan said.

"Oh he'll come," Kaya said with narrow eyes. It was a little bit more of a threat than a statement. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

Shepard, Hackett, the Council, and three Alliance officers Kaya did not recognize were already seated. Kaidan took a seat one chair away from Shepard, leaving Kaya to sit between them. There was a cup of coffee placed in front of her, a fact for which she was extremely grateful. She suspected it was Shepard's way of apologizing. They hadn't actually spoken since the interrogation with Brooks so _abruptly _ended.

There was already a conversation underway. "I still believe this meeting should have been held at Arcturus Station, as a sign of good faith," one of the admirals said.

"Well, we're here now," Hackett said. "I suggest we just get straight to business. Captain Shepard, if you could begin your briefing."

She nodded, looking less the soldier and more the politician most of the galaxy knew her as.

"We received intel that suggested the Alliance was compromised, from an anonymous source," she started. _Oh man, better make sure your poker face is on for this one. _"It was determined by myself and Major Alenko that Lieutenant Cole could not be handed over to the Alliance at that time. We firmly believed she would be in physical danger. And our intelligence still indicates that this is true.

"So, I made the decision to keep the Lieutenant aboard the Normandy. Our source fed information to the Alliance suggesting that the Lieutenant had deserted." _Again. _"We proceeded to track down the Binary Helix funded group that had a rather unhealthy interest in Project Indigo, and – as you are no doubt aware – succeeded. However, at this time, we have no intention of turning the Lieutenant over to the Alliance."

"What?" A female British admiral, her short grey hair style making her particularly reminiscent of Karin, sat up in surprise. "Captain Shepard, we were under the impression–"

"That you are here to make a deal," Shepard finished for her. "And, you are. Maybe not the one you were expecting. However, Major Alenko is of the impression that his proposal will satisfy the Alliance."

"I want to put together a team, somewhat reminiscent of the Captain's rather unorthodox crew that took down Saren," Kaidan began. "We would conduct missions for the Alliance, but, as a Spectre, I would have the same allegience to the Council as well. It would be made of a team of my choosing, consisting of Alliance and non-Alliance personnel. We would be particularly focused on reconnaissance missions, the sort I'm sure the Alliance wants Lieutenant Cole on.

"I have three conditions. All of which are necessary for this to work. First, the Lieutenant is to be honorably discharged from the military. With full benefits_." She never should have been enlisted in the first place. "_Second, I want the Normandy." Kaya could practically hear the feathers ruffling around the room. "Third, Lieutenant Cole will be my XO, and she will have veto power over me on the choice of our missions."

It was everything Kaya could do not to spit out her coffee. Damn it. This was what she got for being unconscious for three days. Scheming bastards.

"Captain, where does this leave you?" Hackett asked skeptically.

"On a very well-earned vacation, I expect," Shepard said, leaving Hackett to look at her with even more skepticism. If she hadn't taken a vacation after the damn Reaper invasion, why would she now?

Kaya smiled a little, suddenly knowing the answer to that unspoken question.

The admiral who had spoken about Arcturus Station cleared his throat. "This is completely unacceptable, Major. You want us to give you one of the most advanced vessels in the fleet _and _one of our most valuable espionage assets."

"You're talking about a person," Kaidan said. His voice didn't rise. It wasn't angry. It was dripping with disappointment and disgust. "Who happens to be sitting right here. The last government that saw her as a weapon sent her on a suicide mission. I will not allow the Alliance to make that mistake."

The fourth admiral, a relatively younger woman with dark skin and a shaved head, spoke up, "The admiral's concerns are valid, Major. What does the Alliance gain from this deal? What is the Council compromising?"

"_We_ wanted to consider Dr. Cole for Spectre candicacy," the Asari councilor explained.

This time, Kaya really did spit out her coffee. She could feel Shepard and Kaidan both using all of their willpower not to laugh.

_Thanks for the warning, assholes._

"With this deal," the councilor continued, "neither party gets total jurisdiction over Dr. Cole's actions. The Council believe this tips the balance in _your _favor, given her species."

"Furthermore," the Turian councilor added, "the Council will agree to not pry into Project Indigo, despite our numerous concerns about the program. What you are doing there borders on being illegal under galactic law."

Kaya shot a panicked glance to Shepard. _Experiments? Torture? _The Commander shook her head, promising to explain later.

"Doesn't border on it," the Salarian said. "Certainly illegal. Fortunate we are not launching a serious investigation."

That seemed to humble the admirals a little. And while there was much discussion back in forth for _hours, _they ultimately settled on an agreement almost _exactly _matching Kaidan's original terms. How her mother could have possibly enjoyed a career in politics was _completely _beyond Kaya.

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay, so I know we're still mad at Kaidan and the Commander," Jeff said, sitting down on the bed with a smile, "but things could be worse."<p>

_Leather seats._

"Men," Kaya sighed, rolling her eyes before looking around the XO's cabin.

It felt empty without Liara's plethora of equipment. It also seemed almost twice the size.

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you're not enjoying this. I mean, look at the bed," he said, wagging his eyebrows at her.

"I'll admit, I'm pretty sure it's bigger than my first apartment," she said, ignoring the advance.

"Exactly. So, sit down. Relax. Try to forget that the Spectre Squad totally stabbed you in the back."

"I wouldn't go that far," Kaya said, crossing the room and sitting down next to him. She slapped him lightly in the arm with the back of her hand when he opened his mouth to protest. "They should have fucking warned me. Consulted with me. _Asked for my permission. _But the deal they struck was the best possible option."

It had been a month since that meeting with the Council. A little over two months since one life ended and another began. All things considered, this one wasn't bad. Kaya found herself looking forward to things in a way she hadn't quite before.

She was a spacefaring, psychic pirate under a rogue spectre. It certainly wouldn't be boring.

Jeff kissed her on the cheek, his beard tickling, and she smiled softly. Somehow, in all of this, Kaya had found something _good _she never had before. That was enough.

* * *

><p><em>Well kids, that's a wrap. I'm currently working on a sequel, following the adventures of Kaidan and his squad. You can find it here: s10544679/2/Indigo_

_If you're here, I seriously appreciate your taking the time to read my little novella. I hope you enjoyed it, and I'm always open to feedback. This is my first time writing any fan fiction, but it's been quite fun._


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